


A Certain Shade of Blue

by bondlikejames96



Series: Posey Shepard [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Destroy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Headcanon, Mass Relays, Paragon Commander Shepard, Post-Endgame, Romance, Shepard's a Councilor?!, Slow Build, canon character death, endgame spoilers, post-ME3, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-03-14 22:00:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 81,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3427124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bondlikejames96/pseuds/bondlikejames96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had been meant to die that day - her crew was supposed to be safe when they left Earth. When Shepard ordered the crew of the Normandy to abandon her in London, she had no idea that she was sending them to their deaths. </p><p>Seven years after the Reaper War, the galaxy is finally starting to function as a whole again. The final mass relay has been reconstructed and is fully functional. Shepard is left to deal with her survivor's guilt, knowing that her decisions are what has caused her dearest friends to be missing since that fateful day in London. One day, an emergency Council meeting is held, and Shepard receives word that her crew may just be alive after all.</p><p>[Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your continued support through kudos, comments, and bookmarks! This all means so much to me, and I wish I could thank every one of you personally. xx]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Posey Shepard was dying... again. In a few minutes, her oxygen supply would run out once more, and she would be left alone floating in darkness. But now, there were no stars above her to focus on, only the searing pain she felt all over. Even if there were stars, her eyes burned so much that she wouldn't have been able to open them. She knew that this time, there would be no one to lift her broken and mangled body out of the wreckage, to rebuild her piece by piece and memory by memory until no one could tell the difference. Only those left of her old crew had noticed the scar missing from her right eyebrow, and the way her hair was now just a shade deeper red than it had been before Cerberus rebuilt her. She understood why the new team members on the Collector mission were anxious around her - those who hadn't been personally informed by Admiral Anderson  would have seen the newscast eventually, the one that said

_We have just received some... troubling information here at Citadel News One. The SSV Normandy SR-1 was shot down by an unidentified vehicle over Alchera three days ago. Six casualties have been confirmed, including the human Spectre Commander Shepard, formerly of the Alliance Navy. We send our sincerest condolences to her family and former crewmembers. A memorial service will be held in the Commander's honor on the Citadel. Details including date, time, and precise location will be sent out as soon as they are available._

But when she had showed back up, sporting Cerberus colors and a half-mechanized body, her friends had dropped everything to help her fight the Collectors. Though Kaidan's mistrust had cut her to the core, Garrus's blind devotion and willingness to follow her into Hell had given her the strength to carry on through those long, scary months. The crew of the _Normandy SR-2_ had grown so close during that time, and bonds were made then that she knew would never be broken. Friends and lovers walked straight into Hell together, and somehow they had all made it out alive. But Shepard had known, even then, that it wasn't over. Until the Reapers were completely extinguished, it would never be over. And if she wanted those people who had become her family to have even a remote chance at peaceful, happy lives, then she was always going to be the one racing towards the finish line, fighting for a future that she would never see.

She knew, when she said goodbye to Tali, Liara, Wrex, and Garrus in the makeshift operations center in London, that it was the last moment she would have to cherish with each of them. They had known it, too - they'd all known it all along, that Shepard was willing and prepared to sacrifice herself for every single member of that team, and for every inhabitant of the galaxy. Shepard had been both relieved and heartbroken when Garrus asked to be on her squad for the final stretch. Relieved that he would have her six, even at the end; heartbroken that she might have to somehow say goodbye to him again _. You'll never be alone, Garrus._ With both of them using a Black Widow sniper, the Banshees and Brutes had gone down quickly enough. But then, Harbinger loomed above them, lasering anything in its path. For a brief few moments, as she and Garrus and the Hammerhead pushed onward, drawing closer to the beam, Shepard had let herself grasp at a tiny strand of hope. But when the vehicle in front of Garrus and James leaped skyward and nearly crushed them, she knew that this was it. As she screamed into her comm for an evac, she felt hot tears on her cheeks. Never had she been more grateful that she was wearing a helmet - Garrus would know, without seeing her tears, how hard this was for her, and she couldn't let him live wondering if he should have followed her to the Conduit. This was Posey Shepard, a terrified woman who had seen too much love and too much loss in her lifetime and never known what to say about it.

When Joker arrived with the _Normandy_ moments later, she hurried Garrus up onto the loading ramp. Liara reached out a hand to support him, but he turned around to look at Shepard, terror and heartbreak in his icy blue eyes. "Shepard..."

"You've gotta get out of here." Her throat had already begun to close up with emotion. She wanted more time to say goodbye, to say _so many things_ , but if they didn't leave now then there was a chance that all of them would die.

"And you've got to be kidding me," Garrus replied, shock in his voice.

"Don't argue, Garrus."

"We're in this 'til the end!"

If Shepard's heart had broken before when they said goodbye, it was being ground into dust now  as his subharmonics went wild.  She shook her head and bit her cheek for a moment, before looking back up at him for the last time. "No matter what happens here... You know I love you. I always will." Her voice broke towards the end, becoming almost a whisper, and the tears came rushing back under her helmet. Garrus's features softened as she reached her hand up to brush his scarred mandible.

"Shepard, I... love you too." Shepard turned to look at Harbinger and the beam, and when she glanced back at the Normandy Garrus's hand was extended towards her in farewell. She couldn't focus on that now. Commander Shepard forced her vulnerable side back down and yelled to the Normandy crew that she could see.

"Go!" Her steps faltered just a bit as she sprinted away towards the beam, but she kept her footing and ran on. That last long push to the Conduit strained every cybernetic nerve, muscle, and bone in her body until she thought she would shatter just from the effort it took to take one step. When Harbinger's beam hit her, she barely felt a thing as she fell to the ground. Staggering back to her feet, she grabbed a nearby pistol and forced herself forward the last few yards. She took out husks and a marauder with less ease than usual, and then somehow she was on the Citadel.

Shepard did not feel the stab of satisfaction she expected when the Illusive Man held the pistol to his chin and fired. When Admiral Anderson told her he was proud of her with his dying breath, she nearly cried again. As she walked towards the red conduit to destroy the Reapers, she tried not to imagine Joker hunched over EDI's lifeless body, or Legion crumpling to the ground on Rannoch. She had to do this; the Reapers could not be allowed to remain, or they would never be free. All of the Geth and EDI, and Shepard herself, sacrificed to save the entire galaxy. That damn ruthless calculus of war.

She didn't even remember pulling the trigger, now that she was remembering everything. Now, as she struggled for an adequate breath, she pictured the soldiers on Earth, Palaven, and Thessia embracing each other, dropping their guns, crying with relief. She imagined everyone being safe, and she knew that they would have a future because of her.  As her thoughts dragged on, they became less and less clear due to the lack of oxygen. Shepard felt as if an immense weight was pressing down on her, crushing her back into the oblivion she'd succumbed to over Alchera. But this time, she was ready to go - she had saved the ones she loved, and they would be able to find new loves, get married, have children, and live the lives they'd always talked about. As she felt herself fading, she whispered out loud to herself. "I'll be at the bar, Vakarian, whenever you're ready."

 

#

 

 

When her eyes fluttered open, she thought she was having another dream about Cerberus. The fluorescent lights above her looked exactly the same, as well as the sterile gray of the walls. Except now, the table beneath her wasn't cold steel. In fact, as she opened and closed her fists slowly, she almost thought she felt blankets, beneath and on top of her. She could hear to her left the beeping of monitors that she'd heard so often before - the steady beat of her heart, a dispensing of pain medications. Shepard was surprised to find that she could turn her head without much difficulty - perhaps this wasn't a Cerberus dream, after all. In those dreams, she hadn't been able to move at all without searing pain. She looked left to right, taking in the hospital room around her. It wasn't Cerberus, but it definitely wasn't the medbay of the _Normandy_ , either. When she found the red call button, she pressed it gently. Moments later, an older human nurse appeared at the doorway.

"Welcome back, Commander." Her face was kind, with an unmistakable smile of relief. The nurse approached her bed quickly and looked over the monitors. "All of your stats are looking good, ma'am. Is there anything I can get you?"

Shepard opened her mouth to say "Water, please" but no sound came out. She frowned and tried again. Still nothing. The nurse nodded knowingly and walked back to the door, leaning out and calling to another nurse for a glass of ice chips. She then crossed back to the end of Shepard's bed, picking up a clipboard and scribbling some things down.

"Your voice will come back soon enough. You've been out for almost a week since we brought you here. Honestly, I'm shocked that you came to us in such good condition, from the reports that described the fighting down there. Those cybernetics have done some amazing things." She broke off as another nurse entered and handed her a plastic cup, which she promptly offered to Shepard. "You are one lucky woman, Commander. I don't know what you did that stopped the Reapers, but we all owe you our lives. I'm Denise, by the way. I'll be taking care of you while you're here."

As the ice chips soothed her throat, Shepard found that she could at least whisper now. "Thank you, Denise. But where exactly am I?" Denise smiled and moved back to the side of the bed, adjusting some of Shepard's IV's.

"You're in London, ma'am. Recon teams were sent up to the Citadel to look for survivors, and they found you buried in the wreckage of the Citadel Tower. All of the survivors were brought back to Earth and sent wherever there was a facility to take care of them. You had only been unconscious for a few hours when you got here, but they wanted to keep you here in London for quicker updates."

"Quicker updates with who?"

"Admiral Hackett, ma'am, and the surviving Council members. They lost the Dalatrass on the Citadel, but Councilor Sparatus and the asari councilor made it out. They're all on board a turian frigate right now, trying to estimate the damage done to the relays. Admiral Hackett said to contact him as soon as you were awake, but I won't do it until you're ready to talk."

Shepard took a deep breath and nodded. "Go ahead and call him. He's probably got a lot of questions, and so do I." Denise patted her forearm gently and left the room. Shepard was then alone with her thoughts, making a mental list of questions she  needed to ask the Admiral. Were the Reapers really gone? What was the status of Earth? What was the status of the _Normandy_ and her crew?

Denise reappeared, carrying a portable comm interface. She slid Shepard's meal table over her lap and set the interface down, powering it on with a push of a button. As Denise typed in a string of codes, Shepard felt all of her muscles tensing up. If the council was about to criticize her for destroying the reapers, and the Geth in the process, she would lose it. She felt like they'd never really thanked her for anything, not even saving their lives in the Battle of the Citadel. But she'd be damned if she let them criticize her for saving the galaxy.

It took a few long moments for the image on the comm to become clear, but when Shepard saw Hackett's face she couldn't help but sigh in relief. "Shepard," he said firmly, as he had so many times before. "It's good to see you." Shepard smiled warmly and nodded.

"It's good to see you too, Admiral. How did Earth fare?"

His features darkened for a moment. "1.5 billion gone, when all was said and done. About 17 million lost on Palaven, 5 million on Thessia. But the Reapers are gone, Shepard. They can't hurt us anymore. You did it." There was a flood of relief in his voice, and Shepard's heart lightened a bit. Until Hackett continued speaking.

"Shepard, there's... there's something you need to know." Her heart dropped and her fists tightened instinctively. "The _Normandy_ , she's... She's missing, Shepard. No sign of the crew."

Her lungs stopped working, her head spun, and her stomach twisted violently. As she retched over the side of the bed, Denise (who must have already known, Shepard thought) pulled back Shepard's hair and ran a cool, damp rag over her face. Another nurse came in and started to clean up the mess, and Shepard looked back up at Hackett. "What do you mean, missing?"

His leathered face sagged, and his eyes were filled with sorrow as he stared back. "We know the _Normandy_ made it out of the Sol System, but we can't trace where the ship went afterwards. Our scientists have estimated that there was no way they could've made it to a second relay in time, but none of the local clusters have been able to find the ship on any of their planets." He paused for a moment, more grim than she'd ever seen him. "I'm so sorry, Shepard. They were an incredible crew."

Shepard wanted to scream, to rage at the universe for this screwed-up twist of fate. It was supposed to be her who was sacrificed for the galaxy. _The_ Normandy _was supposed to be safe - Garrus was supposed to be safe._ No words would form, and not even a sound would come from her suddenly tight throat. Denise reached over and turned the comm device off, for which Shepard was grateful. Hackett and the Council members shouldn't see the Hero of the Galaxy cry. As she leaned back against the pillow, Denise pressed the cup of ice chips back into her hand.

"We'll bring you something to eat soon, Commander Shepard. And, ma'am... I'm sorry for your loss." Shepard waited until Denise left the room to let the hot tears stream down her face. Her chest shook uncontrollably as quiet sobs engulfed her. This wasn't how it was supposed to end - she'd had a plan, and she'd followed through with it. But this was not the outcome she had wanted or expected.  Joker, EDI, Kaidan, James, Chakwas, Liara, Garrus... everyone she had spent those last few months with was gone, and now she was the one left to pick up the pieces and move on. If the Reapers hadn't destroyed her, surely the thought of living without all of her friends would.


	2. Seven Years Later

Even as a child, she had never been one for extravagant clothing, but the asari in charge of designing the Council uniforms didn't seem to care about that at all. The designer's indigo eyes glimmered excitedly and she clasped her hands together as Shepard walked out of her bedroom in her new robes. They were, admittedly, quite elegant. The outer layer was a white floor-length coat, with long sleeves that ended in a point at her wrists. A high collar framed her neck quite nicely, also managing to hide the battle scars there. Shepard would have to wear her hair in a higher bun than she was used to, but it wouldn't be too much of a problem. Long panels of gunmetal gray at her waist and down her arms had a very slimming effect, for which Shepard was especially grateful - in the years since her retirement from the military she had gone much softer than she had hoped, and her body was no longer capable of keeping up a strict exercise regimen. Shepard had to admit, she really liked the coat of the uniform, but the dress had given her pause as the asari pulled it out of the garment bag. It was beautiful, really, but certainly not what she'd expected. As she had looked at it in the mirror after putting it on, she had to take a deep breath to slow her heart back down. The dress, like the coat, fit her body wonderfully, hugging what curves she had left and hiding the places that had gone soft. What gave her pause was the color. It was the exact shade of blue in the colony markings across Garrus's face - those markings she had kissed and traced so many times that it was still a muscle memory. The royal hue complemented the gray and white of the coat nicely, and Shepard allowed herself to ponder for a moment if this is what their wedding would have looked like. It was a nice picture; Garrus's gray plates scored with royal blue, next to her in a long white dress. He would have wanted her to wear a traditional human wedding dress, she knew that for a fact. And she would have done it, for him, if he was still here. But he wasn't, and she would never walk down the aisle towards a suited turian and a priest. She had accepted this new reality a long time ago, but the 'what if's' still got to her sometimes. 

The asari looked at her cautiously as her excitement subsided. "Is it all right, Councilor?"

Shepard smoothed the overcoat gently and looked back up at the designer. "It's lovely, Nariah. Even better than I was expecting." Nariah's eyes sparkled at the praise, and she took a step closer to Shepard. 

"Oh, I'm so glad you like it. You humans are so much easier to design for than the krogan. Goddess, tailoring the krogan Councilor's suit took ages, and he changed his mind on what he wanted all the time. I was wondering, though, if the... um, if the blue is all right?" 

"Of course it is, Nariah. It's a lovely color. My favorite, in fact." Shepard had a feeling she knew what the young asari was about to say. Nariah's hands fidgeted nervously for a moment before she looked down at the ground. 

"Well, I just wanted you to have some sort of reminder, I guess, of..."

"I know, Nariah," Shepard sighed. "It's a very sweet gesture. I'm very impressed with the whole garment - once people see me in this, you're going to be swamped with commissions." The girl smiled again and turned to grab her sewing bag. As they walked to the door of Shepard's apartment, she put a hand on Nariah's shoulder and turned her around. "I want you to know, I really love the blue. I don't know how you did it, but it's the perfect shade. Thank you again, Nariah. Be well." When the asari had gone, Shepard returned to her bedroom to gaze at herself in the floor-length mirror. Blue was definitely a good color for her. She had always wondered before if it would clash with her dark red hair, but somehow the colors enhanced each other. The gray panels on the collar provided a nice contrast to her lavender eyes - Nariah really had thought of everything when she designed this. 

Shepard picked up the hairbrush off of her dresser and began combing through her long hair. It took quite a bit of effort to get it all pulled up into a smooth high bun, but she finally got it to her standards. Just then, her omnitool pinged and she opened up the message.

_Just landed on the Citadel. I have a few hours before my official meeting time with the Council, if you wanted to catch up a bit. I'll be at that café near C-sec. - T_

If she wasn't a 38-year-old woman in a form-fitting Councilor's uniform, she would have jumped for joy. As it were, she had to settle with sending back a quick _Be right there!_ before hurrying to the bathroom to touch up what little makeup she wore. She pulled on some gray flats and hurried out the door to her ever-waiting skycar. Within a few minutes, her doorman opened the car door at the C-sec port and she leapt out rather unceremoniously, drawing some attention. She stopped for a moment, stood up straighter, and put on her Councilor-face as she walked through the station to the other side, where shops and vendors now resided. It took all of her willpower not to run to the café. When she finally reached it, she approached the hostess, but a voice behind her called out, "Shepard!" She turned and embraced Tali in a very un-Councilor-like manner. Her dear friend returned the hug, laughing. After a few moments, they broke apart and Tali lead her to a small table overlooking the beautiful park where the Presidium Lakes had once been. A hanar waiter floated by and handed them two separate dextro and levo menus, which they promptly set aside.

"So, Shepard, it's... It's been a while." Tali looked great, having filled out a little more in the two years since Posey had last seen her. She still wore an enviro-suit, but the mask had long since been removed to expose a breathtaking quarian face.

Shepard smiled and leaned back slightly in her chair, taking in the view of the park. "It's so good to see you, Tali. Two years is way too long. You've got a lot to tell me, from what I've seen in the news vids." Tali chuckled and folded her hands in her lap.

"Yes indeed, _Councilor_ Shepard. Reconstruction on Rannoch is about eighty-five percent complete, and the geth memorial will be dedicated soon." She leaned in close, and her voice dropped to a whisper. "And I think we're about to hit a breakthrough with rebooting the geth. Nothing is certain right now, but I think it could be really soon, Shepard. A few months, maybe even less, before they're back online." Tali leaned back and her voice rose to a normal level as she continued, "We've also finally been able to copy the programs that the geth put in some of our enviro-suits before everything, so now the entire quarian population can function without the suits or masks. Like I said back then, most of us still wear the suits as a part of our culture.  But life without masks is great. Everything is so much easier!" As the waiter came back by with two waters, Tali reached out and grabbed hers, gulping down half of the glass before Shepard could even unwrap a straw. "See, Shepard, I couldn't do that before!" Shepard laughed and unwrapped the other straw, poking it into Tali's glass.

"Come on, Tali, you had your emergency induction port. That's way more fun than just chugging stuff down." Tali's eyes narrowed, but she fought a smile as she again lifted her cup to sip through the straw. "So tell me, Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, you built that dream home yet?" The quarian grinned and set her cup down.

"Yeah, we've finally got everything finished on the house. It's beautiful, Shepard, you really should visit soon. And as it turns out, they built the capitol not too far from it, so it's not - "

"Wait, we? Who is we, Tali?"

Tali froze.

"Tali."

She sunk down in her seat a little bit, avoiding Shepard's gaze. But she knew she couldn't hide this much longer, so she took a deep breath. "Zaal'Koris." Shepard nearly choked on her water, sputtering in a very unladylike fashion.

"You're sleeping with Admiral _Qwib-Qwib_?" The shock was evident in her voice, but Tali stood her ground.

"Yes. We've been together for a few years now, but we wanted to keep it under the radar. Now, though, um... Actually, that's why I'm here on the Citadel, to talk to the council about... Well, I wanted you to be the first to know."

"To know what, Tali?"

Tali cleared her throat and looked Shepard in the eyes. "We're getting married. A month from today. And, um, I was wondering if... I know it's kind of last-minute to be doing all this, but... I mean, I thought maybe you'd want to be my, um, oh what do you humans call it? Maid of honor?" Shepard felt like the wind had been knocked out of her as she looked back at Tali. After a few moments of blank staring, she shook herself out of it and stood up.

"Tali, nothing would make me happier than being your maid of honor. Oh my God, you're getting married! Tali!" By this point, all eyes in the café were on them, the human Councilor and quarian Admiral. Tali stood up and hugged Shepard again, her smile spreading from ear to ear.

"Thank you, Shepard. There's no one I'd rather have there."

"Tali, this is great. So great! But, you  have to tell me how this all happened someday, okay?" Tali nodded once more, still beaming, then looked down at her watch.

"Oh, Shepard, we better get going! The meeting is in half an hour, and we wouldn't want to be late for this one," Tali said, winking. Shepard linked her arm through Tali's and led her to the skycar. Once they were on their way back to the reconstructed Council Tower, Shepard remembered a question she'd had earlier.

"Tali, what does you getting married have to do with the Council?"

The quarian looked back at her and replied, "It's in regards to a law about marriage between Admirals. Mostly, it was created to prevent a current Admiral from voting in their spouse as a new one. There's never been a situation where two already-appointed Admirals fall in love and decide to get married. However, you know me, I like to cause trouble," she chuckled, "and the rest of the Admiralty Board was concerned about unfair voting in the future. Which makes perfect sense, really, but it presented a problem for Koris and me."

"So what are you asking us to do then, Tali?"

"Well, Shepard, Koris and I talked about it for a long time, and we came to the conclusion that the only option is for one of us to resign from the Admiralty." Shepard stared at Tali and shook her head.

"No, Tali, you're one of the best Admirals the quarians have ever had! You can't just quit! I mean, I am well aware that you do some crazy things for love, but - "

"I'm not resigning, Shepard. Koris is."

Shepard heaved a sigh of relief and leaned back in her leather seat. Just then, the driver notified them that they had arrived at the Citadel Tower, and they stepped out of the car. Koris and the other three Admirals were waiting outside of the Council Chamber, and Tali left Shepard's side to join them. Shepard made her way into the Chamber, and greeted the other Councilors already at their podiums. Sparatus was rifling through a stack of papers and acknowledged her entrance with a flick of his mandibles, while Tevos greeted her rather warmly. The salarian Councilor, Ecron, nodded politely at her, and the krogan Councilor, Cratazan, just adjusted his uniform with a grumpy snort.

"Your new uniform is lovely, Councilor Shepard," Tevos said. "Did that same young asari design it?" Shepard nodded and smoothed the few miniscule wrinkles out of the coat.

"Nariah, yes. She's very talented - perhaps we could consider signing her on as our exclusive uniform designer." Shepard wanted the girl to get as much recognition as she could, and this would be a surefire way to get the girl some more business. Tevos agreed heartily, of course, saying something about how asari were always known to be prominent designers. Shepard wasn't paying very close attention to what Tevos was saying, though, because she had caught Sparatus staring at her dress. Blushing slightly, she pulled the overcoat a little tighter and crossed her arms over her chest. This seemed to startle Sparatus out of his daze, because he shook his head quickly and met her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Shepard, I didn't mean to stare. It's just that color. That blue, I mean. It is very reminiscent of the Vakarian clan markings."

"That's the point, Sparatus," Shepard sighed a little too bitterly, turning away from his gaze. He suddenly realized his mistake and scrambled for words, resorting to putting his gloved, three-fingered hand on her shoulder.

"Shepard, I... I meant no offense. Fractus Vakarian will be deeply honored if he sees you wearing his clan's colors. He was rather proud of his son's relationship with you." The turian councilor was now deeply ashamed, Shepard could tell from his subvocals. She softened a little, knowing that she had retaliated too harshly.

"No offense taken, Councilor."

"It never gets easier, does it?" Sparatus sighed, his subharmonics twinged with sadness. "I lost my wife, you know, on Palaven. Even after seven years, I can still remember how to trace her colony markings, the sound of her voice, her last words to me." Shepard couldn't help but look up at the turian.

"If you don't mind my asking, what were her last words to you?"

He looked back at her, a bittersweet longing in his eyes. "It was on a vidcomm, obviously, but it felt like she was right there beside me. She was getting ready to go to bed, actually; we always spoke before we went to sleep. Just one of our little rituals, I guess." Shepard nodded, knowing all too well about nightly rituals and sweet goodnights. When Garrus had come back aboard the _Normandy_ after leaving Menae, he had almost immediately moved in to her room. They knew to cherish what little time they had left, and every night they had pressed their foreheads together and whispered one of Shepard's favorite poems, the one that Ashley Williams had recommended to her over a decade ago.

_It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:_

_It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,_

_And see the great Achilles, whom we knew._

_Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'_

_We are not now that strength which in old days_

_Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;_

_One equal temper of heroic hearts,_

_Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will_

_To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield._

Shepard smiled wearily at the memory of Garrus's forehead against hers, his rich voice reciting Tennyson as if he'd known it all his life. Sparatus continued, sharing that same warm smile. "She told me about her day at work - she was a doctor - and then she cracked some joke. But then, she looked me right in the eyes and said, 'You, Sparatus, are the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I'm so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with a turian as incredibly hot as you.' After that, I said goodnight and told her I loved her, she said she loved me as well, and that was it." Shepard had to bite the side of her cheek to hold back the tears that threatened to well up.

"I'm glad you have such a fond memory of her," she finally managed. "She sounds like someone I would liked to have met." Sparatus chuckled softly at that.

"She would've liked you, Shepard. She never was one to follow all the rules." Shepard nodded and smiled, glad that the tension that existed between her and Sparatus before the Collectors had dissipated. He was an interesting turian to talk to, she discovered, and sometimes he would make a joke out of nowhere that would stop the entire Council, including Cratazan, dead in their tracks in fits of giggles. She'd come to almost even like Sparatus, which is something she had never expected. They tended to disagree on many things, still, but that was alright with her.

Their conversation was cut short when the doors to the Chamber opened and the quarian Admirals entered. Shepard smiled when she saw Tali's hand entwined with Koris's. She was glad that Tali had found love, no matter how unlikely the pairing - it gave Shepard just a little bit of peace about the death of the _Normandy_ crew. At least one person she cared about had made it to see this new future, a united galaxy free of the Reapers.

The meeting went smoothly, and the Council agreed unanimously to begin the search for a new Admiral, to replace Zaal'Koris. Shepard wished she could've had more time to speak with Tali in person, but the Admirals had to return to Rannoch as soon as possible for the dedication of the geth memorial. As Shepard lay down in her bed that night, exhausted, she once again remembered Garrus's dual-toned voice, whispering in her ear, a different poem this time.

_She walks in beauty, like the night_   
_Of cloudless climes and starry skies;_   
_And all that's best of dark and bright_   
_Meet in her aspect and her eyes:_   
_Thus mellow'd to that tender light_   
_Which heaven to gaudy day denies._

_And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,_   
_So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,_   
_The smiles that win, the tints that glow,_   
_But tell of days in goodness spent,_   
_A mind at peace with all below,_   
_A heart whose love is innocent!_

And for the first time in seven years, she did not cry herself to sleep.


	3. Volus, Interviews, and a Lack of Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana Allers gets her exclusive interview with Councilor Shepard about the completion of the final mass relay. And Shepard is out of groceries.

The next morning at their daily meeting, the Council had some exciting news to share. News reporters from all over the Citadel had gathered in the Chamber, each desperate to get the best shot or the best recording. Shepard spotted Diana Allers, front and center as usual, and nodded almost imperceptibly at her. Allers caught the gesture and smiled briefly, before typing something quickly into her datapad. Surely she would ask for a private interview with Shepard later, and of course she would get it. Diana had done a great deal for the war effort while she'd been aboard the _Normandy_ , and Shepard had actually come to enjoy the reporter's quick wit and tireless dedication to her craft. For now, though, Shepard would have to play her part as an impartial Councilor, looking into all of the cameras with a smile and a wave. As the Citadel clock chimed 9:00, Sparatus raised his hand and the crowd of reporters immediately quieted. They all poised with their fingers hovering above their datapads, ready to note whatever news the Council was about to give. Tevos cleared her throat and began.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for taking the time to be with us on this lovely morning. We, the Council, have just received some very exciting news which we believe should immediately be made public. As you all know, today marks the seventh anniversary of the defeat of the Reapers. In the years since that fateful day, we as a galaxy have worked tirelessly to reunite our systems and to rebuild what was lost. A few hours ago, Councilor Sparatus was contacted by our foremost team of research scientists, and I will let him tell you exactly what they had to say."

Sparatus nodded at Tevos and placed his hands behind his back, reminding Shepard of the way Admiral Hackett always stood. "Thank you for the introduction, Councilor Tevos. As she was saying, a few hours ago I was summoned on the vidcomm by the team of research scientists led by Oriana Lawson. They have finally completed reconstruction of the final Mass Relay, and as of today every Mass Relay is back online and functioning at full capacity." Shepard couldn't help but gasp delightedly, and the entire crowd of reporters began to cheer and applaud. Sparatus's mandibles widened in what Shepard knew to be a turian smile, and Tevos was grinning as well as reporters hugged and high-fived each other quite unprofessionally. It was a day for celebration, that much was true. The galaxy would finally be whole again, and now even the volus and elcor could return to their home-world whenever they wished. When the noise died down a bit, Sparatus continued. "Also, due to the mass relays finally being operational again, the comm buoys in all systems are expected to be back online. This is wonderful news, of course, but we would like to remind everyone of what to expect with the re-opening of these buoys. Messaging systems may be clogged up for a few days, while seven years' worth of reports and messages come through to the Citadel. We ask that you have patience with the systems at this time, and please allow an extra week for all queries and requests. That is all we have for you today, but we hope that it is enough good news to satisfy your viewers."

With that, the doors to the Chamber opened once more, and the reporters were ushered out. Before she turned to leave with everyone else, Allers caught Shepard's eye again, her eyebrow raised in an unspoken question. Shepard nodded again, more visibly this time, and Diana smiled and left. When they had all gone, and the doors were once again closed, Shepard turned to the other councilors.

"Have we already contacted the communications teams?" she asked, looking at Tevos. The asari nodded and pulled up something on her datapad. Shepard admired the communications teams for the work they did every time a comm buoy was opened, but she did not envy some of the things they had to read. Many of the messages that came through were cries for help, pleas in the dark that had never been received. Thousands of messages were sifted through, praying for hope in a time where there had been very little. It hurt her heart to think of the lives she couldn't save, the ones she didn't get to. _The ones she practically sent to their deaths._ As the thought crossed her mind, unbidden, she sucked in a quick breath at the stab of pain in her chest. She had to stop thinking about it that way. The other councilors regarded her cautiously, but Sparatus's eyes held an understanding she was thankful for. None of them asked her about it, though, and they all just continued to type away, taking care of other important business until their next scheduled meeting, which was going to be miserably boring. Some volus ambassador was about to come complain to them again about not having gained a Council seat since the Reaper War - since they had inducted Cratazan as the first krogan councilor, the Council-associate species had been outraged. Shepard didn't quite care, though, that the volus and elcor wanted a Council seat. The krogan had more than earned their place here, and even Sparatus had been in whole-hearted agreement with the idea by the time they brought it to debate. The volus, however, no matter how adept they were with financial stability, had not earned in anyone's eyes but their own the right to a seat on the Council. And no matter what the ambassador had to say today, they were not going to change their minds.

 

#

 

Later that day, after four grueling hours of debate with the volus ambassador, Shepard left the Chamber with the other Councilors and returned to her apartment. She was surprised to see a large package left on her doorstep, with a red bow on the top of it. Deciding that it was better to be safe than sorry, she summoned one of her guards to scan the package. His omnitool reported no weapons or poisons, so she picked it up off the doorstep and carried it inside with her, thanking the guard as she shut the door. She set the package down on the kitchen counter and went to change out of her uniform. Once she'd shrugged into her old N7 hoodie and a pair of leggings, she returned to the kitchen to open the package. She set the little red bow aside and pulled off the lid of the box, pulling back layers of tissue paper until she saw a peek of something red and black. Intrigued, she lifted it out of the box and shook it out, groaning when she realized what it was. A note had fallen out of the tissue paper and onto the floor, and she bent down to pick it up. She winced as she stood back up, her lower back protesting at the action. The note confirmed Shepard's fear.

_Shepard, I figured you'd say yes to being my maid of honor (that is what it's called, right?). That asari designer gave me your measurements a while back, and I had this made for you. Hope you like it! (And even if you don't, you're going to wear it.) - T_

The jumpsuit was pretty enough, but the sparkles - though more subtle than she'd expect from Tali - were not exactly her style. She sighed, knowing that she would have to wear it whether she liked the sparkles or not. Tali had said that she'd gotten the measurements from Nariah, though, so at least she didn't have to try it on to know that it fit perfectly. The jumpsuit was jet black and made in quarian fashion, Shepard noticed with a wince, but it didn't look as though it would cling to her every curve like Tali's suit did. The sleeves were a little looser, flaring out slightly at the ends, and the legs were cut more straight-down than narrowed to the ankle. An N7-red stripe ran down the arms and the sides of the suit, which made Shepard smile. Of course, Tali would find a way to niggle a bit of her old self in there. She traced the stripes absentmindedly, grateful for the fact that Tali had remained such a close friend for over a decade now. After hanging up the garment in her closet, she sent a quick message to Tali thanking her for the dress and admitting that she did actually like it.

Her stomach suddenly growled, and she frowned. She hadn't ordered groceries in a while, so her refrigerator and pantry were nearly picked to the bone. But there was one more beer and a frozen dinner, so she decided that grocery shopping could wait until tomorrow. She unwrapped the meal and popped it into the microwave, before cracking open the beer and taking a long, smooth sip.

After the Reaper War, Shepard had gotten into a bad drinking habit for a while. She had never gotten into any trouble or harmed anyone, as she always did it alone in her apartment, but it always ended with her crying on the floor of her shower, the cold water being the only thing that would eventually sober her up. The drinking had slowed down when Admiral Hackett had visited in person for the first time, about a year after the war. He had knocked at her door just as she turned the shower on, and she had opened the door quite angrily, eyes red with tears and wrapped in a bathrobe, to find him staring at her. Hackett had instantly recognized the situation, and had snapped her out of it with a pep-talk almost on-par with "Hold the Line!". Since then, she hadn't stopped the drinking completely, but now it was only a beer every once in a while, maybe two if she'd had a really bad day. After the drinking slowed, however, the nightmares had started, soon becoming a nightly occurrence. She'd always wake up screaming. After the first couple of weeks, the guards stopped rushing in to make sure she was okay - she wasn't okay, but there was nothing they could do to save her from reliving that last conversation with Garrus over and over and over again.

The last few nights, though, she'd gotten a full night's rest thanks to Tali's visit and Sparatus's kind words. Shepard pleaded with God (or the gods or goddesses or spirits or _whatever_ was in charge of everything) every night just before she fell asleep, praying that another night of dreamless sleep would come to her. For three days, now, her request had been granted, and Shepard almost felt like a new woman every time she woke up after 9 hours of peace. The other councilors had noticed, too, and they seemed even more at ease around her. Ecron had even spoken to her today after the meeting with the volus ambassador, calmly remarking on the silliness of the whole ordeal.

As Shepard went to take another sip of the beer in her hand, the microwave dinged and she pulled the meal out and set it on a plate. She carried everything to the couch and flopped down with a sigh, before pulling up her omnitool and turning the television on. As she expected, the news vids were full of the Council's announcement from earlier that day, with different reporters all chattering excitedly about the same things. Diana Allers promised her viewers a private interview with the human Councilor for the next day. But before Shepard could send her a quick message to set up an appointment time, her eyes had fallen shut and she drifted off into another dreamless sleep.

 

#

 

The next day, Diana Allers showed up at the apartment promptly at 10 a.m. The knock on the front door woke Shepard up, and when the knock came again she scrambled up off the couch, grabbed the untouched meal from last night and tossed it into the refrigerator. She didn't have time to brush her teeth or anything, so she snatched a piece of gum from one of the kitchen drawers and prayed that it would be enough to cover up whatever morning breath she might have. She opened the door to find Diana standing there patiently, dressed to the nines - of course. When Diana noticed the unkempt state of her hair and the slept-in clothing, she shook her head and tsked lightly.

"Shepard, what are we going to do with you?" Shepard shrugged sheepishly as the other woman walked into the living room and began programming her video drone. When she was satisfied with its lighting and sound settings, she looked back at Shepard. "Go get dressed. And for the love of God, brush your hair. We can't have the Savior of the Galaxy looking like a homeless vorcha." Shepard smirked and left the room to tidy herself up. When she came back to the living room, Diana looked her up and down and nodded her approval.  She had donned the simple black jumpsuit she wore during the Council's more relaxed sessions, which were starting to become less and less frequent now that everything was nearly back in full swing from the war. Her hair was pulled back into a braid, and she'd brushed on just enough makeup to satisfy Diana. The reporter pulled the end of Shepard's braid in front of her shoulder, and then said "So much better. Now, shall we?" Shepard nodded and moved to sit on the couch, and Diana took the seat beside her, pulling a datapad out of her bag. She pressed a few buttons and a list of questions popped up. With a nod at the camera drone, the interview began.

"Good morning, Citadel News 1! I'm Diana Allers, here with the former Alliance Commander and Spectre, Councilor Posey Shepard. She's here to give us her opinions on the progress of the Citadel renovations, and to tell us more about yesterday's announcement of the final mass relay being completed. So, to start us off, Shepard, why did you decide to join the Council after all these years?"

Shepard folded her hands in her lap and tapped her foot nervously. She'd been a councilor for three years, and this wasn't the first interview where people asked about her decision. But she'd been rather vague with her answers to everyone else, and she figured it was time for a full explanation.

"Well Diana, like I've said before I never thought I would end up in a political position. But after the war was over and all the reconstruction efforts started, the doctors who took care of me in London advised for me to retire from the military. Now of course, I had a lot of reservations about that, but once they started me on physical therapy I knew it was the right thing to do. The truth is," Shepard paused, and Diana's eyes widened slightly, knowing that she was going to be the first reporter to hear whatever Shepard was about to say. "Well, the truth is, my body is no longer capable of combat. My vision is still just as good as it was, my hearing is fine, all of that is the same. But my cybernetic implants were placed under a lot of stress during my recovery, and while they sped up the process tremendously... My reflexes just aren't what they used to be,  basically. I can still run, but not near as quickly, and even a short workout session leaves me exhausted afterwards." Diana nodded solemnly, typing a few notes, and Shepard continued. "Once I knew that retiring from the military was my only real option, I had no idea what to do with myself. I officially retired three years after the war, but I was done doing missions long before then. I was still sent out on a few trips to check up on specific planets, such as Palaven and Tuchanka, but nowhere that I would be in even the slightest danger. I thought for a while that maybe I could take up an Admiral position with the Alliance - they even offered it to me, but it was going to require too much travel, and my doctors wouldn't allow it. When I retired for good, the Council was finally reconvening and figuring out how the government was going to work in this new united galaxy."

Diana jotted a few more things down, and then met Shepard's eyes again. "And by the Council, you mean Councilors Sparatus and Tevos?" Shepard nodded and turned to the camera.

"Councilors Sparatus and Tevos were the only members of the Council to survive the Reaper War," she replied solemnly. "The Dalatrass was lost as they were being evacuated during the Battle of London. The surviving councilors took it upon themselves to find replacements for the human and salarian seats, and I was the first person they contacted. To be honest, I took the position because I couldn't think of anything else to do with myself."

"Thank you, Councilor Shepard. Now moving on to my next question, what are your thoughts on the reopening of the final mass relay?"

Shepard's eyes brightened a little - she loved getting to talk about the good things left in the galaxy. "Councilor Sparatus received the news yesterday morning from our lead research team. It took a really long time to figure out exactly what was wrong with the relays, almost five years in fact. But once they did, it was simply a matter of reconnecting them to the network. Once the first relay became functional again, we knew it was possible to get the rest of them back as well. We just had no idea that our scientists would get it done in such a short time. We had expected some of the farther relays to be out for another decade, at least, and the fact that they're all back online is nothing short of incredible. We all owe a great deal to those scientists." Diana chuckled and nodded in agreement.

"Don't sell yourself short though, Shepard - we owe you a great deal, too." Shepard waved the remark off with one hand.

"That was a long time ago, Diana, and I'm just glad to be alive now." Okay, so that part wasn't entirely true, but none of the viewers wanted to hear about her survivor's guilt, so she left it alone. "We will be sending out reconnaissance teams within the next few days, to scan the newly opened systems and evaluate the planets and populations left there."

"All in all, a tremendous step forward for the galaxy as a whole," Diana chimed in, and Shepard smiled and nodded. "I must say, Councilor, you and the other members of the Council have done a wonderful job of rebuilding the galaxy, especially the Citadel. And to all of our viewers out there, especially those who haven't visited the New Citadel, I highly encourage it. It's even more beautiful than before, and would make for a great vacation spot." She turned back on the couch to face Shepard, reaching out for a handshake. "Thank you so much for the great interview, Councilor. I always look forward to speaking with you, and I'm sure our viewers do as well! Now, that's all that I have for this interview, so unless you'd like to say anything else?" Shepard shook her head, glad that the interview was almost done. "In that case, I'm Diana Allers with Citadel News 1, and I thank you all for watching."

As the camera drone powered down, Shepard breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back against the sofa. Diana laughed and put a hand on her shoulder briefly before standing up and gathering her gear. "Thanks again for the interview, Shepard. I always appreciate it. I'll go ahead and let myself out, okay?"

Shepard nodded and smiled at the reporter before closing her eyes once again. However, just before she could fall back asleep, her stomach growled violently and she stood up. She realized that it was now lunchtime, and that she hadn't eaten since her small lunch yesterday. After reheating last night's untouched meal, she ate it slowly and then decided to order some groceries. Pulling up her omnitool interface, she punched a few buttons and a menu came up. She selected a huge amount of items, checked the box for delivery, and approved the credit transfer. It only took about half a galactic hour for a young salarian to show up at her door, with an entire wagon full of stuff. She smiled and tipped him generously, before unloading all of the bags into the kitchen with his help. He tipped his cap to her as he left, and she methodically stashed all of the food into the pantry, freezer, and refrigerator, finally satisfied when everything was full. Grabbing another beer from her newly-replenished stock, she eased back down onto the couch and turned the television on once again. She flipped through channels until she found one with old Earth vids, or "movies" as they apparently once called them. It was already halfway over, so she didn't quite understand what was going on, but the bright colors  and graceful dances were entertaining enough to keep her focus for a while. When it was over, she had grown restless and decided to go for a walk around the Citadel. She stopped by and saw Captain Bailey in the C-Sec offices, visited Dr. Michel in the hospital (which had  been renamed after the war at her request, and was now known as the Karin Chakwas Memorial Hospital and Treatment Center), and made a quick stop at her office in the embassies to make sure nothing important had come up. After hours of meandering about the Citadel, Shepard was exhausted, and returned to her apartment. Her guards nodded politely at her as she entered her door code.

Within an hour, she had showered, eaten dinner, and dressed for bed. Her muscles and joints ached dully, reminding her that she was not the invincible woman she once had been. As she nestled down in her bed the weariness took hold, and she was asleep before her head hit the pillow.


	4. Sleeping With Admiral Qwib-Qwib

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is now updated, as promised! (3/3)

A week later, Tali sent a message to Shepard's omnitool, requesting a vid-comm session. As soon as Shepard was done with her Council duties, which thankfully were not as aggravating as usual, she hurried home, changed into comfortable clothes, and sat down at her desk, pulling up the vid-comm screen and connecting to Rannoch. When Tali's face came into view, Shepard frowned. The quarian had obviously been crying, her eyes glowing far less brightly than usual.

"Tali, what's wrong?" Shepard didn't want to think about something going wrong with her friend's wedding, not when she was this close to happiness with Koris. She sat back cautiously in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. Tali wiped at her eyes with the back of one hand, and then shook her head.

"It's nothing important, Shepard, everything's fine."

"You don't seem fine, Tali. Now what is it?"

"It's nothing, really. If you're still worried when you get here for the wedding, we can talk about it then. Okay?" She wanted to keep pushing for a straight answer, but Shepard knew that Tali was (almost) as stubborn as she was. Especially since being elected to the Admiralty, the quarian had gotten much better at holding her ground in arguments. And as much as it concerned her to see the young Admiral's eyes so sad, Shepard wasn't going to get any more information out of her today. She sighed.

"If you say so. Now, what did you need me for?"

Tali perked up a bit, her shoulders straightening and a faint smile crossing her lips. "Well, since you didn't exactly get to help me with all of the wedding planning and what-not, I figured that you should at least get to be the first one to see the suit I'm going to wear." Her eyes brightened and Shepard let herself relax.

"Of course I'd love to see it, Tali. But I have a quick question - I've never been to or even heard about a quarian wedding. Is there something I need to read up on about customs or traditions, so I don't completely embarrass myself?" Tali smiled and shook her head as she leaned out of the view of the camera to grab something.

"No, you'll be just fine, Shepard. Our weddings are relatively close to yours, I believe, but the ceremony is shorter and the party is longer! There's much less of an emphasis on the wedding party with quarians"

"Good, because you're already making me wear heels, and I don't know that I could handle much more embarrassment than that. You do realize, Tali, that I don't _ever_ wear heels? I've done it maybe twice in my entire life."

"Perhaps that will give you an extra excuse to sit out from the dancing, Shepard," Tali chuckled. There was a ruffling of paper, a delighted hum, and then she was back on the screen again, holding a carefully folded bunch of scarlet metallic plates. She gently unfolded it and held it up against her body, and Shepard couldn't contain her grin.

"Tali, that is the most beautiful enviro-suit I have ever seen. It's perfect."

"I thought so too," Tali chuckled, tracing a finger down one of the sleeves. The suit was a perfect N7 red, laced with delicate silver swirls of paint. A gathered bundle of silvery embroidered fabric indicated a hood, but when Tali turned the garment around Shepard realized that there was also a long, flowing cape of the same material.

"You're going to be beautiful, Tali. Zaal'Koris must be thrilled, huh?" At Shepard's remark, Tali looked away shyly, grinning like an idiot.

"He's very excited for this.... for all of the things we have to look forward to," she sighed, looking over the suit once more before refolding it and putting it away. "I thought you would like the color, too."

Shepard nodded and smiled. "N7 red. Perfect. What made you pick this color?"

"Well, actually..." Tali hesitated, and her hands fidgeted nervously. "Shepard, you remember Kal'Reegar, right?" Shepard nodded, and Tali sucked in a breath before continuing. "We were... together, I guess, after I went back to the Fleet." A smirk flitted across Shepard's features. She had seen the signs even on Haestrom. The fact that they had acted on their feelings did not surprise anyone who knew the two of them one bit. Tali ignored Shepard's unspoken comment and continued. "Long story short, we fell in love fast. And we talked all the time about the 'what ifs' of a future without the reapers. But he... um, he died on Palaven. Auntie Raan was the one who told me. After all of that, after all we had survived together, he just died. And I wasn't even there to say goodbye... I felt so alone for a really long time." Shepard closed her eyes and shook her head, hating that she hadn't known about this before.

"Tali, I..." What could she say? Shepard remembered all too well how much she had despised the empty condolences that had flooded her inbox every day for months. But Tali would know that whatever she said was genuine. "I'm so sorry. I wish you had told me about this before, I would've been there for you. You know that."

Tali nodded, her eyes clouded with memories. "I know, Shepard. You've always been such a good friend to me - the closest thing I've ever had to a sister, really. But I wasn't ever ready to talk about it when I was back on board the _Normandy_. You already had so much on your plate, especially after Thessia. And I still couldn't quite believe that he was gone."

There was a long, silent pause. Shepard wanted to reach out and hug Tali, or to squeeze her hand. She wanted to say something eloquent, to give some wise piece of advice about losing someone you loved. God knew Shepard had been there _so_ many times before, but she still couldn't find any words for her dear friend. As the silence persisted, Shepard's hands folded in front of her. Finally, she just looked back up at Tali and said, "I'm so sorry, Tali. No one should have to go through that." The quarian shrugged, her eyes still sad.

"I've come to accept what happened. But the first person I ever really talked to about it was Zaal'Koris, actually. It was about a year after the war, and the Admiralty Board had finally gotten more or less settled on Rannoch. Zaal'Koris had given me this long, really sincere apology for the way he behaved during the war, and then we got into telling stories over drinks. I ended up telling him about Reegar, and he just... sat there and listened." A single tear started to slowly trickle down Tali's cheek, and her voice was wavering. Still, she continued on, a bittersweet smile on her face. "By the time I'd finished I was sobbing like an idiot, and Koris just helped me out of the bar and took me back to his apartment. He tucked me into his bed, and then slept on the couch. When I woke up the next morning, he didn't ask me any questions about it or anything. He just made breakfast and then turned on Fleet and Flotilla, and laughed at it the whole way through while I sang along. And from that day on, we just kept getting closer. I can tell him anything, Shepard. And even though I still miss Kal'Reegar, I can't help but fall more in love with Koris every day. He's an incredible man."

Shepard's heart lifted, and she breathed out a sigh of relief. "That's great, Tali. You're so lucky to have found someone like him. I'm really, really happy for you guys." _A little jealous, even, because I once had what you have now. And the only person who ever made me feel that kind of love is gone._ Tali's eyes gleamed a little brighter.

"Anyways, the reason we chose that red was because... Well, actually, Koris suggested it. He wanted to honor Kal'Reegar's memory, to have him kind of watching over us I guess. Reegar's enviro-suit was that exact red - Koris even tracked down the manufacturer and made sure it was the same shade. When he asked me if I was okay with the color, I didn't even know what to say. He's really such a loving person. I just can't wait for the wedding, Shepard. And I can't wait for you to be here on Rannoch, to see everything we've done. Oh, and you can see the house! Oh Shepard, you'll love it!"

Shepard chuckled at the sudden enthusiasm. "It's going to be beautiful. I'm looking forward to seeing all the reconstruction." Her omnitool pinged abruptly, and Shepard hit a few buttons to pull up the message. She frowned. "I'm afraid I'll have to let you go for now, Tali. Admiral Hackett just requested a vidcomm, and you know how he can get."

"No problem Shepard, we'll talk later. Ping me when you can!" With a wave and a smile, Tali leaned forward and signed off the vidcomm. As soon as her face had disappeared, Hackett's popped up. He looked incredibly worried, his wrinkled face contorted into an unsettling scowl. He wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Councilor." Shepard waited for him to continue speaking, but he said nothing. She looked around nervously.

"Yes, Admiral? Is everything all right?"

Hackett ran a hand through his thinning gray hair and scratched his head. Her stomach began to tighten and twist, anxiety building with every moment of silence between them. 

"Admiral Hackett, what's going on?"

After a long beat, he looked down at the ground. He opened his mouth to say something, but then shook his head. "You need to report to the Council Chambers, Shepard. Immediately."

"Admiral, I need you to tell me what's happening. Now."

"I can't do that, Shepard. Just get down here as quick as you can. There's a very delicate situation that requires your attention, specifically." With that, his side of the vidcomm went dark. Shepard sat back in her chair and tried to think of a situation that warranted that much concern from Hackett. There had been a couple of serious problems since her election to the council, but nothing that had rattled him so much as this. And why did he say that it required her attention specifically? Unless there was some sort of human terrorist activity. Shit, was Cerberus back somehow?

Before her thoughts could begin running absolutely rampant, Shepard turned her vidcomm terminal off and sighed, rubbing her temples. Emergency Council meetings were never a good sign. Not once in all her years dealing with the Council had she heard of a "good emergency meeting". Once she had changed back into her blue dress and white coat, she summoned her skycar and sped to the Council Chamber, the knot in her stomach growing tighter every second.

 

#

 

When she arrived at the Chamber, the other councilors all greeted her rather warily. Shepard took a deep breath and stood behind her podium, logging into the interface. While she waited for the agenda to load, she looked up at the others.

"What exactly is going on?" she asked. Councilor Tevos frowned for a moment, and then used her omnitool to send a message to Alaris, the asari receptionist. She didn't answer Shepard's question, nor did any of the other councilors. None of them spoke or moved, staring straight ahead at the doors as a group of well-dressed civilians entered. As they drew closer, Shepard realized that they were the communications team. She was thoroughly confused now. Why would they call an emergency meeting just to hear the reports from the communications teams? There had never been anything urgent recovered, and most of the messages and reports were deleted when it was determined that they had no relevance anymore. She recognized Oriana Lawson leading the group, her too-familiar face anxious. Oriana had finally begun to really look like Miranda's genetic twin - her lips were fuller now, and her hair had even taken on the same effortless wave. It was odd for Shepard, seeing Miranda's face in front of her but knowing that it was someone entirely different.

The comms team stopped a few yards away from the Council, and Oriana pulled out a datapad from the bag she carried over her shoulder. A few buttons were quickly pressed, and the scientist looked back up at the Council, waiting until she was asked to speak. Shepard looked down the line at Councilor Tevos, hoping the asari would quickly clear all this mess up. But it was Sparatus who spoke, his voice grim and his subharmonics humming with anxiety.

"Ms. Lawson, thank you for coming so quickly. I know it's not easy for you to leave your family at a moment's notice, but we appreciate it a great deal." The young woman nodded once in thanks, and Sparatus continued. "We  haven't explained the situation to Councilor Shepard yet, Oriana. We thought that perhaps you would be able to do so better, being that you were the one who found the data."

Shepard looked at the turian sharply, her heart starting to pound. Oriana cleared her throat nervously and looked down at her datapad.

"Well, Councilor Shepard, we've been scanning all of the incoming messages for the past week or so, since the last relay opened. Most of them were the typical things you'd expect - old shipping manifests, flight records, emergency reports from the war, et cetera. However, about three days ago we began seeing a significant amount of messages coming in from a single source. After sorting out all of the messages that came from that source, I came to the realization that there were 2, 204 messages total." Oriana paused and peeked up at Shepard from under her long lashes, as though expecting her to react. Shepard just looked at the other councilors once more, still confused as hell, and then blinked at Oriana. The girl sighed faintly. "Starting a little less than a year and a half after the reapers were destroyed, there is one message for every single day. They are consistent, but there are no more messages from the source that are dated within the past week."

Shepard sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. "Ms. Lawson, I don't mean to be short with you, but get to the point please. I'd like to know exactly why I was called down here." Oriana's eyes widened a bit, but she quickly continued.

"Yes ma'am. Well, we weren't able to identify the source of the messages from the codes themselves. It wasn't anything we recognized - it looks to have been from a crude, scrapped-together device. Yesterday, we finally had sifted through to the first messages that were sent, and we discovered the source." There was a long pause as Oriana took a deep breath, avoiding Shepard's eyes. "Those messages came from... Well, they were sent by the crew of the Normandy."

Shepard was grateful for her podium in front of her - without it to support her, she would have simply collapsed to the ground right then. Every fiber of her being shook with surprise, and the hope that she had abandoned so long ago suddenly came rushing back. If the crew of the Normandy were sending messages every day since the war, that meant they had to be alive, right? And if any of them had survived, Garrus would surely be amongst them. He had to be. She tried to slow her breathing before replying to Oriana.

"Were you able to trace what planet these messages were sent from?"

Oriana shook her head, sadly. "No, ma'am. We couldn't even determine what system they were in. However, this morning one of my associates found something while scanning the mass relays. It was pretty significantly altered, but we think that we may have spotted the Normandy's signal travelling through several mass relays within the last few days."

Shepard's heart soared, and her knees began to shake. "Are you telling me that we've finally found the _Normandy_ , Ms. Lawson?" Oriana shook her head slightly, her eyes still troubled.

"We're not positive, Councilor. There are many similarities to the signal, but there is a great possibility that it is just some another Alliance ship. I do not wish to give you false hope, but we knew you would want to be informed of these findings." Shepard nodded gratefully at the scientist.

"Thank you, Oriana. Thank you very much." The girl was visibly relieved, her shoulders relaxing as she released a long breath.

"You and your team may go, Ms. Lawson," said Councilor Tevos from her podium. As the doors closed behind the comms team, Sparatus sighed wearily. Shepard looked back and forth between the two of them, her heart lighter than it had been in years. _There is still hope,_ she thought to herself. _Hope that I had given up on for so long._

"We need to send a reconnaissance team out to wherever that signal was last spotted," Shepard said to the other council members. "I'm sure the _Normandy_ won't be in great shape, and the crew will surely need supplies and food and definitely medical care. I can go ahead and start arranging for - "

Tevos interrupted her. "Shepard, wait a moment. We're not sending out any recon teams."

Shepard's blood ran cold, and she couldn't help but glare at the asari. "What do you mean, we're not sending anyone? The _Normandy_ is travelling through the relays, probably with a wounded crew. We have to send someone out to find them." Tevos shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Shepard, but you heard Ms. Lawson. They aren't even sure that it is the Normandy's signal that they've been tracking. We cannot spend our resources to send an entire reconnaissance troop out to look for one ship."

It had been a very long time since Shepard was truly enraged, but she could feel anger starting to bubble up deep within her. "This is the _Normandy_ we're talking about, Tevos. Not just some generic Alliance freighter. Certainly we could afford to send a team out there, it's not like they're doing much else right now." Tevos's eyes narrowed, but it was Councilor Cratazan who spoke then.

"Councilor Shepard, with all due respect we must consider the facts we've been given. No one is sure that this is in fact the Normandy, and the messages stopped being sent a week ago. For all we know, the last surviving crewmember may have finally perished. Although I have to admit, I'm impressed that they lived this long, wherever they ended up."

Shepard's hands balled up into fists, and she suddenly felt the urge to hit something. Hard. It took all her willpower to control the tone of her voice as she glared at the krogan. "No one is sure that it isn't the Normandy either, Cratazan, and if there's any sign that they might be alive we should be sending out an entire fucking army if that's what it takes to bring them home."

Ecron spoke next, his huge eyes blinking calmly. "Shepard, it is understandable that this news would upset you. We were all hoping that perhaps this would bring you some closure, but now I daresay we have only succeeded in making this harder for you. Everyone here is aware of how much the _Normandy_ and its crew meant to you, and they are truly missed. However, it simply is not logical to allocate resources to a 'wild goose chase', as you humans would say. It is time to let go, Shepard."

Her rage hit its boiling point, and her willpower snapped. "You have no idea what they meant to me, Ecron! And _how dare you_ tell me to let go. Telling me something like this is probably the worst thing you could have done, especially if you're going to sit here and give me some bullshit excuse about why we can't go get them. It's the _Normandy_ , dammit! If there's even a remote chance that my crew is alive, then why can't we spend every available resource to find them? You want to give me closure? Send a reconnaissance team." As she paused to catch her breath, she felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked up to see that Sparatus had moved beside her. She hadn't even realized that she had stepped out from behind her podium and gotten threateningly close to Ecron. Tevos was glowing ever-so-slightly blue, a faint warning to Shepard. Cratazan simply looked amused - he probably just wanted to watch whatever fight might be about to happen. Sparatus looked down at her and shook his head, his eyes sad.

"Shepard, you know they're right. I know how much this must hurt, believe me, but we have no idea where they are. It's been seven years. The chances that they are alive are so impossibly slim that we simply can't justify a galaxy-wide search for a ship so small as the Normandy. I'm sorry, I really am, but I have to agree with the others on this."

Tevos sighed exasperatedly. "Yes, yes, we're sorry. Listen, Shepard, I get that you're upset about this. But this is an issue that we will not be bringing up again, so I suggest that when you report back for tomorrow's meetings, you are at least pretending not to be angry with the rest of us."

Sparatus puffed up defensively, his mandibles flaring in anger. "Councilor Tevos, you simply cannot expect Shepard to just 'get over it' over the course of a night. We've just given her some rather terrible news, and I am honestly appalled that you would speak down to a fellow councilor like that. Shepard has every right to be upset, for as long as she needs to be. This opened wounds that have been closed for quite some time, and she will need time to recover. Perhaps we should postpone all council meetings for the next few days until - "

"Goddess help me, there is no way we can postpone even one day's worth of meetings, let alone multiple! If Shepard can't control her emotions, then perhaps she should take a short leave of absence and we can elect an interim human councilor while she is... 'recovering'."

"We will do no such thing!" The turian councilor was furious now, his hand still resting protectively on Shepard's shoulder. She felt tears stinging her eyes and looked down at her feet, forcing herself not to cry in front of the council. They already thought she was weak enough without waterworks. "Get a hold of yourself, Tevos," Sparatus growled. "Shepard is not at fault for her emotions, and it is completely understandable that she be upset. You will not bully her into submission over this, and so help me Spirits, I will make _damn_ sure of that." Shepard looked up at the turian, grateful to have a kind of protector in this. He glared down at the asari, but then both of them were looking at the back of the room. Both Tevos and Sparatus were wide-eyed with shock for some reason, and Shepard glanced uneasily back and forth between the two of them. After a beat, Sparatus looked down at her, breathless, and nodded toward the doors to the Chamber. Shepard followed his gaze, and suddenly felt weightless. Three people had just entered the Chamber, the first in a wheelchair, and the second leaning heavily for support on the third. The two standing weren't as easily identifiable without armor to the other councilors, but Shepard had seen one of them, at least, without armor enough to recognize them immediately. But could this be real? Were they really standing there, in the middle of the Chamber? She picked up her skirt and carefully descended the stairs, slowly at first. As her heart rate picked up, so did her speed and suddenly she was practically sprinting down the stairs and towards the new arrivals. Before she could get too close, she stopped abruptly, still trying to decide whether or not this was some cruel joke.

It was odd, seeing Garrus without his blue visor. He took it off at night, of course, but seeing him in broad daylight with nothing glowing on his face was strange. But everything else was achingly familiar. She stepped slowly towards him, reaching out to touch his scarred cheek. She had forgotten the exact pattern of his scars, the feel of the ridges under her fingers. But now every line, every break and slash became familiar once more. As she ran her hand over his fringe, she recalled their first night together, and his fascination with the softness of her dark crimson hair. Finally, she carefully and precisely traced the royal blue patterns across his face. They were faded, sure, but even if they'd been gone completely she still would have known exactly where they'd been.

Her turian was alive and here. Right in front of her.

Every ounce of strength left her and she collapsed into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and finally letting go of all the tears and sobs and painful memories that she'd held back for years. The sound of his subharmonics was the most beautiful music she'd ever heard, exploding with relief and with joy and with love. When she caught her breath, she leaned back and looked at Garrus, relishing the sight of those blue eyes staring back down at her.

"You're here," she whispered breathlessly. "Oh my God, you're alive." His warm, three-fingered hand cupped her cheek, and before she could blink their foreheads were pressed together. She had never felt so at home as she did in this moment, with everything finally where it was supposed to be all along.

As she cherished the warmth of his forehead on hers, she breathed in the long-lost scent of his skin. The smells of gunmetal and polishing oil had haunted her sleep for almost a decade, but now it was all she could smell. Maybe the nightmares of that day would finally stop for good now. Maybe now, there would only be sweet dreams of the two of them, and maybe now every morning she was going to wake up to a blue-eyed turian, warm and strong and snuggled up against her. Shepard closed her eyes for a moment, and bit the inside of her cheek just to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She tasted blood, winced a bit at the pain, and then smiled again.

No, this wasn't a dream - it was real. She was awake, and Garrus was alive, and it was _real_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, feel free to keep suggestions coming! I am always looking to improve this for all of you (and for myself, admittedly).


	5. No More Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a companion chapter to the previous one, just from a different perspective. Please excuse the repetition of some of the dialogue, but I felt that it was important to see both sides of these events.

"Garrus, wake up. We made it."

The turian didn't move from his slumber, and Liara rolled her eyes.

"Garrus, we're here. If you don't get up right now, we will leave you on this ship and lock the airlock behind us." After a few more moments of silence, Garrus grumbled and half-opened his sleepy eyes.

"Come on Liara, I just want a few more... minutes..." As he drifted back towards sleep, Liara shook her head.

"Oh, no you don't Mr. Vakarian. Get _up_!" She stripped the blankets off of Garrus and he snorted, his eyes fully open now. He slowly eased himself up into a sitting position. Liara kneeled down beside the bed and poked carefully around his right knee, looking up with concern when she heard Garrus growl faintly. "The hospital will certainly be able to take care of this once we get there. I wish there was more I could have done to make it heal properly, but there are probably cybernetic options for you to consider that will give you full mobility."

Garrus sighed and nodded, gently swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "You did the best you could with what we had, Liara. I doubt anyone could have done better."

There was an unspoken exception to that statement, but neither of them was willing to bring up Doctor Chakwas right now. It was time to look forward to a new future - there would be time for proper memorials later. For now, it was time to see what the galaxy had become in their lengthy absence.

Liara bent down and wrapped her arms under Garrus's, hauling him up to his feet. He leaned heavily on her, but she was used to helping him around at this point. As they eased up the stairs of the cabin into the elevator, Garrus stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

"We'll be coming back to the ship, right Liara?" The asari nodded, following his gaze to the amazingly still-intact collection of model ships. Only a couple of them had fallen and broken beyond repair in the crash, namely the Sovereign model (which didn't bother Garrus one bit) and the _Normandy SR-1_ (which bothered him a lot).

"I can have someone sent to gather her - I mean, your things. Sorry." An embarrassed purple blush crept into Liara's cheeks and she turned back to face the elevator. Garrus took one last long look at his - and Shepard's - cabin, before hobbling out with Liara.

Joker was already waiting for them in the CIC, wheeling himself around in impatient circles. He looked up when he heard them approach and smiled wider than Garrus had seen in a long time. "You guys finally up and ready to go? Took you long enough!" Liara rolled her eyes with a smirk and nodded towards the airlock. Joker took the hint and began wheeling himself forward with childlike enthusiasm, while Liara and Garrus ambled behind at a much slower pace.

"Joker, I would like to remind you that I had already called for a hospital transport for Kaidan, packed all of his things, escorted him to the hospital, _and_ done a last-minute check of the _Normandy_ before I even woke you up." Joker turned back to look at Liara with a shrug and a wink, before gently pressing the airlock button. The three of them waited for the decontamination process, and then the outer doors of the _Normandy_ slid open.

Liara gasped, and Garrus's jaw effectively dropped when they got their first glimpse of the New Citadel. It was more pristine and beautiful than it had ever been before - even the docks looked incredible. Everything was white and silver, all shiny and new and full of hope. Joker just nodded appreciatively for a moment, and then continued to wheel onwards. There was a skycar depot just across the way, and Liara decided that that would probably be quicker than ordering another hospital transport. When they got closer to the counter, Liara helped Garrus to lean on Joker's wheelchair while she squeezed up to the desk amidst a crowd of people. She didn't recognize any of the employees there, but they were all very friendly looking at least. The human female across the counter smiled up at her and asked cheerily, "Where to, ma'am?"

"The hospital, please. For three passengers." The young woman nodded and typed away at her keyboard, humming pleasantly.

"And can I get a name for the reservation please?"

"Just put it under T'Soni, if you would." Liara held out a credit chit that they'd scavenged from Dr. Chakwas's medbay, and the girl scanned it with a smile. Her omnitool pinged loudly, and she looked down at it. Shock flitted across her features, and she looked back up at Liara with a raised eyebrow.

"This may seem like an odd question, ma'am, but could you please tell me what ship you just disembarked from? I know it sounds ridiculous, but it says here that credit chit belongs to somebody from the Normandy." Liara looked the girl in the eyes and leaned down across the counter.

"That's correct, ma'am. We've just arrived on the Normandy, my colleagues and I. Earlier this morning one of our other associates was transported to the hospital, though, so we'd like to get there as quick as possible to check up on his condition. As well as getting medical assessments for the rest of us, of course."

The young woman just blinked in surprise and handed the credit chit back. As the human looked back down at her screen, she frowned and bit her cheek, considering something. "Ms. T'Soni, I don't know exactly what your medical situation is, but might I suggest you first make a stop at the Council Chamber? I have a feeling they would very much like to know you are here." Liara tilted her head, considering the idea, and then shrugged.

"None of us will be worse for the wear with a small detour. We will head there first, and then continue to the hospital."

"Excellent!" Once more the girl typed something into her computer, fingers flying over the keys. "And ma'am, you'll find that your credits have been refunded. Please enjoy this trip on this house - we owe you and your crewmates a lot for saving this place." Liara nodded and smiled softly, and one more ping sounded from the omnitool. "All right, it looks like you're all good to go, Ms. T'Soni! If you'll just head over to the valet," the girl pointed towards a green-armored krogan at the end of the counter, "he'll get you all settled and out of here in no time. Thank you for visiting the New Citadel, and we hope you have a wonderful stay!" Liara smiled back at her and returned to Joker and Garrus, taking up her position as turian-crutch once more.

The krogan already had a skycar waiting, and it didn't take them long at all to get Joker's wheelchair loaded into the trunk. Garrus frowned the whole way there, and didn't even turn to look at Liara when she asked, "What is the matter, my friend?" She could see the reflection of his anxious eyes in the window, and it troubled her.

"Having a nice little reunion chat with the Council wasn't exactly on my agenda today," Garrus grumbled finally. "I wonder what their whole take on the war was, after it was over. Then again, I'm not sure that's something I want to hear today." Liara nodded in agreement and patted his hand gently.

"It will only be for a few moments, Garrus. Just to let them know that we are here, that we are alive, and then we will head to the hospital and get you looked at." Garrus nodded solemnly and absentmindedly tapped his long, slender fingers against his leg.

"Yeah. But if they ask about her... I just don't want to deal with that right now."

"I know, Garrus. I know."

When they finally arrived at the new Council Chambers, Liara was rather surprised at how understated it seemed compared to the old Citadel Tower. The building was clearly a place of politics, but rather than piercing the skyline with a huge tower, it was just a large, round building with lines and lines of words carved into the outer walls, which Liara couldn't read from so far away. They opened the doors to the building, and an asari receptionist looked up from her work.

"How can I help you?"

Garrus spoke up, his subharmonics screaming impatience to be done with this and on to the hospital. "We need to speak to the Council, immediately." The asari frowned and shook her head.

"I'm afraid that's not possible right now, sir. They're having an emergency meeting, and have asked not to be disturbed." Joker snorted and wheeled closer to the asari's desk.

"Ma'am, I hate to cause trouble, but I promise they would want to see us. Just tell them we're from the _Normandy_ , I swear they'll let us in. And in case you didn't notice, we're kind of in a hurry. You see my friend here's leg is - "

Joker was cut off by a startled gasp from the asari. "Wait, the _Normandy_?" The three of them nodded in unison, and the receptionist's eyes went wide. "Oh, Goddess, you're alive. This... well this is incredible!" She leapt from her seat and hurried over towards a tall pair of doors, beckoning for them to follow. When they'd all caught up to her, she smiled genuinely and nodded at them.

"Welcome back to the Citadel, _Normandy_ crew." And with that, she pulled the door towards her, and ushered the three stragglers in.

 

#

 

When the surviving crew of the _Normandy_ straggled through the doors of the new Council Chambers, the councilors were all gathered around one podium, discussing something that was apparently a very divided issue. The  salarian councilor, and - wait, a krogan? - both bore very stern expressions, as Tevos counted out something on her fingers with agitation that was visible even from across the room. The turian councilor, his back to the new arrivals, had drawn himself up to his full height in defense, and Garrus could see even from here the way his mandibles twitched furiously. The turian had a protective hand on the shoulder of a slender human woman beside him, whose head and shoulders hinted at defeat. Garrus couldn't see the woman's face, but he had only ever seen one person with hair that specific shade of red. Suddenly, he felt every molecule in his body vibrating with relief and joy and hope and, most importantly, love. His good knee suddenly felt all too weak to support him, and as he slowly sank to the ground Liara removed his arm from around her shoulder, allowing him to fall completely to the floor. He kneeled on his left knee, the one that still worked, and could do nothing else but stare as his mandibles quivered. If turians could cry, he'd be bawling right about now.

Joker put a hand on his shoulder, smiling down from his wheelchair. Liara's eyes shone with joyful tears, and she clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "By the Goddess, she's alive."

When Liara spoke, the turian councilor's head whipped around. Garrus was relieved to see that it was Councilor Sparatus - it was always good to see a familiar face after so long. As Sparatus slowly took in the three of them, huddled together at the entrance to the Chambers, his jaw dropped and his eyes went wide with shock. Councilor Tevos was the next to notice them, and her hand flew over her mouth as she gasped. The krogan and salarian councilors merely glanced at them with the mildest of interest, then turned back to the other councilors, clearly not understanding the gravity of the situation. Garrus's heart leapt in his chest as Sparatus gently pulled at the human's shoulder to turn her around, and as she moved she looked up at Sparatus questioningly. He nodded in Garrus's direction, and her full face became visible.

"Shepard." Her name was a whisper, the sound of his entire world coming back to him. For the first time in seven years, he could finally draw a full breath and despite his body being broken, he was once again whole in her presence. She looked right into his eyes, and as realization slowly spread across her face, the other councilors backed away to give her space. She slowly took a few steps forward, and  picked up the skirt of her dress as she descended the long staircase, never taking her eyes from his. When she was about three-quarters of the way down the stairs, she picked up her pace, and suddenly she was running towards him. But a few feet away, she slowed again and finally stopped when she was just out of arms' reach.

For the longest moment, neither of them moved. Neither of them even breathed. Then, cautiously, she inched forward. Her hand reached out to brush his scarred mandible, tracing the patterns before running her fingertips over his fringe. Finally, as she mapped out his colony markings, a strangled sob escaped her and she collapsed into his embrace, her chest against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could manage and buried his face in the still-familiar warmth of her neck. Her whole body shook with relief, and he let out a long relieved sigh, knowing she would be able to hear in his subvocals everything he wasn't capable of saying right now.

The whole chamber had gone dead silent, save for the sounds of Shepard gasping for breath as her quiet sobs subsided. After a deep breath, she disentangled herself and kneeled in front of Garrus, her black makeup streaking down her face and her eyes puffy with tears. To Garrus, she had never looked more beautiful. She cupped his face with her tiny human hands.

"You're here. Oh my God, you're alive." Fresh tears started to track down her cheeks, and he wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs. She smiled, her lavender eyes shining up at him. His hand went to her cheek and she leaned into his touch, sighing happily. Garrus seized the opportunity and leaned forward, and just as he'd hoped, she sat up a little bit to bring her forehead to his. He felt her smile even wider beneath his hand.

Everything was finally right again, after all these years.

Joker coughed, and the lovers broke apart abruptly, Shepard looking up at her former pilot. She laughed, kissed Garrus gently, and then stood up, dusting off her uniform. Joker held open his arms for a hug and Shepard obliged, leaning down into his embrace. She went to give him a gentle squeeze, but he stiffened.

"Hey, watch it Commander. I'm still kinda _crippled_ , you know, and God knows I haven't been taking my meds for a while," he chuckled, and Shepard rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Sorry, Joker, I always did forget you were pretty fragile." She was laughing along with him, but there was a sadness in her eyes as she glanced at the wheelchair. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Don't worry about me, Commander. The hospital should be able to fix me up pretty quick and get me back on track. That was supposed to be our first stop, but we were informed that there was someone we needed to see." Joker winked at her, and then it was Liara's turn to be reunited with Shepard. The asari took a step towards her and Shepard hugged her with all the force she could muster. As they stepped apart, Shepard appraised the three of them and frowned. Garrus knew that, especially to her, they probably looked awful. They were all terribly thin, and he knew his plates looked far too dull to be healthy. Joker's beard was frighteningly full and speckled with gray, though he'd used a knife to at least keep the length in check. It alarmed her even more when Liara bent down and took Garrus's arm, hauling him to his feet. Shepard reached out to support him as he put his arm around her shoulder, and he winced when she realized that he wasn't putting any weight on his right leg. She opened her mouth as though she was about to comment on it, but Sparatus and Tevos had appeared behind her.

"I presume that these are the _Normandy_ survivors," said Sparatus. Shepard nodded,  but Liara was the one who answered.

"Councilor Sparatus, you are correct. There is another in our group, but he was transported to the hospital as soon as we arrived. He was in very bad shape - I'd done all that I could for him while we were stranded, but he is severely malnourished and dehydrated."

Shepard looked over at her, an anxious edge to her voice. "Who is it?" Liara blinked calmly.

"Spectre Alenko, Commander. His implants were also severely damaged in the crash, so it was imperative that he get medical attention as soon as possible." Shepard snorted derisively as Garrus shifted his weight, trying to take some of the pressure off her shoulders. She then launched into a surprisingly gentle lecture, and he heard that commander tone he was so used to creeping back into her voice.

"You all should've gotten medical attention as soon as possible. The doctors could have sent me a message when you arrived there and then I would come see you, and you'd all be okay by now and not looking like half-starved vorcha. And by the way, what the hell happened to - "

"Shepard, these three have been through a great deal," Tevos interjected. "As have you. I think it's best if we get them all to the medical center for immediate treatment. You can catch up with them once they've gotten some food and water." Shepard sighed and rubbed her temples.

"Of course. You're right, Tevos. I'm sorry guys, come on. The three of you can ride in my skycar with me." Liara nodded and the four of them left the chamber and walked to the dock. Her driver acknowledged her with a wave as they approached. Before opening the door for them, the driver bowed his head briefly.

"Where to, Councilor?"

Garrus's eyes grew wide and his mandibles pulled tight to his face in surprise. "Wait, Councilor? Shepard, are you serious?" Her cheeks grew warm, and he had to smother the hum of pleasure that bubbled up in his throat. He had forgotten how much he missed some of her precious human quirks. "Well damn, a human councilor's long-lost love returns after seven years. We'll make news headlines for sure." He winked at her, and she leaned her head against his shoulder lovingly.  He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her that he had missed for so long. She had always smelled of rain and sunshine and clean sweat, and he had grown so used to breathing those scents in every night as he fell asleep in the months before they were separated. But he wouldn't have to miss her anymore - no more nightmares of her body floating helplessly through space, or of a banshee running her through with its claws, or of her slender form crumbling under Harbinger's beam.

No, now there would only be sweet dreams of the two of them, and every morning he was going to wake up to her lavender eyes and her soft, sweet smell. Garrus shook his head for a moment, and briefly dug an unfiled talon into the plates of his leg, to make sure he wasn't just dreaming.

And it wasn't a dream - this was real. He was awake, and Shepard was alive, and it was _real_.


	6. The Long Road Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard gets a run-down of the team's extensive injuries.

She still couldn’t quite believe he was here.

Her thumb absentmindedly ran back and forth over Garrus's warm hand entwined with her own, re-committing the leathery feel of his skin to her memory. It hadn't taken them long to remember how their hands fit together, his three fingers against her five. He was sleeping, now, and she finally had the opportunity to really see just how bad he looked. His plates were looking more dull and flat than she'd ever seen on a turian. The sterile white of the hospital sheets, combined with the dark grey of his hospital gown, emphasized his poor coloring all too well. Shepard knew from experience how slender turians were, but Garrus was absolutely rail-thin. There was so little muscle left on him that she was wondering how he had even managed to stand up, even with Liara's support. The skin around his eyes was dark with exhaustion, and she wished there was some way she could just wipe away the wear and tear of the past seven years. But at least he was here, and he was alive, no matter how impossible the odds had been.

A salarian doctor knocked quietly at the door, and Shepard turned. It was Vacall Belen, who had been Shepard's physician since she'd been placed on the council. She smiled warmly at him and he came over to the end of the bed, holding a clipboard. He took a few moments to scribble down the vitals on Garrus's monitors, humming softly to himself. Then, Dr. Belen looked at Shepard and blinked rapidly in greeting.

"Councilor Shepard, you look well. Medications still working like they are supposed to?"

She nodded, and he knew that she was telling the truth. Honestly, she'd never felt better, although she was well aware that it had nothing to do with her meds. She turned rapidly as Garrus mumbled in his sleep, but he did not wake. Dr. Belen wrote something else down and then put the clipboard on the hook at the end of the hospital bed, sighing faintly.

"Shepard, would you like to wake Mr. Vakarian to talk about his options?" She looked back down at her sweet turian's drawn, tired face, and shook her head.

"No, Dr. Belen, you can just tell me. I want him to sleep as much as he can right now. Besides, whatever it is you're going to have to do, he'll respond better if I'm the one to break it to him. Don't sugarcoat it, please. Just give it to me straight." She was terrified that he was going to tell her that Garrus was too far gone, that there weren't enough dextro-amino nutrient supplements in the entire galaxy to bring him back from this emaciated state. But the doctor just picked the clipboard back up, unclipped a few papers from it, and handed them to her.

"These are the diagrams for what I'm about to suggest." He raised a hand as Shepard opened her mouth to protest, his eyes sharp. "Before you say anything, Councilor, please allow me to explain. When Mr. Vakarian arrived here, I performed numerous scans and tests, including a full-body x-ray. I found a great deal of fracture sites all over his body, in addition to the obvious damage in his leg. Most of these fractures seemed to heal fairly well on their own, and those won't require any additional action. However," he said as he pulled up an omnitool interface with Garrus's x-rays, "it is highly advisable that we operate on his left forearm, here, these two ribs, and his right shoulder, in addition to his leg. The leg will be the most important part, though, and the most extensive." He paused to let Shepard absorb the information, and she ran a hand through her hair with a sigh.

"Go on, Doctor. What's the situation with his leg?"

The salarian rifled through another few pages of medical reports. "He owes a great deal to Doctor T'Soni. I haven't been able to speak with her yet about exactly what she did, but she at least stabilized the wound. From what I can tell, some large piece of metal with a sharp edge sliced almost completely through the leg. Truly a miracle that she managed to heal the external wounds at all. However, there are indications that most of the tendons in the knee, as well as the cartilage, were completely severed. These do not appear to have healed properly, which is what has rendered that leg useless to him. I have looked at the situation, and unfortunately we believe that Mr. Vakarian's best option would be to have the leg amputated, just above the knee."

Shepard gasped, and tears sprang into her eyes. This would devastate Garrus, she was certain. He still slept peacefully, and she tightened her grasp on his hand. "So these diagrams... are these for turian prosthetics?" The doctor nodded, the corners of his mouth tilting up slightly.

"These are the mostly highly advanced prosthetics that are available to us right now. By using cybernetics technology, he will have full integration of the prosthetic with minimal loss of mobility. There will not be a spur on the new leg, but that is not necessary for survival. He will go through a long, very painful physical therapy process, but I trust that you are more than equipped to support him during that time. Now, I suggest that we perform these surgeries in seven days, so that he has some time to gain back some of his strength."

She breathed out a heavy sigh. "Thank you, Doctor. I'll tell him everything when he wakes up. How are the others?"

"Mr. Moreau has elected to receive full cybernetic implants, which will prevent further degradation of his bone material. It will also strengthen it, but there is nothing we can do to restore his bones to normal human standards. He will always be somewhat frail, but the implants will most certainly improve his life span and his quality of living. We intend to perform the procedure on Mr. Moreau two days before we operate on Mr. Vakarian, as Mr. Moreau is responding better to the nutrient supplements."

"There were a lot more levo rations on the _Normandy_ than dextro," Shepard sighed, remembering all too well how much Garrus had disliked the nutrient paste and ration bars that served as his meals most days during the war. She silently thanked Traynor, though, for suggesting that they stock up on both kinds of rations before attacking the Cerberus base. It certainly hadn't been intended for seven years' worth of sustenance, but it had apparently been just enough for the four of them to survive. "What about Liara?"

"Dr. T'Soni, surprisingly, did not sustain any injuries beyond minor skin lacerations. I think perhaps she may have projected a biotic barrier during the _Normandy's_ crash landing. We will keep her for observation until her nutrition levels are acceptable. The other one, Major Alenko - he's awake, but he's in critical condition. His implant was dislodged in the crash, and the asari didn't have the resources on board to do anything about that. We will be operating on him as soon as possible to remove the implant."

Shepard frowned. "Will you be able to replace his implant with a new one?" Doctor Belen shook his head apologetically.

"There is too much brain damage from the loose implant knocking around in there for so many years. We haven't run any skills or brain functioning tests yet, but it would be far too dangerous to try and hook up another biotic amp into his brain. I do not expect that he will ever be approved for combat again." Shepard rubbed at her eyes with a forefinger and thumb, thinking of all the good Kaidan could have done as a reinstated Spectre. She knew she should feel grateful that four of her old friends were alive, but it hurt her down to the core to think about Kaidan being stuck as a civilian for the rest of his life, or Joker confined to a wheelchair permanently, or Garrus never being able to walk again if the prosthetic didn't sync to his systems.

Still, Shepard wasn't about to take this second chance - well, third chance if you count the time that _she_ died - for granted, and she resolved to support each and every one of them through whatever was coming by way of recovery. She looked down at Garrus, still resting peacefully, and then asked, "Would it be all right if I went to speak to Kaidan?" Doctor Belen nodded.

"Go right ahead, Councilor. Mr. Vakarian here is in good hands." With that, the doctor walked out of the room and she was once again alone with Garrus. As gently as she could manage, she untangled her fingers from his and pressed a kiss to his forehead, before walking down the hall to Kaidan's room. The door was open, but she knocked on the frame to announce her presence.

"Come in, I'm up." She hadn't prepared for the way his voice would dredge back up those memories she had buried so long ago. On Horizon, back before shit had really hit the fan, Kaidan had embraced her so tightly, so desperately, that she had truly believed that they were going to make it together, no matter what the Collectors or Reapers may eventually have in store for them. But when, moments later, he began harshly criticizing her, almost yelling at her for not communicating - because she was _dead_ , for God's sake - her hope of a life with Kaidan had withered. And then he had said, for the first and last time, "I loved you." In the past tense.

When he came back aboard the _Normandy_ (as a Spectre no less), they'd agreed that there were no hard feelings about their past relationship. But they were both lying, and they both knew it. Kaidan had realized eventually that he had misjudged Shepard, and she had admitted her outright resentment of the situation to Tali on multiple occasions. Both of them had been at fault, but now they had moved on to other loves and other lives. That being said, it still wasn't easy to see the man she had once loved sitting up in _another_ hospital bed, once again staring out the window over the field of the Presidium.

He turned his head when she entered and smiled. Despite herself, she grinned back. "Well damn, Kaidan, we have got to stop meeting like this," Shepard chuckled, crossing to stand closer to his bedside. His eyes were so warm and familiar, but tired all at once as he met her gaze. She shifted slightly, a little uncomfortable with the way his eyes were appraising her at the moment.

"Hey there, Shepard," he said with a smile. She cocked her head slightly and raised an eyebrow at the tone of his voice, the lilt of her name as he said it. "So, we made it huh?"

"You all gave me quite the scare for a while, Kaidan. But yeah, you made it. You're safe. God, I was so worried about all of you," she sighed, pulling up a chair and sitting. She put her face in her hands and took a deep breath, knowing that letting all of the excitement of the last twelve hours overwhelm her would not be a good idea. "We didn't hear anything for so long, and then all of a sudden you're all back here and somehow alive, after I'd pretty much given up hope. Hell, I guess you finally got even with me for the whole Alchera thing." A dark chuckle escaped her before she could stop it, but tears threatened to follow.

Shepard felt warm, weak fingers slide around her wrist and pull a hand away from her face. She looked up abruptly at the touch, but Kaidan's eyes were confused. He looked much younger somehow, more reminiscent of the Alliance Lieutenant she had loved than the severe and judgmental Spectre she had said goodbye to in London.

"Posey, what do you mean? How long have I been out?" _What the hell?_ He hadn't called her by her first name since their night together before Ilos. Maybe he was just relieved to see her, that's all. She quickly guessed that the doctors hadn't spent much time with Kaidan yet, probably only bothering to check his vitals before flitting about to their other patients. She sighed, exhausted.

"You've only been here in the hospital since yesterday morning. But it's been seven years since I last saw or heard from any of you - I know I was gone for more than two years, but really? Trying to out-disappear me now?"

His expression only grew more questioning. "What are you talking about? Disappearing? And what Alchera thing?"

_What in the actual fucking hell?_

"Kaidan, come on. You bitched at me pretty relentlessly when I showed up on Horizon, I think I should get a chance to lecture you a little bit."

"Posey, I've never been to Horizon," he murmured, his forehead furrowing with concern.  "You know that... Are you okay? Do I need to get Dr. Chakwas to make sure you don't have a concussion?"

Her blood froze. Liara had already broke the news to her about Karin, how she had died upon impact during their crash landing. Why was Kaidan still speaking as though she were alive? Shepard pressed the back of one hand to his forehead - no fever. His vitals were all relatively fine. She looked back down at him, her heart beating quickly.

"Why would I have a concussion, Kaidan?" Her voice was cautious as she spoke the question, phrasing it as carefully as she could. _What does he remember, exactly?_ He looked at her just as warily and grabbed one of her hands in both of his, looking deep into her eyes.

"You had to have fallen, tripped or something, when all that Sovereign debris crashed into the tower. Maybe you hit your head on something. I know you insisted when you found us that you were fine, but I really think you should let Chakwas take a look just in case. Garrus and I were both there, we saw what you looked like. Better safe than sorry, you know." His smile was genuine as he squeezed her hand gently, tenderly.

 _Oh my god._ Shepard's thoughts began to race as she realized what was going on _. He doesn't remember anything since_ Saren _. Oh my god, he doesn't remember Alchera, or Horizon, or the Battle of London or_ any _of it._

"Kaidan, I... You've been - "

He interrupted her quietly. "Posey, you don't have to worry about me, okay? Go get yourself checked up. I'm sure Chakwas is floating around here somewhere - she always hides out in the hospital when we get Citadel shore leave. Besides, we wouldn't want Anderson showing up and seeing us like this." Her heart twisted, and he blushed as he let go of her hands. "No fraternization, and all that. Although, I suppose that the woman who defeated Saren can probably get away with just about anything at this point," he said with a wink and a grin.

She had to suppress a hearty laugh at that - everything had gotten so much more complicated after Saren, and she'd been under even more scrutiny than before. "If only you knew," she sighed, looking out the window. "I'm going to... um, I'll go find Doctor Chakwas, okay?" Kaidan nodded with relief, but brushed his fingers against hers before she could turn to go.

"Since Anderson isn't here yet, could I get a quick kiss before you go?" Shepard's eyes went wide with surprise as she stared down at him.

"Umm. I, uh - I'm sick. I really shouldn't." She let out an awful faked cough, but he didn't buy it.

"Posey, please. Remember, we promised to make the most of whatever little time we have."

It looked like there was no way to get out of this one. She nervously rubbed the back of her neck with one hand, and finally surrendered.

"Okay, Kaidan. I - Yeah. We promised." She leaned down slowly, her red hair falling over her shoulders as her face drew closer to his. For a moment, she hesitated, wondering if Dr. Belen was about to walk in here and see whatever this was happening. When she paused, though, Kaidan took the initiative to push himself up in his bed a little bit, and their lips met.

She had forgotten what it was like to kiss another human. It was nice, really - _too nice, what the hell was she thinking?_  - the way that his soft skin was the same temperature as hers, and there were no flaring mandibles to get tangled in her hair. For a moment, she remembered just how good Kaidan had been as a lover, if not as a boyfriend, discovering all of her little quirks and hidden places that even she hadn't known existed before. There was also the fact that she didn't have to worry about razor-sharp teeth when she -

"Oh my god, okay," Shepard gasped, standing back up and taking multiple steps backwards. "Holy crap, that just happened. Um, I'm going to go now and uh - well. See you later." Without a second glance, she moved as fast as her faulty hip would let her out of the room and back down the hall.


	7. You Deserve That Much

Shepard paused outside of Garrus's room, leaning against the wall to catch her breath. When she had fairly composed herself, she smoothed down her long hair and walked back to Garrus's bedside, smiling when his slowly head turned towards her. His hand reached out for hers and she took it, already hating herself for what had just happened. She needed to tell Dr. Belen as soon as possible - about the memory loss, obviously, not the impromptu almost-make-out-session. For once, Garrus didn't seem to sense her anxiety, smiling sleepily up at her.

"Shepard," he whispered. "You're here." She nodded and pressed her forehead gently to his.

"Yeah, I'm here, big guy. I'm always going to be right here." She felt more than heard the happy rumble he produced as his hand squeezed hers tighter. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?" Garrus shook his head.

"I've never felt better. A little sleepy though." As if to emphasize his point, he let out a huge yawn, sharp teeth flashing. Shepard chuckled a little bit.

"They've done some pretty great things with medigel and pain management while you were gone. I'm surprised you're even awake - usually that good stuff will knock you out cold for a week."

The plate of his forehead shifted up, mimicking the incredibly human expression of an eyebrow-raise. "Oh really, Shepard? And have _you_ had to be knocked out for a week with the 'good stuff'?" He was joking, trying to lighten the mood, but his subharmonics practically screamed concern.

"Garrus, I think we're well past the point where you have to call me by my last name. No more Shepard, no more Commander, okay? Between the two of us, at least. And no, they haven't had to give me that strong of a dosage of medigel. Not recently, anyway."

His mandibles dipped in what she recognized as a turian frown. "How bad was it? After... after everything?" Shepard sighed and placed her other hand around his.

"We don't have to talk about that right now, okay?" It figured that even now, as he was lying in a hospital bed with one functioning leg, he was worried about _her_. "That's a talk for later, when you're all fixed up." His eyes said that he wasn't satisfied with that answer, but he nodded anyways.

"Speaking of fixing up, has the doctor told you what exactly is going on?"

She flinched, knowing that this conversation was not about to go well. There was a long pause before she let go of the breath she'd been holding. "Yeah, yeah he did." Garrus suddenly grew tense, struggling to push himself up into a sitting position. Shepard shook her head, placed a hand gently on his chest to keep him down, and pressed a button on the side of the bed. He winced and let out an unintentional growl when his body shifted briefly into a position that put pressure on his ribcage. When he'd once again gotten comfortable, Garrus looked Shepard in the eyes.

"How bad is it?"

She sighed and put a hand to her forehead. "Pretty bad. But it would've been worse if Liara hadn't been there." Garrus grumbled impatiently.

"I know that, She - Posey, sorry. Come on, just tell me what they're going to do."

She once again took his hands in her own, standing up beside the bed. "Well, the doctor ran scans when you all got here. Kaidan's definitely got the most work ahead, he's... got a lot of problems."

"So was Liara right about his implant?" Shepard nodded and Garrus shook his head, his eyes telling her that this troubled him. "What are they going to do about that?" She shrugged and broke away from his gaze.

"Dr. Belen said they were going to take it out as soon as possible, but they won't be able to replace it. He's probably looking at honorable discharge and a cozy civilian retirement."

"Now that's a damn shame. I know he and I haven't always gotten along, but Spirits, what a soldier."

Shepard could do nothing but silently agree, squeezing Garrus's hand reassuringly. "He'll be okay, though. There are worse things than an early retirement. Liara's going to be fine, she just had some cuts and scratches. Oh, and Joker actually got some pretty good news," she said, chuckling a bit. "For all the crap he gave me about my cybernetic implants giving me an advantage, he's getting them now, too.  Full bone weave. It won't restore his bones to full strength, but it'll keep them from degrading any more as long as he takes his meds."

"Ha! Even Chakwas couldn't get him to take his meds consistently, like hell he's gonna let Belen order him around." Garrus let out a sharp bark of a laugh and then coughed painfully, holding a hand to his side. When his coughing subsided, he looked up at Shepard with a playful gleam in his eyes. "You've got to stop making me laugh when I'm seriously injured. I'd probably have much fewer scars on my face if you hadn't kept cracking jokes after Omega about me and female krogans." He gave a fake shudder, and Shepard laughed along.

"Hey now, if you didn't have those scars..." she began, a teasing lilt in her voice. He rolled his eyes.

"Oh please, Posey," he drawled in that voice he knew she loved so much, "like you could resist this, scars or not." His plated forehead moved up and down in a ridiculously human expression, and Shepard burst out laughing. She kept on laughing for a long time, until she couldn't quite breathe and tears were streaked down her face. He just stared at her, mandibles flared in a smile, until she had recovered. She looked at him, wiping the tears from her cheeks, and grinned. "You turians make human facial expressions look absolutely ridiculous, Garrus."

"Well you guys would look pretty terrifying making all of our expressions without mandibles," he retorted, spreading his own mandibles wide as an example. "It'd be like ripping your cheeks apart." Shepard cringed and pushed the thought out of her mind quickly. She tried to think of something to say in reply, another little piece of banter to keep this pleasant conversation going. But Garrus was still waiting on the news about his leg, and he cleared his throat to indicate as such. "So, really Posey. How bad is my leg?"

She couldn't help but look down the bed at where his legs lay still under the sheets. It took a long time for her to build up the strength to say it. Finally, she sighed in resignation, running a hand over his fringe.

"It's looking like an amputation is your best option. They have prosthetics, really good ones, but you probably won't ever regain full  mobility." His whole body jerked in surprise, and she yelped a bit when the hand that was still entwined with Garrus's felt the sharp bite of unfiled talons into soft flesh. He released her hand and looked up at her, eyes as wide and terrified as they had been on Omega after the missile. Shepard rubbed the palm of her hand against her jumpsuit, trying to ignore the pain. As he fumbled for words, her throat felt thick with emotion and she fought back tears. "Garrus, I'm sorry. I know this is hard, but you'll get through this. We'll get through this." A low keening note in his voice struck her to the core, and he turned his face away from her. She stroked his fringe again gently, then moved her hand down to his scarred mandible. He still didn't meet her eyes, but she bent forward and pressed a kiss to his scars anyway. Wordlessly, he slowly edged to the side of the bed and pulled up the corner of the blanket. Shepard understood the offer and gently slid into the bed and under the covers, curling up close. The heat of his plates was as comforting to her as the feel of her soft hair was to him. He sighed sadly and wrapped an arm around her, drawing her even closer to his side. When she looked up at his face he met her gaze, mandibles pulled tight with anxiety.  She kissed the underside of his jaw and then settled her cheek against his plated chest, comforted by the steady beat of his alien heart. As its rhythm slowed so did her breathing, and when Dr. Belen came in to check on them a few minutes later they were both sound asleep.

 

#

 

"Councilor Shepard," came a small voice from the doorway of Garrus's hospital room. "We're about to take Major Alenko into the OR, and he's requested to speak with you." Shepard looked down at Garrus and he nodded, giving her hand a light squeeze. The nurse led her down the hall and back into Kaidan's room, where he was sitting up in his bed. His eyes lit up when he saw her, and he smiled.

"Hey, Posey."

She smiled uneasily and stood at a distance away from the bed, not wanting to put herself any closer to him than she had to. "What did you need, Kaidan?" He shrugged and looked out the window, still smiling.

"Just wanted to see you before I go into surgery. You never know, something could happen and I... I wanted to get a chance to say goodbye. You know, just in case." He looked so much better than he had a week ago, when they'd first arrived. His skin had returned to a normal color, and he was starting to put on weight. Shepard was relieved to see him improving so quickly, but she knew that he still had a long way to go.

"You'll be fine, Kaidan," Shepard sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "These doctors know exactly what they're doing."

"I know, I know. But there's always a chance that they could screw up, right? And if they do, I just want you to know that I love you, and I'm so glad all of that Sovereign stuff is over. You deserve to get some peace now, and a happy life. I want that for you... for us." Shepard didn't respond for a long time. She stood there, staring out the window, and thought. How was she supposed to tell him about everything that had happened? How could she stand here and tell him that she hadn't loved him for almost a decade, and that the turian she _did_ love was just down the hall? How do you explain to someone the near-extinction and subsequent saving of the galaxy?

Whatever it was that she was supposed to say, she decided it could wait until after his surgery. That way if, God forbid, something happened to him, he'll at least have died not remembering how their love had died, how so many of their friends had died in the years that he didn't remember.

"You'll do great, Kaidan," she finally said quietly. "Everything is going to be just fine." She just barely caught his confused glance as she turned and walked out of the room. The nurse went back in when Shepard left and she heard the bed being wheeled down the hall to the OR.

 

#

 

Something was up with Posey. Garrus had noticed it a few days ago, but he hadn't commented on it. She was clearly stressed out with the whole situation, between his upcoming surgery and Kaidan and Joker's surgeries today, and he didn't want to pressure her any further. It didn't help that the rest of the Council expected her to be there every waking moment, handling mundane issues with volus ambassadors and complaints from C-Sec about lack of funding.

When she came back into his room after speaking with Kaidan, she was more visibly upset than she'd been all week. His mandibles dipped and he reached out for her, pulling her close when she crawled up into the bed beside him. He didn't speak for a while, breathing in the clean smell of her hair. Her head pressed up beneath  his chin, tickling his neck. Finally, he looked down and said, "What's the matter?" She looked up at him, lavender eyes feigning a peace that he could see through all too well.

"What do you mean?  I'm fine."

Garrus sighed and shifted upwards into more of a sitting position, and Shepard followed. "Posey, I know this has been hard on you, but you've been acting kind of strange lately. What's going on that's got you so upset?"

She knew he was looking at her, but she still wouldn't meet his eyes. Instead, she just curled up closer to him, taking care not to put pressure on his ribs. Garrus ran his fingers through her hair gently, still marveling at how soft it was. It'd gotten so much longer than when he'd last seen her - it had been just long enough to reach past her shoulders when they said their goodbyes on Earth, but now it hung down to her waist when she left it down. She had come by once or twice in her council uniform with her hair up in a tight bun (which she had admitted gave her terrible headaches on long days)  - and he had to admit, he _really_ liked that new uniform of hers. He was determined to find and personally thank whatever designer had come up with that. But when her hair was down, she was more comfortable and more herself. And when she was acting more herself, it was even easier for him to see right through her façade and get to the real problem.

Posey took a deep breath and shifted a little to get more comfortable before speaking. "I'm just worried about all of the surgeries, that's all." Garrus let out a low, concerned hum.

"Posey, I know that's not all there is. You know we'll all be fine, that we're in good hands. Now please, what's wrong?"

She finally looked up at him, lavender eyes anxious. "It's Kaidan," she sighed. "He's.... well, he's got amnesia." He blinked in surprise.

"Damn, that's no good. What exactly does he remember?"

"Um. Well, he... he remembers defeating Saren, and..."

"And?"

"And that's it. He doesn't even remember Alchera, or Horizon, or any of the last decade apparently. What did Liara do to him while you guys were gone? How did nobody notice this before?"

Garrus shook his head, still in shock. "Liara had him in a stasis pod almost all of the time we were there. That's part of why it took us so long to get back. We could've had the Normandy functioning at full power capacity years ago if we hadn't diverted so much of the ship's energy into maintaining Kaidan's comatose state." Shepard's eyes grew wide.

"You guys just left him sleeping for seven years? Are you fucking _insane_?" She was sitting up now, edging off the side of the bed. Garrus stuttered, trying to regain ground.

"Wait, Posey, that's the only thing she knew to do. She still woke him up sometimes to feed him, walk him around and give him some exercise, but Joker and I were never really around when she did that. And the few times we were, he just said hello like normal. We never knew anything was wrong... I'm sorry, Posey, we didn't know."

Her eyes flashed with anger as she marched to the doorway of his room. "You tell them not to take Joker into surgery until I get back, understand?" Garrus couldn't help but nod, but he asked,

"Where are you going?"

Her back was to him now as she stood in the door. "Liara and I need to have a little chat about mentioning details of medical treatment." A shiver ran through Garrus as she stormed away. It had been so long since he had seen her so angry, and it had always unsettled him. Since they had arrived back on the New Citadel, it had seemed that she had calmed down a bit, mellowed out. Now he was coming to understand that that was entirely wrong - she was still that same fiery Commander Shepard that he had always known, she just kept it hidden during her council dealings. That must have been how she got put on the council in the first place - no way they would have elected her the way she used to behave all the time.

As the last glimpse of her boot disappeared, Garrus sighed. This wasn't going to be pretty.


	8. Better Off Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard has a little chat with Liara.
> 
> This chapter is a little bit short, I know. Trying to get out a few quick chapters to move the story along, so we can get to Shakarian fluff! Yay!

Liara felt more than heard the violent pounding at the door of her hotel room. She switched off her meditation music and stood up slowly, stretching out her tired limbs. Her doctor had recommended a light exercise regimen to get back some of her muscle tone, and she had readily agreed that it was a good idea. However, she hadn't realized just how much strength she had lost in recent years, and even a brief yoga session could set her sweating and leave her sore for days. Her spine cracked a few times as she twisted side to side on her way to the door. The hotel didn't come equipped with visual recognition interfaces for the doors, so Liara couldn't see who was on the other side.

She called out hesitantly, remembering the angry knocking. "Who is it?"

There was a moment of silence, and then, "Liara, it's Shepard. Let me in. Now."

Liara flung the door open immediately with a smile, but was greeted by an exceptionally furious-looking Councilor Shepard, who stormed through the door and into the living area of the hotel room. The asari looked after her, startled, and closed the door gently. She didn't try to say anything, knowing that Shepard had already decided exactly what to say. Slowly, she turned, feeling a sheepish blush creep across her blue cheeks. Shepard was glaring right at her, eyes blazing.

"You were gone for seven years. _Seven years_ , that I was left here to pick up the pieces and try to move on with whatever life I had left. I thought that Garrus, and Joker, and you were dead for the last seven goddamn years, and you all could've been back _years_ ago. What the hell were you thinking, Liara?"

Liara looked down at the carpet, crossing her arms over her chest. "I did what I had to do, Shepard."

"No, you didn't. You let your emotions get the best of you, and you sacrificed the health of the crew for years just to keep someone barely alive."

"I wasn't just going to let Kaidan die!"

Shepard huffed impatiently and turned around, staring out the window that looked onto the Presidium Fields. "You just kept him in stasis, Liara, what kind of life was he really living? He was practically a vegetable for nearly a decade."

The comment angered Liara, and she could feel her skin beginning to crackle with biotic energy. A blue haze crept across her eyes, and she frantically clenched and unclenched her fist in an effort to control her emotions. "He wasn't just a vegetable. He was given food, water, nutrients, and a practical amount of physical exercise to maintain some remnant of his former muscle tone. It was a planned system to keep him alive. I wasn't going to lose him too, not after we'd lost so many."

"He looks like a skeleton anyway. He's weak, and tired all the time, and do you realize how hard it's been for the doctors to even try to bring him back to normal? They may never get him functioning at full capacity, and that's without even mentioning all the damage his implants have caused at this point."

"Shepard, I need you to understand where I was coming from when I made that decision. We lost sixteen crewmembers from the Normandy that day. Garrus and I had just finished burying Doctor Chakwas when Kaidan started to get a really bad migraine - it was a couple of days after that that he passed out the first time, and then he began passing out every few hours. So yes, I diverted some of the ship's power to put him in stasis. Because I wasn't going to bury him too, Shepard. I absolutely refused to lose another member of our crew, and I stand by that decision today." Liara realized that she was breathless now, and she took a moment to stabilize herself. "Do you honestly think I wanted to lock him up like that? It was the only way to keep him alive, and I figured that you of all people would at least be happy to see him. I was under the impression that when he was made a Spectre you two had forgiven each other for Horizon. Why would I leave behind one of your oldest friends?"

"If you cared for him half as much as you say you do, you'd have let him die a respectable death instead of wasting away in fucking stasis. Honestly, he probably would've been better off dead than dealing with all of the damage that you've caused. If you cared for _me_ , you'd have done that and come home years ago instead of leaving me here alone."

Liara gasped and took a step backwards. "You don't mean that."

"I meant every word of it," Shepard growled, turning back over her shoulder to face Liara.

"Well," Liara muttered, "I'm sorry you feel that way. But there are a few of us who still deeply care for him as a crewmember and as a friend, and I will not apologize for saving his life. No matter what you might think of my decision, Commander."

Shepard's eyes went wide, her cheeks darkening pink. "Don't you _ever_ call me Commander again. That part of my life is over. I'm done with the wars, I'm done with the fighting, and I'm done with all of those bad memories." The human's hands were shaking as she sighed sadly. "Liara, you may have brought back his body, but that is _not_ Spectre Kaidan Alenko in there. Not the one we knew in those last few months of the war. He doesn't remember anything that has happened since the Battle of the Citadel - he woke up and congratulated me on defeating Saren, for God's sake. Liara, he still thinks I'm in love with him - he thinks he's in love with me. And I just don’t know what to do with that.  That shell of Kaidan doesn't know that I was dead for two whole years. He doesn't realize how awful he acted on Horizon, he doesn't remember leaving me behind. How the hell am I supposed to explain something like that to him?"

Liara gasped as the gravity of what Shepard had just said sunk into her chest. "Oh, Goddess... I had no idea that things were that bad." Now that she thought back, it made sense why he had asked her about Shepard so hesitantly. He still thought there was bad blood between him and Liara after Shepard rejected her. She shook her head at her own stupidity. "I'm so sorry, I should've spoken with him more."

"Damn right you should have," Shepard snapped without a beat of hesitation. "You realize I have to tell Garrus about this? That Kaidan is apparently in love with me again, with no recollection of the past decade?"

"I'm sure Garrus will not be pleased to hear of this. But Shepard," Liara said, voice pleading forgiveness, "I did what I thought was right. I do not regret for one moment the fact that Kaidan is alive because of my decision. And while I would've given anything to be back here sooner, we did what we could. We're here now. There is no point dwelling on what might have been, because we cannot change anything that has happened. What we can do is move on with our lives, and celebrate what we still have."

There was a long, heavy silence in the room as Shepard met her gaze. The blush was slowly receding from the human's cheeks, much to  Liara's relief. She brushed her long, red hair away from her face and into a ponytail while she pondered her reply. Finally, she sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. I have no idea what you all went through out there. And honestly... by now I had thought that none of you would ever come back, so the fact that the four of you made it out alive is... well, it's incredible."

Liara felt her own features soften at the sincerity in her old commander's voice. "If we're being honest here, Shepard, we all thought you were dead, too. Garrus was keening from the moment we left Earth. He hardly spoke for months, not to mention having to practically force-feed him.  But, like I said," she continued, "we're all here now, and you're here too. And a Councilor no less."

Shepard's face twisted into a wry smile. "Yeah, that's a long story. But I'm glad you all made it. And I'm glad you're okay."

"The others will be okay, too," Liara replied reassuringly. "With some time. Everything is going to turn out just fine." Hesitantly, she stretched out her arms in an offer of a hug. Shepard stepped gratefully into the embrace and squeezed tight. Liara felt the tension melt from her friend's shoulders, and she couldn't help but smile in relief. As they pulled apart, she noticed those all-too-familiar dark circles under Shepard's eyes. She put a hand to the woman's shoulder and met her eyes with a gentle smile. "My dear friend, I know Garrus has probably already told you this, but you really should get some sleep. He's going to need you at your best while he's recovering."

That elicited a chuckle from Shepard. "Yeah, I haven't been 'at my best' in quite a while, Liara. Pretty sure my old armor wouldn't even fit me now. Once I stopped chasing down Reapers and beating up geth, my exercise regime sort of fell by the wayside and now..." She gestured with a broad sweep at her jumpsuit, more filled out than Liara remembered and definitely less muscular.

Still, Shepard was and always had been a beautiful woman - she remembered, briefly, her conflict with Kaidan over the interests of the commander so many years ago. It wasn't funny then, but now the memory made Liara smile fondly. She looked up and down at Shepard and shook her head at her insecurity. "Retirement suits you very well, Shepard. You look great."

"Thank you," Shepard replied with a weary smile. "And I'll try to get some rest, even if it's in Garrus's hospital room." Her omnitool pinged indignantly and Shepard opened it quickly. "Oh, they're about to take Joker into surgery. I've got to go, Liara, but I'm glad we got the chance to talk. I'm sorry for blowing up at you."

"Don't mention it. You had every right to be worried." As Shepard walked out the door, Liara grabbed her wrist to stop her. Before Shepard could ask what she needed, Liara grinned. "I was just thinking, maybe you'd like to see the Normandy tomorrow? She's not in as bad a shape as you'd think. Some of your things are still in your cabin, as well." The councilor nodded serenely before turning and walking (with a slight limp, Liara noticed with a frown) back to her waiting skycar.


	9. We're Really Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get fluffy AND spicy!  
> Admiral Hackett pays a visit to Garrus and Shepard, and Posey decides it's finally time to tell Garrus about Kaidan's... issues.

They were pushing a cart of surgical tools into Joker's hospital room when Shepard ran in, breathless. "I swear to God, if you cut him open before I get to talk to him, you will all be fired within the hour," she hissed, clutching a hand to a sharp pain in her side. _Maybe I shouldn't be doing that anymore,_ she thought to herself, as Joker pushed himself upright in his bed.

"Hey, Commander!" he said cheerily. He looked a thousand times better than when he'd wheeled into the Council Chamber a week and a half ago, and Shepard couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Hey there, Joker. How you feeling today?"

"Feeling great! It helps knowing that I'm about to be half-cyborg, basically."

"Now you know how I feel," Shepard chuckled. "I don't want to hear any more crap from you about my cybernetics from here on out. And no more 'Commander', either, if you're feeling especially formal you can call me Councilor or something. But otherwise, just Shepard."

Joker groaned and rolled his eyes. "Aw come on, _Shepard_. I might be getting a bone weave, but everything except your brain has cybernetics. You've got way more cyborg stuff in you than I do!"

"And yet," Shepard laughed, "every little quip I get from you, from here on out, about cyborgs can and will be directly applied back to you." Joker chuckled good-naturedly and held up his arms in defeat.

"All right, whatever. Now, did you come down here to mock me or what?" Shepard rolled her eyes and walked towards him, taking one of his fragile hands in both of hers.

"All jokes aside, Jeff, good luck in there. Not that you'll really be doing anything, but... Well, you know what I mean. You're going to love being partially synthetic. Kind of makes you feel like a badass, honestly" She winked at him and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his freshly-shaved cheek. When she leaned back, Joker was smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. Shepard frowned. "What's wrong, Joker?" He looked away from her and shook his head.

"It's nothing, Shepard. Just... just nervous, I guess."

"Joker, you were fine a second ago. Really, are you okay?"

Her old pilot turned back to her and smiled, wider this time. "I'll be okay, Shepard. I promise." She wasn't nearly convinced, but the doctors around them were waiting somewhat impatiently for them to finish their conversation, one of them hoisting an IV needle in the air. Shepard nodded at them and looked back down at Joker.

"I'll come by when you wake up, okay? Behave yourself."

Joker chuckled halfheartedly as Shepard backed slowly out of the room. "Yeah, because I _always_ behave, Commander."

 

#

 

When Garrus woke up from his nap, Posey was once again curled up beside him. He had to stifle a chuckle at the odd snorting sound she made every time she took in a breath - she'd never done that before, but it was so incredibly endearing. As he looked at her sleeping peacefully, he wondered what else about her had changed since they'd been separated. She'd put on a little weight, but that didn't bother Garrus a bit. If anything, now there was just a bit more of her to hold, a little extra curve in her hips and her waist. All things that he thought enhanced her already incredible beauty,  truth be told. 

Posey stirred, mumbling something, and Garrus pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She muttered something else that he couldn't understand and then looked up at him with a sleepy smile.

"Mmmm, 'lo  there Garrus." He smirked and brushed a stray hair out of her face.

"Hello yourself. You get a good nap in?" She nodded and yawned, as if to prove her point. "How did your talk with Liara go?"

Her body didn't tense up like he expected it to - in fact, she looked much more at peace than she had for quite a few days. "We cleared up a lot of things," she replied. "I don't like what she did to Kaidan, but he's alive and he's going to be okay, so I can hardly criticize her decision. She got the four of you home, so I can't really disapprove of her for anything at this point."

_Hm, maybe she has mellowed out._ He kept the thought to himself as he ran his talons through the pile of her hair on his shoulder. "She did the best that she could. And you're right, we're all home. I'm home, and you're here too, and we're going to be okay. Spirits," he murmured as he felt his subvocals beginning to go wild. "Spirits, Posey, I still can't believe you're really here."

"I'm really here, Garrus, and so are you. We're home. I'm so glad we made it," she whispered, her voice catching in her throat. Something in his heart tightened, and he couldn't even try to control the flanging of his subharmonics now as he whispered to her.

"I love you, Posey Shepard. I will always love you." She sat up and moved to straddle his waist, lavender eyes sparkling with tears and with pure unadulterated joy. The warmth of her forehead against his was the sweetest thing he'd ever felt, he was sure of it.

"I love you too, Garrus Vakarian. No matter what, I will always love you." Something about the way she said it brought him back to the moment they had said goodbye on Earth, when he thought it was truly the end. Those had been the most terrifying moments of his life, leaving her behind. And he had thought, for years now, that she was gone, but she was _here_. Right in front of him, close enough to touch and to see and to smell and to feel.

"I'm never letting you go, Posey."

A flutter of warmth ran through him as she leaned forward again and pressed her lips to his in lieu of a response. He bent his head up towards her gently for another kiss, as his arm wound around her waist, pulling her as close as possible without hurting his ribs. She leaned back for a moment and punched in a few buttons on her omnitool - Garrus couldn't help but grin when he heard the locks on his door clang into gear. Her hair fell all around their faces as they kissed over and over, hardly pausing for a breath. When Posey's fingers found that incredibly sensitive spot below his fringe, he let out a loud and satisfied purr. She smiled against his mandible, pressing soft kisses to his scars both old and new.

This much Garrus knew, more than anything else he had ever known - Posey was going to be his life partner. They'd been through Hell and back and then some, and somehow, against all odds, he had made it back and found her alive. They were alive, and they were together. And they were going to be more than okay.

Posey's hands started trailing down towards his waist, and Garrus shivered in anticipation. Just as her fingers brushed against the sensitive area, an obnoxious gear-grinding sound came from the door. Posey sat bolt upright and turned to look at the door, cheeks going adorably pink. "W-who is it?" she called out, as she gingerly climbed down from the bed and into the chair next to it, smoothing her hair back into some semblance of order. Garrus chuckled and hastily straightened the bed sheets as someone called out from the other side of the door.

"Just came for a visit, Shepard. Should I come back later?"

Posey's mouth went wide with horror. She looked over at Garrus and mouthed _Hackett_ , as though he couldn't recognize the old Admiral's voice after all these years. "Come on in, Admiral," Garrus called out as Shepard punched a myriad of buttons on her omnitool. The lock glowed green, and Hackett walked into the room.

"Mr. Vakarian, good to see you. You're looking well."

"Oh come on, sir, you don't have to lie to me," Garrus replied. "I know I'm pretty beat up." That earned a wide smile from Hackett, who shook his head.

"In any case, Garrus, we're all glad you're home." Hackett's blue eyes were warm against his leathered face, more wrinkled but less drawn and tired than Garrus had last seen it.

"It's good to be home, sir." Garrus reached out and grabbed Posey's hand, squeezing it gently. She smiled back at him and stood up, turning to Hackett. He nodded at her and saluted, still smiling.

"Councilor Shepard. It's good to see you back with your crew."

A note of sadness flickered across Shepard's eyes, and she looked down as Hackett lowered his arm. "Some of my crew, sir, but I wish they were all here. I'm glad these four made it back to us, though. It's more than I dared hope for at this point." Her delicate thumb traced circles on the back on Garrus's hand, and Garrus's heart clenched a little as he remembered digging all those graves, _so_ many graves on that strange, wild planet they had landed on.

Hackett's smile was gone as he nodded again, sighing deeply. "We lost a lot of good people in that war. If you'd like, we can hold a memorial for those specific crewmembers who... didn't come back, at the site of the old Normandy memorial." His tone was cautious, not wanting to press Shepard too hard.  She didn't respond, biting her lip and staring down at her shoes as she thought. Garrus looked up at her, squeezing her hand again gently.

"It might be good, Posey," he whispered, gently pulling her hand so she was closer to his bedside. "For all of us. We all need some closure, I think." There were no tears in her eyes as she looked down at him, thought for a long moment, and then nodded, turning to Hackett.

"You're right. We all need this. Message me later, Admiral, and we'll get the details worked out."

"Yes ma'am," Hackett replied sternly, though he seemed to relax a little. "Mr. Vakarian, we've made arrangements for a temporary residence for you, until we can get your credit account functional again. I'll have the location forwarded to your omnitool, and we can arrange for transportation after your surgery."

"That won't be necessary, sir," Shepard interrupted. "He'll be staying with me." Hackett looked a little surprised, but shrugged and nodded.

"All right, Councilor. I assume you'll arrange for transportation as well?" She nodded and Garrus smirked up at her.

"Moving me in already, huh Posey? You don't think we're... moving too fast?" Posey rolled her eyes and moved a hand as though to playfully smack him, but (thankfully) she remembered his injuries and  stopped just short of his shoulder.

"Technically, Garrus, we've been dating for what, nine years now? I think that we're probably married according to some Old Earth laws by now." 

"Well now, I can't say I mind that. Councilor Vakarian has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Hackett cleared his throat and the two lovers looked sheepishly back at him. "Sorry, Admiral," Shepard coughed, blushing once again. The old man looked only slightly uncomfortable as he held up a hand.

"No worries, Councilor. I think that's all I needed to say, so I'll go ahead and leave you two alone." Garrus wasn't absolutely sure, but he thought he saw the Admiral wink at them before he turned and walked out the door. Shepard looked down at him, her eyebrow raised in that strange human expression of piqued interest.

"Councilor Vakarian, huh?" she muttered, still smiling. "I dare say, I like the sound of that."

"Doesn't sound half bad, now does it?" Garrus replied, nestling back against his pillow. Posey pulled back his blankets and climbed up into the bed, nestling her head against his chest plate. There was a long moment of tender, appreciated silence between them, and Garrus closed his eyes in the quiet.

"Hey, Garrus?" Posey's voice made him open his eyes again.

"Yeah?"

"I... Umm, there's something I need to tell you." Her voice sounded nervous and small - two things that he never wanted to hear in Shepard's voice. Even if he tried to look down at her, he wouldn't have been able to see her face, so he just kept staring at the ceiling.

"I'm listening, Posey. Go ahead."

Her small body heaved a heavy sigh. "You know how I told you that Kaidan... well -"

"About his amnesia, right. What about it?"

"Well, when we were hunting down Saren... Did you..? Did you ever hear any, umm, rumors about me and Kaidan, you know - "

"Okay, come on Posey. Everyone knew you two were together. You weren't exactly inconspicuous, you know." Even though he'd lost his visor a long time ago, he could tell that her heart was speeding up and that she was probably blushing completely pink. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Right," she muttered into his chest. "So I told you that Kaidan remembers us defeating Saren, and that's it?" Garrus nodded, starting to get a little impatient. "Well, back then, we never really... I don’t know, 'broke up' I guess, before I.... You know, before I died. So, Kaidan, he doesn't remember that I died, or that... I mean, he still thinks..."

Shock wove its way through his veins as realization wrapped its cold, icy claws around his heart.

"Spirits. He's still in love with you, isn't he." It was more of a statement than a question. It was all Garrus could think to say - his brain was more preoccupied with keeping control of his fists as they curled, suddenly craving the feel of sharpened talons against soft flesh.

"Garrus, I want you to know that I've done everything I can to push him away, but I just haven't been able to tell him about... Well, about everything that's happened, and I - "

"You don't have to worry about telling him a damn thing, Posey," he growled in reply. "I am perfectly equipped to take care of this myself." His shoulder screamed in protest as he slid out of the hospital bed opposite Posey, who was sitting up now and looking horrified.

"Garrus, please don't. He doesn't know, you can't just spring stuff like that on him!"

"Posey, he's got to find out sometime. Might as well be right fucking now." He stripped the irritating needles out of his left arm, wincing at the pain. When he'd freed himself of the medical confines, he held on to the rail of the bed for a moment to catch his breath. His head was spinning but he couldn't say for sure whether it was from standing up too fast or from the righteous fury that was coursing through him. It wasn't going to stop him either way.

As he limped out of the room, willing his muscles to remember how to walk and to run, Posey leapt from the bed and jogged to catch up to him. She walked backwards in front of him, her hands up and pleading.

"Garrus, I know you're upset but violence is really not the way to solve this. Come on, let's just go back to your room and we can talk about what to do, please - "

"NO!" Garrus was just as surprised as she was at the hideous growl of his voice. Both of them stopped walking, and Posey put her hands over her mouth and her heart, eyes wide and terrified. His tongue was no longer his own as words spilled out, unbidden. "Get out of my way, Posey. Now."

She shook her head, steeled her nerves, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I am not going anywhere, Garrus Vakarian, until you march your ass right back to that hospital bed and calm down."

"Spirits, Posey," he cursed, looking over her head to glare at the startled nurses in the hallway. "Get out of my fucking way. I'm serious."

"I'm serious too!" she spat, taking a step closer to him in defiance. _Damn it all, she's  just as stubborn after all these years. And it is_ not _working in my favor right now._

"I'm going to go talk to Kaidan, whether you like it or not." A spur of adrenaline kicked in then, overriding the pain in his shattered knee and screwed-up ribs. He didn't even hear Posey's reply before he forcefully knocked her out of the way, barreling down the hallway as fast as he could. Thank the Spirits, there was a sign right outside Kaidan's hospital room door. He slammed his fist down on the button and it swished open calmly, revealing a weak and vulnerable Kaidan sleeping away. Garrus hobbled across the room to the side of the bed and slammed his talons down on either side of Kaidan's head, snarling. The biotic's eyes shot open, petrified, and a shiver of satisfaction ran down Garrus's spine.

For the sickly human looking up at him, this was going to _hurt_.


	10. So, Um... I Was Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shepard tries to summarize the events of the last 8 years to a shocked Kaidan Alenko.

_What the hell just happened?_

Shepard was sitting against a wall, a deep throbbing in her left shoulder and hip. There was a flurry of anxious nurses around her, all whispering to themselves as a turian C-sec officer dashed down the hallway with a determined (but rather concerned) look in his eye. Shepard looked around, still somewhat dazed, and tried to get one of the nurses' attention.

"Excuse me," she said quietly, but no one turned to look down at her. She cleared her throat and tried again, louder this time. "Excuse me!" Still, no one paid her any mind. Her shoulder and bad hip were pretty sore, but she slowly pushed herself up anyways until she was standing, leaning on the wall for support.

" _Excuse me!_ " This time, the cerulean-skinned asari nurse that was standing right in front of her nearly jumped out of her pants before turning to see Shepard behind her.

"Oh, oh Goddess, Councilor Shepard!" She held up both hands to Shepard's shoulder, before calling out to one of her coworkers for a stitch kit. _Huh, what do you know,_ Shepard thought as she looked down at the crimson seeping between the asari's fingers. _I'm bleeding. Profusely._ "I'm so sorry," the asari gushed. "My name is Jenyx Dasan and I'm a nurse, can I get you anything?"

"First, you can tell me what the hell just happened. Then, you can get me some of the pain meds - the good ones." The asari glanced nervously back and forth between Shepard and the hospital room about ten feet away. They couldn't hear what was being said inside,  but there was a lot of tension in the murmurs that they were getting. As another nurse, a salarian this time, rolled a cart up next to Jenyx, Shepard felt suddenly cold as someone unzipped her jumpsuit halfway and peeled her arms out of the sleeves. Jenyx lowered her carefully to the floor, and Shepard was glad that there was so much commotion around to distract from the fact that she, a Councilor, was sitting half-naked on the floor of a very public hospital with three huge scratches down her shoulder, and she _still_ had no idea what was going on.

There was a brief sting on her shoulder, and Shepard hissed in surprise. Jenyx muttered apologetically but remained focused, pulling the needle through the skin over and over. Shepard cringed and clenched the fist of her right hand, breathing in and out slowly to distract herself from the pain. It took a long time to close up the three long gashes, but finally it was over. Jenyx helped her stand back up, slowly, and then she tried to explain what happened.

"Councilor, ma'am, we're not sure exactly why but that angry turian you were walking down the hall with? Mr. Vakarian, I think? He, well, got very agitated all of a sudden and he sort of pushed you out of the way. His talons scraped your shoulder."

Shepard tried to remember why Garrus would have... _Oh._

"Shit," she muttered as she pushed Jenyx's arms away and limped painfully to Kaidan's room. To her great relief, there was no blood spattered across the wall or anything, and Kaidan was still in his hospital bed. The C-sec officer that had passed her a moment ago in the hallway had backed Garrus into a corner and was speaking to him very, very calmly. Garrus looked more terrified than angry, his face half-covered by his hand. He noticed her when she came in, and immediately he began to shake his head. The C-Sec officer moved  aside just slightly, still far enough in front of Garrus to keep him at bay should he get agitated again.

"Shepard, Posey  I.... I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what happened, I just blanked out for a sec and -"His eyes broke away from  hers to glance at her bandaged shoulder. "Oh Spirits, no... No, I didn't... Did I?" She didn't have to answer; from the sadness in his eyes, he already knew that the gashes on her shoulder were from his talons, long unfiled.

"Garrus, you don't... Christ, are you okay?"

He looked down at the ground in shame. "Honestly, I... I have no idea."

"You don't remember any of what just happened?"

"I remember you said that Kaidan still... had feelings for you or whatever, and then I was standing over Kaidan and..."

"And then, Councilor, I pulled him away from the other patient's bed and restrained him," said the C-Sec officer over his shoulder. Shepard nodded gratefully at him.

"Thank you, Officer...?"

"Prosis, ma'am. Aetrinus Prosis."

"Officer Prosis, thank you again. I think I have the situation under control for now. If you could give us a few moments?" The young, muscular turian nodded calmly and backed away from Garrus, his tawny eyes steady on Shepard's own.

"I'll be right outside the door, Councilor. Let me know if you need me, okay?" Shepard nodded at him again and Prosis left the room, sliding the door shut behind him. She took in a deep breath and turned her gaze from the door back to Kaidan, sitting upright in his bed and still looking half-terrified. Walking towards him slowly, she held out a hand.

"Kaidan? Are you okay?" He didn't speak, only nodded in answer. "He didn't... hurt you, did he?" Shepard heard Garrus's sharp intake of breath from the corner and she couldn't help but wince. Of course he didn't want to hear this, but he had to face what he had just done (whether he understood what he was doing at the time or not).  Kaidan shook his head slowly, still mute. She took another few steps towards him, until she was right beside him. The fear in his eyes made her stomach turn, and she had to look away from his face. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. This is my fault."

"W-what... What do you mean, Shepard?"

"This... Damn it, this is all my fault. Everything." Suddenly it was hard to breathe. Shepard could feel her lungs growing smaller and smaller, her breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps. The weight of the galaxy, which she had born so well for the longest time, was now crushing her. A sob escaped her throat and hot tears pricked at her eyes, as every bad decision she'd made regarding her crew came hurtling back to the forefront of her mind. As she slumped into the chair beside Kaidan's bed, she let the tears flow, knowing that there was no way to stop this sudden flood of emotion. It had been building up for far too long - she had only voiced her guilt to one other person in this galaxy, and that was Tali. No one else knew how hard she had fought to push the guilt away all these years.

It was her fault that the galaxy wasn't ready for the Reapers when they came. She should've worked harder, found more evidence, never let up until they believed every word she said. If she hadn't been so nervous about Spectre candidacy on the hunt for Saren, with the pressure of humanity's reputation resting solely on her, maybe she could have spared more time to go to those uninhabited worlds and dig up the artifacts that Liara periodically sent her the coordinates for. Maybe, just maybe, if she had been able to kill Saren on Virmire instead of him getting away and nearly destroying the Citadel, Sovereign would have been disabled or something and they could've taken it down then and there. If they'd managed to get a good study on Sovereign's technology that long ago, surely everyone would have realized what was coming. And then, they would have been prepared. Then, there wouldn't be billions of unmarked mass graves all over the galaxy.

It really was _her_ fault, also, that the crew of the _Normandy_ had been missing so long. Not Liara's, not the Council's, not even the fucking Reapers. She herself, Commander Posey Shepard, had forced her crew off-planet -  too late. She should have sent them earlier. Maybe she shouldn't have sent them at all - after all, if her body had been recovered and salvaged from the Citadel wreckage, surely theirs could have been too. And if she hadn't done all that, then they wouldn't be here in this situation now - Kaidan having forgotten half a decade of his life, Garrus facing amputation within the next day or so, and Joker getting surgery on literally every bone in his body to make sure he didn't just collapse in a pile of shattered bones one day.

"it's all my fault," she whispered again, her face in her hands. Kaidan and Garrus were both staring at her, beyond concerned and beyond baffled.

"Posey," Kaidan said softly, reaching out for her hand. She stood up suddenly, shaking her head, and crossed to the other side of the room, at the corner opposite from Garrus. As she sank down to sit on the floor, back against the wall, Kaidan pleaded with her again. "Posey please, tell me what you think is your fault."

Garrus's eyes held the same question, but he said nothing. Shepard raised an eyebrow, a silent question of whether or not she should really explain everything to Kaidan. The turian - her turian - nodded. She sighed.

"All right, Kaidan. Before I say all of this, I just want you to know..." Posey cleared her throat hesitantly, and Garrus looked away at the door. "You should know that what we had was real, okay? I felt every bit of it as much as you did... And that makes all of what I'm about to tell you especially difficult. So be patient with me, and let me tell the whole story before you start asking questions, okay?" Kaidan nodded, his brows furrowing anxiously. 

"Okay. So, you're aware that we defeated Saren, and you remember that I elected Admiral Anderson to the Council as a human representative. Well, a lot has happened since then. It's been almost ten years since we got rid of Saren." The former biotic's tired eyes narrowed, and Shepard could practically hear his brain grinding at full capacity to handle this new information. "I know you don't remember anything from those ten years right now, but it'll come back to you.  After the Council was sent back to the Citadel and all the cleanup started, Admiral Hackett sent us out on a routine patrol mission in the Omega Nebula to look for geth. But while we were scanning Alchera for any signals, a massive ship belonging to the Collectors showed up and attacked the _Normandy_. Before you say anything, yes they were actually Collectors. But we eventually figured out that they were being controlled by the Reapers, and that the Collectors were actually Protheans that had been harvested before, and... Okay, sorry, that's all things we can discuss later. Anyways, when we were attacked you got most of the crew out of the _Normandy_ , and I stayed behind to help Joker. I ordered you to leave. I got Joker into an escape pod, but then...." How was she supposed to sit here and tell him that she had already died once? Almost twice? His expression hadn't changed, still that same wrinkled forehead and sad, confused eyes.

She took another deep breath in through her nose, out through her mouth, like her therapist had taught her. "I got spaced, Kaidan. My oxygen line busted, and I fell down with the ship through Alchera's atmosphere."

An unpleasant silence seeped into the room, sending goosebumps up Shepard's arms. Kaidan looked incredulously at her, eyes wide. "You survived a fall through an atmosphere? Damn, that's -"

"Not exactly what she meant, Kaidan," Garrus murmured, just barely loud enough to be heard. The confusion returned to the young man's face.

"What did you mean then, Shepard?"

 _Well, here goes nothing._ "I died."

He didn't gasp dramatically or look horrified, like Shepard had expected. Instead, he fought to contain a chuckle. "Okay, Posey, you had me up until there." Shepard shook her head solemnly, and the wide grin slid off of Kaidan's face as fast as it had come.

"I'm serious, Kaidan. My body, what was left of it at least, was found in the _Normandy_ wreckage, and they rebuilt it with a lot of cybernetics and a lot of recovery time. I was dead for most of the two years that I was reported missing."

"They? Who is 'they'?"

"Don't be mad, Kaidan, okay? I know you don't remember it, but we've had this fight before and we both lost. Cerberus is the group that found me, that reconstructed me." As predicted, a hot flash of anger and fury ran through Kaidan, tensing his body from head to foot. The lack of biotic charge around him was more than noticeable to Shepard, but Kaidan didn't seem to pay any mind just then.

"You can't be serious Shepard, you know what they -"

"Yes, Kaidan, I know. Like I said, we've had this fight before. We ran into each other on a mission when I came back, and you weren't happy with me for disappearing. To be quite frank, you were furious with me. You said a lot of things that really hurt me, and I know that I hurt you too. But that's... that's where we sort of ended. If that makes sense."

"So wait, you mean.... We haven't been... For eight years? Really?"

Shepard nodded sadly, looking down at her hands. There were still the faintest scars on the backs of her hands, where the cybernetics had never been able to return to their full functioning power to clear her skin of all imperfections. "Yeah. We... yeah. Since Horizon. And you, understandably, didn't want to get involved with Cerberus so you didn't join the mission to destroy the Collector base. We went through the Omega-4 Relay, blew up the Collectors, and made it back through. Then the Reapers hit Earth, and then they hit everywhere else.... And then, I guess, we defeated them. But destroying the Reapers also destroyed the geth and EDI, the _Normandy SR-2_ 's AI. And before you comment on EDI, she came to be a vital part of our crew, and... Well, we miss her. A lot. Don't mention it around Joker."

Kaidan's eyes were wide, his mouth hanging open slightly as he tried to process everything. Shepard reached out to take one of his hands in her own, but he pulled away. She took a step back.

"I want to help you through this. If you have any questions, I'm here Kaidan. "

He looked up at her, blazing blue eyes locking with her own. "Could you... I'm sorry, Shepard, but could I have some time to think about all this? This changes..." He took a deep, almost shuddering breath and stared down at his feet on the bed. "Actually, it changes everything." Posey nodded solemnly, giving Kaidan a weak smile.

"I'll be here, whenever you're ready."

"We're all here for you, Kaidan," came a quiet dual-toned voice from the corner. Garrus was still hunched up, looking small and almost fragile in his thin hospital gown, his arms wrapped around himself. "Whatever you need." Kaidan didn't look at Garrus, but he nodded. Shepard took that as their cue to go, and she walked over to Garrus, gently took hold of his elbow, and supported him as they limped out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that this chapter would explain more about what is going on with Garrus, however I felt that it needed to wait, as this conversation with Kaidan was top priority. All will be explained soon, never fear.


	11. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not for the faint of heart. A slightly graphic, detailed explanation of the lost Normandy crew's deaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry that it's been so long since I updated! I hadn't even realized how much time had passed since I put up the last chapter. Things have gotten a little crazy for me the last week, and I have four exams next week as well. I will try to keep up with this as well as I can until things calm down!

Liara dreamed of the others a lot. Well, more like she had nightmares about them. It was almost always the same thing - the crash repeating over and over in her mind. Her muscles straining with the weight of the  barrier she tried to throw around the ship. Actually hearing from twenty yards away Joker's bones snapping in his legs, his screams of pain even as he held onto the _Normandy_ 's controls as best he could. The dead silence of the moments after they landed, the smoke burning her throat as she let down the barrier. Burning flesh. Debris scattered everywhere across the CIC where she'd been standing.

She'd been the one to find Chakwas, lying face-down in the remnants of the medbay. There were no cuts that Liara could see, but her head was bent backwards at an obviously wrong angle that nearly made Liara sick. On observing the scene and where Chakwas's body had landed, Liara had reasoned that Chakwas must have been thrown into one of the beds on impact. The only comfort here was that she would have felt no pain, only immediate peace. She at least deserved some peace, after all she'd done for them.

Stepping out of the medbay, she felt a spark of energy run through her, like someone tapping gently at her consciousness. She turned and looked around for the source, and as she walked towards the elevator shaft it grew stronger, more insistent. As she knelt on the floor, the spark was stronger than ever. She scrambled to the emergency shaft in the medbay, averting her eyes from Chakwas's body as much as possible, and scurried down the ladder to the engineering deck. She had to summon up what was left of her biotic strength to pull the doors open, gasping at the sheer effort of it. The insistent little spark nudged her a few more times, before fizzling out like a dying battery. She looked around frantically for any sign of life, having to step over Daniels' and Donnelly's bodies joined together by their outstretched hands. Finally, she heard a soft whisper. Her head whipped around toward the eezo core of the ship, and her heart sighed with relief.

"Kaidan, oh Goddess you're alive," she breathed, running over to him. He was sitting up against the railing in front of the core, his eyes glazed over and unseeing. But he was alive. Liara grabbed for his wrist gently and checked his pulse, alarmed at how fast his heart was beating.

"Can you hear me, Kaidan? Are you all right?" No response. She had to get him out of here, though, that much she knew. Grasping him under his arms, she hauled Kaidan to his feet and helped him to lean against the wall before gently pressing at various body parts with her fingers. Nothing broken, as far as she could tell, but there were still a great number of problems that could be occurring this very moment. He didn't say a word as she wrapped one of his arms around her shoulder and picked up his legs, marveling at how much lighter he was than he appeared. He grumbled a little bit when she hit his shoulder on the door frame, and she quickly apologized. It was incredibly difficult hauling him up the emergency ladder, but she finally did it. She tried to walk in such a way that he wouldn't be able to see the medbay floor, but he didn't appear to be looking at anything but the ceiling anyways. A relief, if a small one.

When they finally reached the CIC again, Liara laid Kaidan down gently on the floor and checked his vitals once more, determining that he would be okay on his own at least for a little while. That's when she heard small cries of pain coming from the cockpit that spurred her into motion once again. Joker.

He was still seated in his pilot's chair, a safety harness the only thing that had kept him from flying out the now-gaping window of the cockpit. His head lifted slightly when he heard her approach, and he let out a whisper. "W-who... who's there?"

"It's me, Joker," she murmured, kneeling down beside his chair. "Tell me where it is the worst."

He grunted, half-laughed, and snarked back, "How about everywhere, Liara. But really, I think all of my ribs are at least fractured. I know my legs are bad."

"We'll get you taken care of, don't worry. Would you like for me to try and lift you up?"

"Umm... yeah," he sighed. "Yeah, you can try." Liara nodded solemnly and reached down to unbuckle the safety harness. Joker sucked in a sharp breath when the back of her hand brushed across his ribcage, but when she opened her mouth to say something he shook his head. "Don't forget this has happened before, Liara," he choked out through gritted teeth.  "I was a real fragile kid. I can handle it."

"I will find some medigel as soon as possible, Joker." As tenderly as she could, she picked him up in the same way she had Kaidan, easing out of the cockpit entrance and back to the CIC.

"You know, this is never quite what I imagined when I dreamed about an asari holding me in her arms," Joker quipped, and Liara couldn't help but laugh.

"I am sorry if I disappoint you, Joker," she chuckled in response. "Once we get you patched up, if you still need some... oh, what did Garrus say you humans call it? Coodles?"

"Cuddles!" Joker snickered. "Remind me to ask Shepard if - " He stopped, and they both looked away from each other. The humor was gone from the air once again. Kaidan was still lying down on the floor in the CIC, but he turned his head towards them and Liara let out a sigh of relief. At least he could move. She twisted one of the chairs at the workstations near Kaidan around with her foot and nestled Joker down into it, trying to keep him in as much of a consistent position as possible. "I'll be right back," she promised, walking once more towards the emergency shaft. Just as she was leaving the room, though, she heard a voice say something quietly. She turned back around.

"What was that you said, Joker?"

His eyes were sad, anxious, searching for something within her face. "Where's EDI? She wasn't in the cockpit when I woke up." Liara paused, trying to come up with an acceptable answer. She had no idea where EDI was.

"I will look for her while I am out." He made no reply but his eyes whispered gratitude as she turned and set off once more. She had no idea where to start looking for other survivors - as she ran through a mental checklist of the bo - _crewmembers_ she'd already found, she realized that she hadn't yet made it down to the shuttle bay. Vega and Cortez. The current state of the ship did not bode well for them, but Liara knew she had to go down there at least to confirm it. As she shimmied down the ladder at the far end of the room, her stomach turned. The jostling of the Normandy had knocked the shuttle off of its bearings, tossing it on the ground. Liara could see a mat of dark hair and an arm sprawling out from beneath the shuttle, the sleeve rolled up to the elbow.

"Oh goddess, no," Liara whispered to herself, even as she stepped closer to the wreckage. It was definitely Cortez - or at least half of him, anyway. Liara couldn't see his legs, but something told her that even if he had survived being crushed, he would've been in horrible pain until the internal bleeding ran its course. _I will believe he died on impact, just like Chakwas._ But where was the Lieutenant?

"James?" she called out hesitantly, expecting no answer. But a spark of hope fluttered in her chest and her heart beat wildly when she heard a strong voice come back with,

"Over here, Doc!" She sprinted to the weapons lockers, James' usual spot. And her face fell.

"James, oh no," she started, but he held up  a hand to silence her.

"It doesn't hurt, Doc. I don't feel anything right now." A hint of a smile graced his lips and he motioned her closer. She knelt down on the ground beside him, examining the wound where his old workout pole had snapped in half, pinning him to the floor through his left shoulder. Even as she looked around it, trying to find a way to free him, she knew there was no hope of his survival. Vega knew it, too, but he seemed calm. Ready to go, almost.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Lieutenant Vega?" The white of his teeth flashed against his bronzed skin in a genuine smile.

"I'm all good, Doc, but thanks. You know, _mi madre_ always said that working out too much would kill me someday." The irony and dark humor was not lost on Liara, but she could not find it in herself to laugh. Not now. She felt a warm hand wrap around hers and she squeezed it back in reply. "Actually, Doc..." Vega began to say something, and then stopped. "Do asari sing? Is that common for you guys?"

"Poetry is a more preferred art form in our society, but we do have singers, yes."

"Could you... sing to me? Or say a poem, or anything really?"

The request was so simple, so unexpected coming from this krogan-sized human who, as always, appeared larger than life, even as Death came to carry him away. She nodded and gave him a tiny smile, scooting around behind him to let his head rest in her lap rather than on the ammo box it was currently nestled against. He sighed in relief as his neck straightened into a more comfortable position, and he folded his muscled arms across his stomach. Liara ran a hand through his short, dark hair absentmindedly, remembering how kind and polite he had always been to her. How good of a friend, and a soldier, he was. _Is._

The human looked up at her, almost bashfully. "You don't have to if you don't want, Doc."

"I would love to. I have a horrible singing voice, Lieutenant, but I do know some poems. Would you like to hear a few that Shepard once told me about? She overheard a krogan reciting them to his asari lover, in hopes of gaining her complete affection. He was quite smitten, apparently." The lieutenant grinned up at her and nodded his approval, and so she began.

"All right, here's the first one. ' _Oh Blue Rose of Illium, let your roots dig deep into the hot soil of Tuchanka. Let our scorching sun and sheeting rain turn your supple beauty into strength. For if our love is to survive, it must grow thorns to pierce the hand of any that would uproot it!"_ She chuckled along with Vega at the somewhat stumbling nature of the words, though she knew they both recognized just how sweet it truly was. "And then the next part went something like...

' _Blue Rose of Illium, you have blossomed in a tower of glass and plastic. But beauty under glass is untested and weak. Where are your honored dead, to fertilize the ground that you might grow strong? On the rocky plains of Tuchanka, I will build you a garden from the bones of my ancestors._ And then the last part, are you ready Lieutenant?" His eyelids were slowly drooping, but he nodded, still smiling.

“ _Blue Rose of Illium, leave eternity unembraced and grapple in the glorious struggle that is us, here and now! I am speechless, not with blood rage, but with love, and I stand here, humble and mute, to offer you a home. Come to me, Blue Rose of Illium. Let our three hearts beat as two.”_

"Damn, that asari must've been something, huh?" James muttered good-naturedly, winking at Liara. "You know, I think we found a datapad on a mission once with some kind of message about a rose of Illium. You think that might've been the same krogan?" Liara thought about it for a moment.

"That's very likely, Lieutenant."

"Actually, I may still have a copy of that file on my omnitool. Mind if I have a turn at reciting poems, Doc?"

"Certainly not. I would love to hear one from you." As long as he was talking, he was live, she thought to herself. Anything to convince herself that the iron rod puncturing his shoulder wasn't really there, it was all just some illusion that's all. That was it.

James took as deep of a breath as he could muster. "All right, Doc, here's what that krogan said.

_“O Blue Rose of Illium, if these humble words reach you, then I have joined my ancestors. My -"_ Vega's voice faltered and he coughed harshly, specks of blood appearing on his palm. " _My dream was to be by your side, a weed beside your beauty, twining together in the warm Tuchanka sun. But if my last days must be with krannt instead of kindness..."_ Another series of violent coughs, but he continued on, though his voice was growing steadily and steadily quieter. _"Still, I will remember the perfume of your scent and ....the soft touch of your petals. Let my broken bones build..... a wall around...."_ \- cough - _"your garden, so you and the flower we...We....”_

And Lieutenant Vega spoke no more.  

Liara bowed her head and said a prayer to the Goddess for this fallen warrior,  who had deserved so much more than an end like this. They had _all_ deserved more than this - being crushed by the ship that was their home, never knowing if the galaxy was truly safe from the Reapers. Never knowing if Shepard had succeeded, or if she was even still alive. Who's to say the Reapers wouldn't descend minutes from now, wiping away their existence as the last traces of their cycle?

The asari placed a hand over the Lieutenant's eyes and closed them, extricating herself from underneath his head and laying him down as gently as possible. "May your God find you and bring you home, James," she whispered, tears finally beginning to roll down her cheeks. She didn't know that she could take much more of this, finding her dearest friends' bodies scattered like ragdolls throughout this ship that she had loved and called home for so long. She dragged her weary body back up the ladder, returning to the CIC. Joker looked up when she entered, and she shook her head.

"I haven't found EDI yet. I'm sorry. Later, I will continue to look but for now...." Kaidan sat up slowly as she paused, looking between her and Joker. "For now, I need to rest. Are you both feeling okay?" Both men nodded slowly, looking away from her eyes. She heaved a deep sigh and slumped into the chair next to Joker's and rubbed her eyes wearily. Kaidan laid back down on the floor, and before Liara realized it he was sound asleep. She didn't have the heart, nor the strength to force him to stay awake at this point.

Suddenly, a loud flanging scream echoed throughout the ship, and Liara leapt to her feet unsteadily.

"Garrus?" she cried out, looking around frantically. The cry came again, from somewhere above her. Joker looked at her and pointed at the ceiling. It hadn't occurred to her that he might be there, but now she felt like an idiot for not thinking about it. She wearily jogged to the  nearest emergency ladder and scaled it as fast as she could manage, forcing her hands not to shake with exhaustion. Luckily, the tunnel led directly into Shepard's closet so there'd be no need to bypass the door. "Garrus?" she called again, praying for an answer. There was a soft grunt from the bedroom, and she slid through the half-open closet door to see Garrus sprawled on his back across the carpet beside Shepard's bed. There was water everywhere, and fish, and... Oh, Goddess, what will Shepard think when she -

The fish tank was gone. Completely destroyed. Huge glass shards littered the floor, some piled on top of the groaning turian. Blue blood mingled with water and soaked into the carpet, spongy beneath her feet as she cautiously approached him.

"Liara," he gasped, turning his head towards her. "Thank the spirits, you're alive."

"I'm here, Garrus," she said as calmly as she could. "What are you doing up here? I thought you'd have been in the battery, or in engineering." He shook his head, and a wave of sadness washed over his face.

"I just figured that, if something happened and we didn't make it... Well..."

"Well what, Garrus?"

"I figured that if I died in here, with all of Shepard's things, it would make me feel at least a little closer to her. Reassure me in death or some shit like that, I don't know."

Liara nodded slowly as she began to understand. "Okay, Garrus. But we need to get you some medigel, right away. Your leg is..." She couldn't quite describe how bad his leg was. One of the larger chunks of glass had apparently managed to slide through one of the vulnerable cracks in his armor, slicing through a large portion of his knee. "Damaged. Your leg is pretty badly damaged."

"Shepard keeps a first aid kit under the sink," Garrus replied. "There should be plenty of dextro supplies in there, too." Liara nodded and jogged to the bathroom, grabbing the small dustpan and handheld broom from the corner behind the toilet in addition to the medkit. She swept away as much of the glass as possible from the area beside Garrus, and knelt down to begin bandaging him up. It took a long time, but she finally concluded that she had done all she could for the time being.

"Can you stand?" she asked, as she swept more glass off of his scratched-up armor. He looked at her anxiously, shaking his head.

"I'd say that's a no, Liara, you did see my leg right?" She nodded in agreement and thought for a moment.

"I think I have enough strength in my amp to lift you."

"Are you sure, Liara? I don't want to strain your amp, we don't need any more brain injuries than what we might already have on our hands." Liara waved him off.

"I'll be fine, Garrus. I know my limits. Now, hold very still please." She stood up and steadied herself, reaching into the farthest depths of her body to summon whatever energy still remained. With the greatest single amount of focus she'd ever put towards anything, she threw out a lift field and managed to ease Garrus up on to the bed. She jogged over as he descended to the mattress and turned his head to the side, so his fringe didn't get harmed. "I won't be able to move you down with the others," she mused, looking over him one last time.

"Who all is 'the others'?"

"I've only found Joker and Kaidan alive so far," she said sadly, and he sighed, closing his eyes.

"Damn."

"I know," she said softly. "But the four of us are alive. And we have to be grateful for that."

"Liara... where are we?"

"I have no idea, Garrus. I haven't seen anything outside yet. I will ask Joker if he knows though, okay? For now, try to get some sleep. I will come up here to check on you as often as I can. Does your omnitool still work?" The turian flexed his fingers and the orange screen came to life, albeit much dimmer than usual.

"Enough to signal you if something goes wrong. Go on back down, see if Kaidan and Joker need anything. I'm fine for now." Liara nodded and turned to walk back to the closet. As she slipped through the door, Garrus asked one more question.

"Do you think Shepard made it, Liara?"

"To the Catalyst, or... survived?"

"Either," he muttered softly, and she was glad she couldn't see his face from behind the door.

"Honestly, I don't know Garrus. I really don't know." She shimmied back down the ladder before the turian could say anything else, and hot tears blinded her as she walked back towards the CIC. Thankfully, both of the men were asleep now, and she took advantage of the quiet moment and sunk back into the chair next to Joker, allowing sleep to overcome her emotionally and physically drained mind. Little did they know, it was the last peaceful rest most of them would have for a very long time to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so incredibly hard for me to write, I shed more than a few tears doing so. I don't know that it's quite that emotionally evocative to you lovely readers, but I hope that it at least captures some of the emotions that ran through my head as I imagined the Normandy crew waking up after the crash.   
> Please let me know what you all think of it! And as always, I am open to suggestions!


	12. Broken Pieces

Seeing Shepard curled up in a hospital bed was not something Liara had ever expected to seem calm and reassuring. But looking at her now, wrapped around Garrus protectively with his arms folded around her, it was the picture of peace. Liara had anticipated never being able to see Shepard again, much less see her reunited with her love, and hearing Garrus keen every night for seven years had taken a toll on not only her, but Joker as well. As far as she could tell, Joker and Garrus had become the closest of friends in the past few years. She'd walked into the remnants of the cockpit many a time to hear them guffawing about some stupid Hierarchy or Alliance joke, jabbing playfully at each others' egos in quick succession. Those moments had warmed her heart, given her hope that all was not lost. She had never been able to be that close with Garrus, as she'd never been able to completely set aside her feelings for Shepard. And so she hadn't been there for him in the middle of the night, when he made every effort to silence his subvocals but they wrenched out of him regardless, cutting the still air of that planet like knives. Joker had been there, every night, never saying a word that she could hear but still somehow calming Garrus just by being there, by listening and understanding. Those sounds had haunted her dreams for years, and now she found that it was almost difficult to sleep without them. She'd had to program her omnitool to play soft music every night, to break the silence of her temporary hotel room.

_Now is not the time to remember the bad,_ she thought to herself. _Now is the time to look to the future. To rebuilding our lives and finding out what has happened in our absence. There will be time to remember later._

With that in mind, she knocked quietly on the doorframe of Garrus's hospital room. Neither of them stirred, and Liara felt guilty for even trying to wake them up. But Shepard had wanted to see what remained of the Normandy, and none of the others were in any shape to even attempt leaving yet, so it fell to Liara. Besides, she looked forward to catching up with the Commander (because even with all of Shepard's insistence, Liara would call her Commander until the day she died, if only behind her back). She knocked again, a little louder. This time, Garrus shifted and his eyes opened slowly, blinking until he recognized her.

"Hey Liara," he murmured, his voice rougher and deeper than usual from sleep. "You need something?" The asari shook her head and leaned against the door, crossing her arms casually.

"I'm supposed to take Shepard to see the Normandy," she said quietly, knowing that the turian could hear her across the room. "She wanted to see it, and I thought I'd take her by. But if she's still sleeping, I'll just come back later."

"I'm awake," came a small voice from beside Garrus. Shepard turned her face towards the door, eyes still closed, and let out a huge yawn before sitting up. As she stretched out her arms and flexed her shoulder, her lavender eyes opened and settled on Liara. "Just give me a few minutes to get ready, okay?"

"Shepard, we can do this later if you want -"

The commander waved her off. "No Liara, we can go. Just a few minutes?" Liara nodded and Shepard scooted out of the bed, taking care not to jostle Garrus too much. He was still a couple of days off from surgery, but Liara knew that Shepard was probably already worrying about the outcome and how he would adjust to the prosthetics. They were all worried about it, truth be told - his was by far the most worrisome procedure of any of the survivors'. Kaidan's had simply been a matter of taking his amp out, and Joker's had mostly been laying cybernetics into his bone tissue where it would develop and connect by itself to strengthen his bones and re-knit the micro-fractures that had healed incorrectly. Garrus, however, faced a much longer and much more difficult recovery - prosthetics were hard for any species to adapt to, and Garrus had never been one for lounging around. Even if his leg hadn't been able to support him for years, he still had feeling in it. He still knew it was there, could still see it. Once it was amputated, the only feeling he would have there is whatever the doctors did to him cybernetically to produce simulated feeling from the metallic limb. There would be no familiar spur, which would have thrown any turian off. And they all knew that the pain of the recovery process was going to be hard for anyone to bear, even someone like Garrus. But Liara took great relief in the fact that Shepard was here beside him now, to guide him through and to take care of him. She knew they would be okay. Not just Shepard and Garrus, but all of them. The Reapers were gone, as Liara had verified as soon as they checked in at the hospital. They had lost so many, but there was so much light ahead that even just thinking about it, Liara had to wipe a tear of joy from her eyes.

Garrus noticed the gesture and cocked his head at her. "You okay, Liara?" Blushing, she nodded and waved a hand at him.

"It's nothing, Garrus, I'm fine. I was just thinking about how long it took to get here and... And how bright the future looks." Her voice was thick with emotion, she knew, but she didn't try to hide it from Garrus. He nodded in agreement.

"I know exactly how you feel." He glanced over at Shepard who was brushing her teeth in the adjoining bathroom. She smoothed her hair back into a ponytail and closed the door for a moment to change her clothing. As the door closed, Liara looked back up at Garrus.

"Would you like for me to get your things while we're back at the Normandy?"

"That'd be great. Shepard will know what I need. Do you think you could get Joker's stuff while you're down there, too?" Liara nodded and smiled.

"Of course. We'll grab whatever we can, and have the maintenance crew at the docking bay round up everything else for us to sort through later." The thought of having to sift through the lost crew's belongings did not sit well with her, but things would need to be sent to families (or whatever was left of their families after all this time). Liara made a mental note to herself to begin tracking down addresses and names, where to send old belongings and notices of death. Of course, the families had probably already received letters about the Normandy being lost and their loved ones M.I.A., but Shepard would want to inform them as personally as she could. And sending back the belongings was something they could hold on to, something real and something physical. Yes, that would be her next task on her steadily-growing to-do list.

"You ready?" asked Shepard as she left the bathroom, now wearing a simple black tank top and tight-fitting pants, with dark athletic shoes on her feet instead of the silvery ballet flats she'd been wearing with her Councilor uniform. Liara smiled and nodded, and the two were off.

#

Shepard held her breath as they stepped out onto the docking bay. The _Normandy_ looked exactly the same, and yet completely different. The hull had been badly damaged, that much was obvious, but a ton of patchwork across its surface seemed to be what was holding it together. The glass of the cockpit seemed to be completely gone - Shepard turned to Liara with a confused expression.

"How did you guys get home with the cockpit blown out like that?" Liara just shrugged and gestured towards it, her hand glowing the faintest bit.

"The armor plating was still mostly intact, we just had it pulled up once we were approaching the Citadel to get a good look at it. I rested my biotics for weeks to prepare, and then threw up a barrier around the outside of the cockpit to bolster the integrity of the ablative plate. There were a few moments while we were traveling through one of the relays where I thought I might lose the barrier, but Garrus was there and he supported me so I could keep standing, but focus what energy I had into the barrier." Shepard nodded solemnly, looking back at the ship.

"Well damn, Liara. And I thought she looked bad after the Omega-4 Relay."

"She held up all right," Liara chuckled softly, taking Shepard's elbow and leading her towards the airlock. The guards posted at the entrance did not try to stop them - they had recognized both of them immediately, and both of them saluted Shepard as she walked past. She nodded and saluted back quickly before following Liara into the airlock. The cabin did not desensitize as it usually did, and the door to the CIC was already open. Liara stepped back and gestured for Shepard to go on ahead. She did so tentatively.

It was everything and nothing like she'd expected. From where she stood she could see the entire CIC as well as Joker's cockpit. The debris had been cleared to the sides of the rooms, and a long flat sheet of metal had been placed over the stairs to allow Joker access to and from the cockpit. There were huge stacks in one corner of the CIC, consisting of old ration boxes and empty medigel packets. As Shepard walked down toward the elevator, her mind went still and she found that she couldn't even think of anything to say. On the floor, just behind her old command post, there was a pallet of standard-issue blankets and two pillows, surrounded by a few odd trinkets showing that it was clearly Liara's little nest. Shepard looked up at Liara, frowning.

"There were beds, Liara, why didn't you sleep somewhere more comfortable?"

The asari looked down, anxiously wringing her hands. "It was the most central location to where everyone else was. Kaidan was kept in the old conference room, because it had the most space for a stasis field and I could maintain it while still checking up on the other two. Joker stayed in the cockpit most of the time, even sleeping there."

"That doesn't surprise me," Shepard chuckled, glancing toward the cockpit. He'd always been there, all the time. In fact, she could only remember three or four times seeing him out of that chair, and they'd been on the Citadel. "Where did Garrus stay?"

"He was.... He stayed in your cabin. It helped him feel closer to you, I think." The thought wrenched Shepard's heart. Garrus had never liked to sleep alone in her bed - he always had known when she would wake up and go to sit on the couch after a particularly nasty nightmare. He had always felt her absence strongly when she didn't take him on an overnight mission.

"Can I... Can we go up there?"

"Of course, Shepard." Liara started off towards the emergency ladder in the war room, knowing that the medbay ladder was closer but not wanting to take Shepard there just yet. The two climbed the ladder quickly and Liara stepped aside to let Shepard get a view of her old cabin. She sighed sadly at the sight of the fish tank's lack of glass paneling, noticing the piles of tiny glass shards at the bottom of the tank. As she stepped further into the room, she noticed that her model ship collection had remained mostly intact. The sight brought a little twinge of joy, and she reached up to run a finger along the ridge of the Normandy SR-2 Model. The SR-1 Model was lying on the desk in a cluster of broken pieces, looking as though someone had tried to put them back together with no success. She gathered the fragments in her hands and looked at them one by one, knowing that even Garrus's delicate touch could not have fixed this broken mess. Next to it, in a more neglected pile of plastic, lay the remains of the Sovereign model. Shepard smirked as she picked up the piece where the red eye still gleamed red.

"They don't make models of these anymore," she sighed at Liara, who shrugged apologetically.

"Garrus tried to fix them, he really did. But after getting his fingers stuck together three or four times, he finally gave up on it." The thought of Garrus and super glue elicited a chuckle from Shepard, and Liara laughed quietly along with her before another moment of silence overtook the room. Shepard stood up on her tiptoes and grabbed the model of the Destiny Ascension carefully, bringing it down to cradle it to her chest. A soft sound from behind her caused her to look up at the shelf, where a small, grey-faced rodent was nuzzling at the glass wall of the cage.

"Holy fucking Christ," she whispered, setting down the Ascension model and pressing her forehead to the glass. "My little space hamster. How in the hell has he lived this long? Aren't hamsters supposed to die after like three or four years, tops?" Liara smirked as Shepard reached into the cage and coaxed the hamster into her hands, bringing him out to hold him against her chest. She cooed to him quietly as she stroked his fur, grinning. "My little baby's gotten pretty old, hasn't he? You're still precious though, don't you worry your pretty little face about that."

"Yeah,  he's aged pretty well," Liara said as she leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom. "Garrus fed him with some of the local vegetation, and I guess it was safe enough for him to eat at least. We never tried it ourselves."

"You could've killed my hamster," Shepard whispered quietly, but there was no malice in her voice. Only relief as she petted the tiny rodent some more. "We'll definitely need to take him back to my apartment." Liara nodded and stepped to Shepard's side to pull the glass cage down from the shelf after undoing the latches that attached it to the wall. Shepard set the hamster back down inside with a final pat on the head and then turned to survey the rest of the room. Liara stood back to give her a moment, for which she was grateful. The room looked eerily similar to the way she'd left it - datapads were still scattered about the table, her old N7 hoodie (she had ordered a replacement one a couple of years ago, to try and regain some of the comfort she had remembered it brought to her then) and a pile of her old casual clothes thrown over the back of the couch, undisturbed. The bed sheets were tangled about, and her heart twisted again at the thought of Garrus sleeping alone for all these years. _Never again,_ she promised silently, both to him and to herself. _He'll never be alone._

"Shit Liara," Shepard said suddenly, jerking out of her reverie. "Did we even bring a bag to carry all this stuff?" Liara nodded once and went into the closet, bringing out Shepard's old standard-issue N7 duffel bag.

"Is it all right if we use this?" Her tone was hesitant, her eyes cautious as they scanned Shepard's for any sign of anger.

"Of course it's all right," Shepard replied warmly, taking the bag from Liara. The black material felt worn but familiar in her hands, taking her back to all those deployments from N-school and the Alliance. It was like a little piece of her life was being handed to her. She set the bag down on the couch and began moving around the room slowly, picking up both hers and Garrus's clothes and a few of her favorite books. As she walked back down the stairs from grabbing the smallest of her model ships to place in the bag, she stopped dead in her tracks. A huge, dark blue stain had seeped into the plush beige carpet, surrounded by darker tan areas where only water marred the fabric. She looked up at Liara with an anxious question in her eyes, and the asari was hesitant to answer.

"The glass from the fish tank shattered," she said quietly, casting her eyes away from Shepard's. "That's what went through his knee - not metal, a very large shard of glass." Shepard's eyes screwed shut as she tried to push the thought of Garrus curled up on the floor in pain out of her mind unsuccessfully. Liara rushed into the bathroom and grabbed an old towel, laying it gently over the carpet to obscure most of the stain. Even having it covered made Shepard feel immensely better, and she stepped over the towel towards the top of the bed to grab Garrus's special turian pillow.

Her hand stilled when she reached for the picture frame at the bedside. It had been dark a few moments before but, now that she was in close proximity to it, it sparked to life with a picture that she'd never seen before of her and Garrus from his omnitool - one he had taken accidentally, while she was showing him what 'tickling' was. The picture was off-center, angled so that she could see just the side of his face but about three-quarters of hers. Her mouth was wide open in a laugh, looking happier than she ever remembered feeling. Her crimson hair, then only reaching to brush against her collarbones, was strewn about her cheeks and the pillow, wild from tumbling about no doubt. Shepard grabbed the frame and stroked the edges of it gently, wiping a tear from her eyes before placing it tenderly in the duffel bag.

"Happier times," she whispered to herself, and she felt the cool presence of Liara coming up behind her.

"You were happy then, Shepard," the asari said quietly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "But there are much better things to come. The galaxy is safe now, because of what you did. Garrus is safe. There are far brighter things ahead than you could even dare to imagine."

Liara looked like she believed it, as Shepard turned around to hug her old friend tightly. The asari returned the embrace, giving Shepard a gentle squeeze. As they pulled apart, Shepard nodded.  "You're right," she whispered hoarsely, her voice betraying her emotions. "There are better things to come." It only took a few minutes to pack up the rest of Garrus's and her belongings, and then they were crawling back down the ladder after a final long glance at the cabin. Liara disappeared into the medbay and grabbed another standard-issue duffel bag to place Joker's other stuff in, and then they returned to the docking bay. Liara made a discreet motion with her hand at the guards, who promptly turned in and entered the ship after them. Shepard didn't know what they were doing, but she imagined she would find out soon enough. And right now, she was too emotionally exhausted to say anything during their short cab ride back to the hospital. As soon as they got back, Shepard gently set her bag down in the chair and crawled up into bed beside Garrus, drifting once again into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	13. Waking Up

Doctor Belen had gone over and over ( _and over_ ) the procedure with Shepard for the last week, making sure that she understood exactly what was going to happen down to the very last detail. He entrusted her with informing Garrus - both of them knew, without saying it, that he would both listen and react to her much better.

It was going to be pretty complex, compared to most prosthetic procedures that Belen had apparently overseen. Because the nerves in Garrus's knee had been so severely mangled in the _Normandy_ crash, it was going to take a special system of neural receptors to allow as much mobility as possible. Belen had proposed doing this by laying a cybernetic network of these receptors over his skin, promising that the wires would be tucked away and nearly invisible in the dark skin between his gunmetal plates. The idea, at first, had unsettled Shepard - she didn't want Garrus to suddenly have tubes and wires spiraling out of his neck like some kind of resurrected Saren. But after talking with him about it, he had asked Belen for a rough diagram. When the salarian had handed over the datapad detailing the proposed location and arrangement of the extraneous cybernetic network, Garrus had immediately hummed in thought and signed the forms. When Shepard had looked at him hesitantly, he smiled back.

"It won't look as bad as it sounds, Posey. Belen knows what he's doing, you of all people know that." The doctor would have blushed if salarians were capable - instead, he simply bowed his head gratefully to acknowledge Garrus's comment. Shepard had thought about it for a moment, and then nodded in agreement. She put down all of her information on the emergency contact forms like she had so many times in the past couple of weeks for Joker, Kaidan, and even Liara. None of them had known immediately where their other family or friends were, so Shepard had seemed like the natural choice for all of them. It had warmed her heart, but also let a little bit of that guilt and responsibility that she'd worked so hard to suppress back into her mind.

His surgery was set to begin at 16:00 GST. Shepard kissed Garrus on the cheek as they wheeled him into the operating room, knocked out cold with krogan-grade anesthetics. It took all of her strength to walk away from the doors after whispering 'I love you' through the glass, even though she knew that there was a miniscule chance that something like this would go wrong. Still, she was on edge the entire time he was gone. Belen wasn't able to leave to give her updates, so she was forced to sit in Garrus's hospital room for nigh on eleven hours before the door swished open and Garrus was wheeled back in. He looked just the same, incredibly peaceful and handsome in his drug-induced sleep. Shepard had to smile at the little lipstick print she'd left on his mandible before the surgery - she'd had some Council duties to attend to earlier in the day that required her to look galactically presentable, which meant makeup and her uniform (which Garrus was incredibly fond of, already). Luckily she had a chance to change out of her dress and coat before heading to the hospital, but the makeup had remained and her hair was  still wrapped in a tight braid in a halo around her head. The soft pink of her lipstick had left a shimmer against his dark grey mandible, and for a moment she was sort of grateful that the doctors hadn't wiped it off.

A gentle hand on her shoulder stirred her out of her reverie.                                                

"Councilor, may I speak with you for a few moments?"

"Of course Dr. Belen," she smiled back, gesturing to the other chair beside hers. He shook his head gravely, and goosebumps ran up Shepard's arms as she tried to decipher his expression.

"We took the liberty of running some tests on Mr. Vakarian," Belen started in, clearing his throat. Shepard raised an eyebrow, but not in anger. More in curiosity, and a little fear. "Just a couple of blood samples, and some measures of neurological activity within the brain itself. I think we may have figured out why Mr. Vakarian has been experiencing these blackouts." Her throat closed up a little bit,  but she nodded for him to continue.

"We still aren't entirely sure what planet they landed on, no time to access the _Normandy_ 's flight records and all of that business, so we were not able at first to identify common species of that planet, both macro- and microorganisms. However, in observing the blood samples we identified a previously-unknown species of virus, which we believe originated on this planet. We are still looking at some tests to make sure it hasn't already been identified, but if not we will begin the process of studying the organism and its effects in-depth. Should this occur, we would like to ask Mr. Vakarian's permission to use him as a study subject. No invasive procedures, would be part of routine physical therapy appointments."

There was so much information being thrown at her that Shepard had to let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding in a huge gust of air. "That's a lot to ask, Doc."

"Well aware of commitment. However, he is the only being we know of to ever be infected with this pathogen. In order to understand progress of disease or infection, we must study the organism. We will not allow disease to progress unchecked, obviously - we will respond to symptoms accordingly and treat them as best we can until a cure is synthesized. You do not have to make a decision right now, Councilor. I will allow time for you to discuss with Mr. Vakarian, however I strongly suggest to you as I will to him to allow us to study this pathogen. Could be huge medical discovery, you know."

"I'll... I'll talk to him," she finally managed to say, and Belen nodded and stood up immediately.

"Thank you for your time, Councilor. Anesthetics should wear off within the hour, but I will have a nurse bring in a cot and some bedding for you right away."

The gesture was kind and incredibly genuine, a way of apologizing for not being able to update her during the surgery. Shepard knew that the doctor was doing all he could with Garrus, but this whole situation was just draining the life out of her. The Normandy crew had limped back into her life two weeks ago now, and everyone was still scrambling to understand what had happened and what the future looked like for all of them.

_Things will work out_ , she assured herself as she began to doze off in the chair. _They have to. Everything is going to work out just fine._

#

Garrus Vakarian was on fire. Or at least, that's what it felt like. As his eyes slid open slowly, adjusting to the fluorescent hospital lights, he felt a cooler hand around his and smiled sleepily. Shepard was here, still. Of course she was. She had scooted her chair closer to his bedside so that she could hold his hand, presumably, and her head was tossed back across the back of the chair. Once again, that strange little sound Joker called 'snoring' (although Shepard would probably kill Garrus if she knew that _Joker_ knew about that adorable little habit) was coming from her mouth, hanging slightly open in a sleepy daze. He traced small circles on the back of her hand with his thumb, relishing the softness of her skin and the relaxed expression on her face. After a few moments, she stirred, her lavender eyes opening to squint at  the harsh, glaring light. He squeezed her hand gently and she looked up at him, smiling.

"Well good morning, sleepyhead." Her voice was raspy and soft, just like it always was when they'd woken up in bed beside each other on the _Normandy_. It was the sound of home to him, the sound of peace and quiet and everything good in his world.

"Good morning," he purred back. "How long was I asleep?" Shepard flicked her right wrist around and pressed a button on her omnitool with her nose, refusing to disentangle her left hand with his right.

"The surgery and anesthetics lasted about twelve hours total, then you just straight-up slept for about eight. So quite a while," she chuckled, sitting up in the chair. "But hey, here's some good news for you. Dr. Belen said that, as long as everything goes well for the next couple of days, you'll be released soon. And then you can go with me to Tali's wedding, if the doctor approves you for travel."

Garrus's eyes snapped open, and he suddenly felt wide awake. "Tali's what?"

"Oh." Jane scratched at her head with her free hand, blushing. "I forgot to tell you."

"Uh yeah," Garrus smirked, trying to approximate an eye-roll. "Now what did you just say?"

"Tali's getting married. Well, the human term is marriage, I mean I don't technically know what quarians - or turians for that matter - call it but -"

"Posey," he interrupted. "It's called a bonding ritual, for turians and quarians, and who is she even bonding to?"

She went dead silent for a moment, a small, mischievous smile sneaking across her lips. "Admiral Koris."

Garrus just about lost it. "You're kidding me. No way." Shepard just tossed her head back in a hearty laugh and nodded her head vigorously.

"Yes way, Garrus, they're together now. Have been for a while, in fact. I'll let her explain it to you, though - it's actually a pretty sweet story."

"Better be, after the way he acted during Tali's treason trial," Garrus muttered, shaking his head slowly in disbelief. "Tali'Koris. Now that'll take some getting used to." Shepard nodded along, smiling at him.

"It'll  be really fun," she said once he had absorbed the information as best as he could for now. "But she doesn't know you've returned, so let's surprise her, okay? I've had Liara watching the information networks to keep it a surprise."

"I see Liara has jumped right back into the swing of things," he chuckled in response. "You can take the asari out of the Shadow Broker lair, but you can't take the Shadow Broker out of the asari, huh?" Shepard smirked at his rendition of a familiar human saying she'd taught him long ago.

"Yeah, that's about right. Now, how are you feeling? Any pain?" The sudden shift in topic brought Garrus's focus back to the warm, tingling sensation he felt in his legs, and he reached his free hand up to rub against the back of his neck where it itched. Shepard jumped up at his motion and grabbed the hand, shaking her head. "Don't scratch it," she said quickly. "It'll heal quicker if you leave it alone."

"It'll what?... Oh." Realization struck him like a charging krogan as the tips of his talons clicked against a metal node on the back of his neck. "That." Shepard didn't say anything, waiting for him to prompt whatever conversation about it he was willing to have right now. He glanced down at his legs under the sheet and swallowed nervously.

"Do you... do you want to see it?" Shepard's voice was anxious, but encouraging. He nodded slowly and Shepard stood up, releasing his hand to pull back the sheets. Garrus inhaled sharply, and he caught Shepard staring at it with no small amount of shock. There was no prosthetic yet where his right leg should have been - only an empty white space below a bandaged stump. There was no blood on the bandage for which they were both grateful. Shepard put a hand on his shoulder gently, the one they hadn't re-set during the operation, and looked him in the eyes. "It'll heal really quickly," she said quietly. "They've developed a new medigel upgrade for major wounds. We're implementing it in the next rounds of armor development for our field troops. It should really speed things up. They should be able to attach the prosthetic tomorrow, and get it all synced up to the nerve stim plates. You'll be good to go in no time." The smile she gave him was genuine, and he believed her.

"Is that why everything is tingling?" Garrus asked, glancing back down at the stump. Shepard nodded and pulled the sheets back up over his lap, to Garrus's silent relief.

"Yeah, that's the medigel. If it gets too uncomfortable, let me know and I'll get Belen to send in a cooling gel for it. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"A good meal would be nice," he chuckled lightly. Shepard grinned.

"I thought you'd say that." She disappeared from his bedside for a moment to walk over to the miniature cooling unit in the corner of the room. She knelt down and pulled out a small, opaque plastic tub, popping it in the flash-heating unit for a few seconds. When she pulled out his meal tray and set the steaming tub on top of it, Garrus's mouth immediately set to watering.

"You didn't," he said excitedly, knowing that this couldn't have been easy for her to find. "How did you even get a hold of this?" The meal was his old favorite, a perfectly seared slab of cardalan meat with his favorite fruit from his childhood on Palaven. "I mean, to hell with how you got a _hold_ of it," he said around a fruit he had just popped into his mouth, "how did you know these were my favorite?"

"I have my sources." Garrus narrowed his eyes playfully at her even as he picked up the meat with his talons and munched on it voraciously. Her pale eyes were glowing with delight as a loud thrum of satisfaction rumbled from his chest. She handed him a napkin, laughing, as a bit of the juices from the incredibly rare cardalan dripped down his chin. He widened his mandibles in a smile to mimic her own as he wiped his face before digging right back in. Within a few minutes it was gone, and he sighed in contentment as Shepard walked to get him a glass of water.

"That was incredible Posey," he purred. "But really, how did you know?" A moment ago it hadn't seemed possible, but now her eyes lit up even more and she seemed to nearly bounce with excitement. She pulled up her omnitool, typed a quick message, and closed it before he could even see who she was sending it to. Seconds later the door to his room opened, and in waltzed someone he hadn't seen for longer than he'd been away from Shepard. Every ounce of air left his lungs and he sat there, stunned.

"Hello there, son."

Garrus swallowed and looked back and forth between Posey and the slender tan turian at the door, facial markings to match his own, watching her step back from his bedside.

His voice was a hoarse whisper. "Mom?"

"Garrus!" The tender moment was interrupted by another turian bursting through the door, whose plates were a much darker beige with a metallic hint of silver.

"Solana!" He leaned forward to receive a hug from his sister, grunting with the twinge of pain that her impact brought. They embraced for a long, long moment, taking in each other's scent and each purring with happiness. "Spirits, how I've missed you." Solana pulled back from his embrace, her mandibles wide and blue eyes shining with joy. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed and she smacked the top of his head, shocking him.

"No more disappearing, Garrus!" she growled, though her subvocals still spoke of her relief at seeing him alive. "I don't ever want to hear that you're dead again, you hear me?!" He nodded slowly and squeezed her gloved hand gently, and her expression softened. "I missed you too," she said quietly, a bittersweet hum beneath her voice. "I'm glad you're back."

He turned his head when he saw his mother approaching the other side of the hospital bed, with his father just behind. His mother didn't bend in to hug him, simply taking his hand in both of hers and gripping it firmly. "Welcome back, Garrus. I've missed you so much." Her subvocals were thick with emotion, and he didn't even try to suppress his own. His father looked more relaxed than Garrus ever remembered seeing him as he stood with his hands on his mother's shoulders, smiling down at Garrus.

"I'm proud of you, son," Fractus Vakarian said quietly. "You are one tough kid, you know that?"

"Always have been," Garrus replied respectfully, but still he retained the warmth in his voice.

"He takes after his father," his mother chuckled, nudging her forehead against Fractus's mandible. All four of the turians thrummed out laughter together, and Garrus remarked inwardly that his family hadn't seemed this whole in quite a long time, even before the Reapers had invaded. As his parents and sister all began to chatter back and forth, Garrus glanced over at Shepard who had retreated to the corner to fix herself a glass of water. She looked back at him and smiled, looking both  incredibly smug that she'd managed to surprise him and incredibly relieved to see him practically radiating happiness.

As he, and eventually Shepard, joined in his family's conversation, Garrus took a moment to reflect on everything good in his life. His family was here and alive, and his life mate was here and alive, and even with the loss of one leg he had never felt more right. His family stayed for a few more hours, talking about everything from the beauty of the New Citadel to Garrus's prosthetic, before retiring to their hotel for the night with a promise of visiting again the next day. As soon as a nurse had come in to change his bandages and check his vitals, he was permitted to sleep. He purred as Shepard scooted the chair back towards his bed and took his hand in hers, leaning her head against his side. They drifted to sleep that way, and Garrus felt as though he'd never felt this at peace in his entire life.


	14. Back to Rannoch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the lead-up to Tali's wedding! Yay!  
> Sorry this one is a little short, it was either cut it short or have it be WAY too long.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay traveling with Joker?" Posey knew she sounded worried, but she wasn't about to try to hide it. She'd seen Garrus every day since they had returned to the Citadel, and the thought of spending even one day without him made her heart slam inside her chest. The turian just looked up at her from the chair where he sat, shaking his head.

"Posey, calm down. I'm going to be fine, okay? If the pain gets too bad, I'll just take the prosthetic off."

Shepard rolled her eyes and snorted. "If the pain gets too bad, how about you take those pain meds that Belen gave you instead of taking your leg off?" Garrus had turned his head back down towards his prosthetic, adjusting some of the settings through a control panel on the inner calf, but Shepard could tell that his mandibles were widened in a smirk.

"I'm not going to take my leg off," he chuckled, closing the control panel when he was done pressing buttons. He reached out a hand towards Shepard and she took it, pulling him up slowly to his feet. She reached for the cane that Dr. Belen had sent and handed it to Garrus, who sighed but took it from her and supported himself with it. As she looked up at him, towering above her, she smiled.

"I'd almost forgotten how tall you were," she said quietly, placing a hand to his mandible. He leaned into her touch and put his free hand on her waist tenderly.

"Of course I'm tall, compared to a tiny human like yourself."

That earned him a gentle smack on his keelbone, which made him laugh more than hurt him. "I'll have you know," Shepard huffed, "that I am a perfectly average height for a human woman. 5'4 is nothing to be ashamed of. I was taller than a lot of the girls on Mindoir, and even some of the boys." Garrus held up a hand in mock defeat, laughing again.

"All right, all right. But at least you're _my_ tiny little human." Shepard sighed and rolled her eyes as he pulled her into an embrace with his free hand. She wrapped her arms around his torso, just above his waist, and pressed her cheek against his shoulder.

"Please be careful," she said quietly. Garrus pressed a kiss to the top of her head and thrummed out a reassurance, earning a quiet hum of her own in  response. Her attempt at a hum warmed his heart even further, and he instinctively bent his neck to press his forehead to hers. He felt her face shift in a smile before her lips met his for all too brief of a moment, before she turned from his embrace to grab her old N7 duffel bag.

"Travel safe," Garrus called out as she disappeared around the door, and Shepard peeked back for a moment to wave and smile at him.

She walked to the transport depot as quickly as she could without making a fool of herself, controlling the urge to practically skip through the New Citadel. Her travel ship was already prepped and waiting for her, and all she had to do was buckle her safety harness in the small lounge area and signal the pilot over the intercom that she was ready to go. The gravity beneath her feet slowly shifted into the once-familiar weight of space-travel, and her stomach dropped excitedly as the transport zipped off towards Rannoch.

#

"You're here!" Shepard turned when she heard the undignified squeal of an excited quarian, and was met with Tali's full weight as she barreled into her with a hug. She had to laugh at Tali's enthusiasm, even as she returned the embrace. Tali grabbed her hand immediately and led her towards the shuttle she had waiting to take them to God-knows-where, and once they were seated Tali signaled the VI pilot to take off.

"I'm so glad you made it here, Shepard," Tali said excitedly, her unmasked face lit up with a glowing smile. Shepard grinned and patted the quarian's hand.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world, Tali. So where are we going?"

"Oh, we're headed to my apartment first," Tali replied, waving a hand out the window. "It should only be a few minutes."

"Where is Zaal'Koris?"

"Oh, we won't be seeing him today," Tali said quickly, pulling up her omnitool. "Quarian customs dictate that you are not to gaze upon each other for at least one full day before the bonding ritual. I believe he is with the newest Admiral, reviewing their duties and showing them around the capitol buildings." With a flick of her hand, she sent a cluster of data files to Shepard's omnitool. "Here, you might want to read up on these. Quarian customs for bonding rituals. There's nothing too complicated in there, just some basic stuff. We aren't as extravagant as you humans." There was a smile on her face as Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Human weddings are ridiculous," she said with a sigh. "Some people have these huge, drawn-out ceremonies, and I just don't get it. Why not just have a short little ceremony, slip the rings on, and get to the party?" Tali chuckled and raised a thin, elegant eyebrow.

"So you'd want a short ceremony, huh?" Shepard looked back at her quickly.

"Well... I mean, yeah, if I was ever going to get married. But I don’t think -"

Tali interrupted  her with a scoffing sound, throwing her hands dramatically in the air. "Shepard, you're ridiculous. What do you mean 'if' you ever get married?"

"I... I mean, I don't know if that's something that Garrus would..." Shepard realized her near-slip and hurriedly tried to backtrack. "I just don't think I'll ever find someone like him." The mood in the shuttle darkened, and Tali put a hand to Shepard's shoulder.

"Listen," she said softly, her glowing eyes meeting Shepard's own. "Garrus would've wanted you to be happy, to find someone to spend your time with. I know it's hard to move on - believe me, Shepard, I know. I still miss Kal'Reegar, as much as I love Zaal'Koris. But he is a part of your past, albeit a big part of it, and I think it might be time to look more to the future. It's been seven years, Shepard. It's okay to move on."

Shepard had to force down the smile that threatened to reveal her little turian secret. Instead, she masked the grin with a sad sigh and a dramatic gaze out the window. "You're right, Tali. The future looks pretty bright, I have to say." Tali nodded and smiled sweetly before patting Shepard's arm.

"It gets easier, I promise." As she said that, the shuttle came to a halt on solid ground, and the doors slowly opened with a hiss. Tali picked up Shepard's duffel bag from the storage compartment before she could get to it, which caused Shepard to frown and shake her head.

"I can carry my own stuff, Tali."

"Oh hush, you bosh'tet," the quarian replied with a lilt in her voice. "You're my guest, let me take care of you for once in your life."

"You have done more than enough the past few years Tali," Shepard said lightly, before shrugging and following her friend into the apartment complex.

Tali's apartment was small, but well-decorated according to quarian standards. Shepard had to grin at just how... _quarian_ it looked, with storage units everywhere to maximize space efficiency, while still managing to look like a high-end apartment on the New Citadel. Tali set down her N7 bag in her bedroom and walked back into the living area holding a purple bin of hair and makeup products.

"I was going to practice for tomorrow," she said with a blush in her hazy purple cheeks. "Could you maybe... help me out?" Shepard nodded with a somewhat anxious smile.

"Sure, but I have to warn you I'm not great with this stuff." Tali waved off her concern, dragging a chair from the kitchen into the bathroom.

"You'll be fine," Tali said reassuringly, gesturing for Shepard to take a seat first. Shepard looked up at her, dark eyebrows raised in question. "I want to get yours done first," she said immediately, turning Shepard to face the mirror. She pulled and twisted her hair into various shapes and arrangements, never fully satisfied with any of them. After an hour of wrangling with her long crimson locks, Tali sighed and gave up, moving to Shepard's face. Her view of the mirror was blocked for the half-hour that Tali was working, using various tools and brushes that Shepard had never seen before to paint cool creams and shadows onto her face. At one point she felt small dabs of liquid at her brows, and then Tali pressesd something small and hard against the liquid, holding it until whatever it was stuck to her satisfaction. When she was finally finished, she peered carefully at Shepard, making sure that there wasn't a single smudge or stroke out of place. A firm nod notified Shepard that she apparently looked satisfactory. She stood up slowly and Tali moved out of her way so that she could look in the mirror - Shepard gasped at the first glimpse of her face.

"It's another one of our traditions,"  Tali said quietly as she placed both hands on Shepard's shoulder and looked at her reflection in the mirror. "You're like family to me, and since I'm not going to stuff you into a suit this is the best way to show it. I've always said, having you around has been like having a sister. Now all of Rannoch will know just how much you mean to me."

"Oh Tali, it's gorgeous," Shepard replied, taking a step closer to the mirror. Tali had evened out her skin tone with some sort of cream makeup base, which hinted at just a tint of lavender if she turned her head the right way. Dark orchid-colored lines were drawn up and around her brows, almost identical to the markings on Tali's own face, complete with small silvery beads to match the little circles that dotted some of the lines. Tali had shaded Shepard's eyes with deeper shades of plum and a metallic ivory, giving her eyes an almost, well... _glowing_ appearance if she closed them. At this, Shepard chuckled lightly and shook her head.

"Well, I'd make for a hot quarian, don't you think?" Tali rolled her eyes and plopped down in the chair, pulling down her hood to expose her own thick, black hair that brushed just past her shoulders.

"Keelah, Shepard, it's about sisterhood, not making you look good. Although, I must admit," Tali added with a grin, "we would be a beautiful pair of sisters by quarian standards. Who knows, maybe one of the quarian men at the wedding will take a liking to your new look." Tali's eyebrows waggled suggestively, her full lips turned up in a mischievious grin, and Shepard threw her head back in a laugh.

"God, Tali, I hope not. No offense, but quarian men aren't really my cup of tea." Tali rolled her eyes and turned to face front in the chair.

"Well Keelah, Shepard, you fell for a turian, anything's possible now!" Shepard let a smirk cross her features before she picked up a hairbrush and began gently pulling through Tali's thick hair, occasionally stopping to look at quarian hair diagrams on her omnitool.

When they had finally reached a satisfactory look for both of them for the bonding ritual, both women wiped off the makeup and let their hair back down before changing into more comfortable clothes to sleep in. Tali had insisted that Shepard take the bed, but she had refused poiltely. Tali hadn't wanted to take no for an answer, but Shepard skirted around it by offering to stay up and watch Fleet and Flotilla on the vid screen. The two of them fell asleep halfway through the movie, their heads leaned against each other like two little girls at a sleepover.

#

"So Tali," Shepard said huskily as she stretched on the couch. Tali had already gotten up and begun preparing breakfast, levo pancakes and some dextro sausage-patty type of thing, and she turned from the stove top to face Shepard for a moment.

"Yes?"

"Why don't you and Zaal'Koris already live together? I thought you said your new house was almost completed." Tali shrugged and turned back to her cooking. "Is that another quarian thing?"

"No, it's just something we decided to wait on. This new home is a symbol of our new life together, I guess." Tali's voice was warm and happy, and Shepard had to grin at the love that her dearest friend had found.

"I think that's great, Tali," Shepard responded, pushing herself up off the couch and pressing careful fingers against the joints of her hips which were always sore in the mornings. She cursed herself briefly for forgetting her pain meds, but she knew that Garrus would bring extra for her just in case. The guy was always prepared, and it was just one of the endless reasons that she loved him so very much.

When they had finished eating, the two women packed up their clothes and Tali's various hair and makeup products into their duffel bags and took Tali's private transport cab to the Conclave Assembly Building, where the wedding was to take place. The sight of the new quarian architecture was both foreign and beautiful to Shepard's eyes, full of graceful angles and picturesque curves that still hinted at the efficiency of quarian designs. Tali led her into the elevator and up to another suite, where one of the building's staff had affixed a label bearing Tali's name to the door. Tali punched a few keys on the lock and it turned green, sliding open, and the two women started getting ready for the biggest day of Tali's life.


	15. A Wedding Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definitely some Shakarian fluff coming up in the next chapter! Dancing (or their best attempt at it), cuddles, all that goodness.

"You all right?" Joker said cautiously as Garrus eased out of the shuttle, placing his good leg on the ground of Rannoch's docking bay before slowly evening out his weight with the prosthetic. A sharp growl of discomfort escaped his chest, and Joker quickly passed Garrus his cane. The added support only eased the throbbing a little, but he was determined to work through this. Dr. Belen had advised against excessive walking, but like the bad turian he was Garrus wasn't about to sit down and let his aching prosthetic beat him into submission. He'd packed plenty of pain meds, both for himself and for Shepard (who somehow _still_ managed to forget her pain medications on long trips, even after all these years). Joker seemed to read his thoughts and nodded towards a refreshment stand, surrounded by unmasked quarians just coming back to or preparing to leave Rannoch. As they walked - very slowly - towards the refreshment stand, Joker gently elbowed Garrus and waggled his dark, bushy eyebrows.

"Man, who knew the quarians were such a good-looking bunch?" It was odd seeing Joker's white smile without his trademark facial hair - he had shaved it off after the surgery, though no one had really been able to get the reason out of the pilot. He'd insisted over and over again that he was just tired of it, but Shepard had theorized a couple of days ago that perhaps it was his way of moving on. Whatever the reason was, Joker looked easily twenty years younger without the scruff, and Garrus had to wonder whether or not Tali would even recognize him after so long. "I bet Tali's a hell of a looker under that mask of hers."

"Guess we'll find out soon," Garrus chuckled, just as his omnitool pinged loudly. He pulled up the glowing orange interface and opened up the messaging software.

 **_FROM:COUNCILLOR P.SHEPARD_ ** _[loc:rannoch]_

 **_TO:G.VAKARIAN_ ** _[loc:rannoch]_

 **_MESSAGE:_ ** _Just got to the Conclave Assembly Building with Tali. Not sure how long it will take us to get ready, but you might want to just come up here as soon as you can. I want to make sure she knows you're here before we get to all the partying. Can't wait til you get here. xx [timestamp:13:26]_

"I'll grab us a couple of drinks, you go ahead and grab a skycab," Garrus said to Joker, showing the pilot the coordinates that Shepard had attached to the message. Joker nodded and walked away, leaving Garrus to smile at the way that Joker's shoulders were straight and he didn't seem to be limping at all. The bone weave had done its job, restoring Joker almost to the point of full normal functioning. He still had to be careful, obviously, and he probably wouldn't ever be able to jump or sprint, but it was a huge improvement over where he'd been physically for decades now. Garrus hadn't failed to notice the way that Joker still moved carefully sometimes when sitting or standing, as though expecting a rib to snap at any moment. He'd already hurled a few jokes at Joker about being a half-robot, but he had stopped when he realized that when Joker laughed in response, his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

The loss of EDI had taken its toll every day, and Garrus still marveled at how Joker had managed to be there for him every night with omnitool calls back and forth from Shepard's cabin to the cockpit, even while Joker had been busy fighting his own demons. The day Liara had carried EDI's lifeless mobile platform through the airlock from outside the ship, he had heard Joker sobbing all night long and had done his damned best to console his friend, without letting his own keening sounds echo through the ship like they usually did every night. That day, the mourning had been for Joker. It had been Garrus's turn to console the pilot as best as he could through the voice interfaces on their omnitools - messages hadn't been enough to make either of them feel better after that. Liara had done her absolute best to keep their spirits up, but she was almost always exhausted after taking care of Kaidan in his delicate state, so they'd pretty much been left with each other to rely on for emotional support. In Joker, Garrus had found a close friend, which was something he had never quite expected upon first meeting the pilot all those years ago. He'd always seemed too sarcastic, never taking things quite seriously enough, but as they'd gotten to know each other more in the years since the Reapers, Garrus had come to understand that most of that was just a mask, to hide how concerned he was for the crew's, namely Shepard's, safety. It made sense, after all, that Joker would have been one of her best friends -  he'd been there since the very beginning, had watched her die, and been the first of their crew to rejoin her side after her resurrection. And he'd followed her to the end. Garrus had thanked Joker, over and over in the last seven years, for being there to watch out for Shepard when Garrus couldn't. The pilot had always nodded and smiled sadly, saying something about how he was glad Shepard had had somebody to love during the craze that was the Reaper War.

"Your drinks, sir?" Garrus blinked suddenly at the pink-skinned quarian standing beside him, holding out one bottle each of dextro and levo beer. Garrus nodded in thanks at her and she smiled warmly, before returning to her place behind the counter. Joker had already summoned the skycab and punched in the coordinates, so Garrus shot a quick message to Shepard that they were on their way. He got no response, and assumed that they were still in the midst of getting dressed (because, apparently, female preening was a universal phenomenon that always seemed to take far too long, no matter the species).

#

The loud knock at the door made Shepard jump in surprise, causing Tali to curse and wipe a smudge of pale lavender lip color from Shepard's lips with a slim, careful finger. She almost went to wipe it on the leg of her suit before realizing that she'd already dressed in her formal scarlet enviro-suit for the wedding, so she wiped it on Shepard's casual jumpsuit-clad knee instead. "Keelah, Shepard," she muttered, "you make this so much harder than it has to be."

"Let me get the door real quick," Shepard replied with a sheepish grin, before standing up and nearly skipping to the door.

"Who is it?" Tali asked as Shepard opened the door just a crack to confirm who their visitors were. She shut the door again for a brief moment, working incredibly hard to mask the grin on her face, and turned around to face Tali.

"Listen, Tali," she started, and the quarian instantly frowned and crossed her arms. Shepard put up her hands in a conciliatory gesture, waving them frantically. "No, no, it's nothing bad! I just... You know how I haven't been too great with responding to messages recently?"

Tali nodded, her brow furrowing in confusion. "Yeah, and? You're a Councilor, I don't expect you to reply right away all the time."

"Well, I brought part of the reason with me. Here, since I didn't know what to get you for a wedding present..." With a grand, dramatic gesture, she flung open the door to reveal Garrus and Joker, both dressed to the nines in species-appropriate formal wear. Tali's glowing eyes widened to the size of moons against her lilac face, just as her mouth lit up with a beaming smile. She didn't move other than that for nearly a whole minute, her slender face just frozen in surprise. When the shock began to subside, the quarian huffed out an incredulous laugh and put her hands to the side of her head in disbelief.

"Keelah, it's Garrus Vakarian! And Joker! How did you? When... _What?_ " The two men were smiling, each in their own way, and Shepard was a bit taken aback by Joker's freshly-shaved, youthful face. He let out a chuckle at her expression and ran a calloused hand across the smooth skin.

"Quite a change, huh?" Tali and Shepard nodded together, and Shepard barely had time to reply before Tali went barreling towards the two men with an elated squeal. She grabbed Joker first, wrapping her arms around his shoulders almost delicately and letting out a squeal of delight when he squeezed her shoulders tightly, laughing. "I'm not quite so fragile anymore Admiral, you can give me a real hug!" Tali did just that, hugging Joker for a long moment before stepping back and moving to hug Garrus. As the turian's long arms folded around Tali's slender frame, Tali let out a still-shocked laugh.

"How did you pull this off, Shepard?" she said, turning around to face Posey. "I mean, when did you find out they were alive?"

"We'll explain everything later, Tali." The answer seemed to satisfy the quarian for the time being and she turned back to the men, leaning in to press a quick kiss to both of their cheeks. Then, before Shepard could blink, Tali had hauled her arms back and slapped the both of them on their shoulders, glaring up at them.

"I can't believe you bosh'tets disappeared on me! I've - we've - been so worried about you! You better be making this up to me!" Garrus chuckled as he rubbed the spot where Tali had weakly slapped him.

"Well we're here at _your_ bonding ritual, Tali, and I promise," he added something like a wink directed at Shepard, "that I'll definitely be making it up to Councilor Shepard here later." Shepard felt a blush flare across her face and her knees weakened a little bit. They hadn't discussed any of... _that_ yet, because Shepard had wanted Garrus to be able to approach it in his own time. But now that she knew he was still open to the idea of it, her mind started racing with ideas and fond memories of the nights they'd spent together before. Joker just groaned and rolled his eyes, covering his forehead with a hand.

"Christ, Garrus," the pilot muttered. "A decade's gone by, and I _still_ don't want to hear about you and the Commander doing it."

"Strange bedfellows indeed," Shepard smirked, sending a wink of her own at her turian lover. Joker rolled his eyes again, turning to walk out the door. Tali turned to look at Garrus, and her eyes inadvertently wandered down to the gleaming metallic silver of the bottom of Garrus's prosthetic. The glowing orbs of her gaze flicked back up at him in uncertainty, and he just shook his head gently, putting both of his hands on her delicate shoulders.

"Like Shepard said, we'll explain later. Today is about you." A soft smile grace Tali's features again as Garrus pulled her in for another, longer hug. "You look beautiful, by the way," Garrus said with a friendly smile as they pulled apart. Tali snorted and playfully looked him up and down, before nodding her head once.

"You're such a flatterer, Garrus. Too bad Shepard got to you first, you're pretty cute yourself. I would've been all over you soon enough." They all shared a hearty laugh at that, Garrus most of all. As he and Joker left to go wandering around the building for a while, Tali looked at Shepard with a look that said she was nothing short of impressed.

"I still can't believe you kept them a secret. You're terrible at keeping secrets, and I had absolutely no idea." Shepard shrugged and grinned, returning to her seat so that Tali could continue with her makeup. Before the quarian could resume painting the orchid lines across Shepard's brows, though, she bit her lip and looked down at the floor.

"What's wrong, Tali?"

A grave silence floated down over the two of them as Tali contemplated what to say. Finally, she took a deep breath, but still avoided Shepard's eyes. "Did anyone else... make it out?" Shepard's shoulders sagged - this wasn't the news she had wanted to share with Tali today. This was a talk intended for another time, when Tali wasn't busy getting ready for the happiest day of her life.

"Yeah," Shepard said finally, heavily. "Kaidan and Liara made it back too. Kaidan's in Vancouver right now - he managed to track down his mom, with Liara's help. Liara's got a lot of stuff to work out with all of her old Shadow Broker contacts. She's not really sure where she stands with all that right now, and I have no idea where she actually went to take care of it. I'll let you know when they both get back, and you can come for another New Citadel visit." Tali nodded gratefully and dipped her brush back into the pot of orchid paint, resuming her mission of tracing perfect mirror images of the lines across  her face onto Shepard's own.

#

In a quarian bonding ritual, there was no familiar 'walking down the aisle' to classical quarian music for Tali or her bondmate. As it turned out, Shepard's role mostly consisted of escorting Tali from one of the chambers off the side of the Conclave Assembly Hall and up towards Shala'Raan, who had been chosen by both Tali and Zaal'Koris to acts as the officiate for the ceremony. A quarian that Shepard had never seen before was walking with Koris up the path parallel to theirs. Koris was dressed in a shimmering metallic enviro-suit very similar to the one Tali had on - swirled with patches of gold where hers was silver, but still the same shade of vibrant red in tribute to their fallen friend. When they reached Raan, the older quarian bowed her head with a proud smile. Tali nodded at Shepard, which was their signal for her to take a few steps back away from the couple (which she did so gladly - there were a lot of quarians in that room, and that meant that there was a lot of attention on the five figures at the front). From what information Tali had given Shepard about the ritual, it was meant to be extremely short and to the point - the essence of the quarian people, really. This statement proved true when Shala'Raan immediately cleared her throat, and began the ritual. Her gravelly voice echoed throughout the chamber, still muffled by the mask of an enviro-suit that none of these people really needed anymore. Tali had said something about traditions, and wanting to uphold what they'd known for so long. Shepard didn't mind - she was still more used to seeing Tali with her mask on rather than off, and it always stunned her a little when she was reminded of just how beautiful her closest friend was behind that hazy purple cloud.

"Thank  you all for joining us today," Raan's voice called out to the crowd, her hands reaching for one of Zaal's and one of Tali's hands to bring them together gently. " In light of your love and respect of each other, in front of this assembly here gathered you may now connect your suits as you have connected your souls." A little stir of warmth ran through Shepard at the sweetness of the words. Delicately, Zaal'Koris and Tali'Zorah wrapped their long, slender fingers around each others' wrists as a small port on each of their forearms opened up with a soft whirring of air. In the information guide, Shepard had read that coughing, sneezing, or slight nausea was to be expected when linking suits for the first time, but everyone was well aware that they had already linked their suits long ago, not to mention the geth enhancements that had since then rendered the enviro-suits nearly useless. There was a long pause in the hall, silent save for the quiet hum of the suits linking together. As the buzzing subsided, there was a soft 'ping' like that of an omnitool, and even beneath the mask it was clear that a glowing smile had stretched its way across Admiral Raan's face. She nodded once at the lovers in front of her.

"And now, I invite you as lovers and as equals, partaking of the same breath, the same soul, and the same soil of our homeworld, to remove your masks and gaze upon the face of your bondmate." The way Koris's hand paused as it brushed the glass of Tali's mask was so tender and soft, Shepard had to blink away a tear. As she looked out over the huge crowd of quarian high-society members and childhood friends of both Koris and Tali, her eyes caught Garrus looking right at her. He winked - _when had he learned to do that?_ \- and his mandibles flared in a huge grin. She winked right back, feeling a blush creep across her cheeks.

A soft pop and a hiss of air pulled her back to the ceremony, as Tali used both hands to remove Koris's facemask. He and Tali set the masks on a small pedestal behind them.They were both beaming now, gazing at each other like nothing else ever had or ever would matter as much as this moment did. Shepard hadn't yet had the chance to see Zaal'Koris without a mask, but when he revealed his face she could see why Tali would find him attractive. He had the same slender facial structure that was typical of quarians, but his eyes glowed more of an indigo than Tali's own violet. The shade of his skin was like a deep plum, the markings on his face outlined in stark white and extending down over his cheeks where Tali's ran over her brows. Where Tali's hair was a rich, deep brown, Koris's was so black that it seemed to almost have a sheen of blue beneath it. It fell in soft waves in a sort of tousled mess, brushing across his forehead as he bent down to briefly kiss Tali. 

Tali tossed a radiant smile over her shoulder at her aunt, and then took Koris's right hand in her left and turned to face the gathered crowd. Raan said in a grand, almost excited voice, "It is my honor as an Admiral, to present these two to the public as Captain Zaal'Koris vas Qwib Qwib and Grand Admiral Tali'Koris vas Normandy, life partners at last. _Keelah se'lai!_ "

A huge cheer of echoed " _Keelah se'lai!_ " erupted throughout the hall as Zaal'Koris pressed his forehead to Tali's temple, and she smiled.  Shepard's heart beat a little faster when she caught Garrus's eye once again and he nodded at her with a knowing flick of his mandible that she recognized as his closest approximation of a mischievous smile. She tilted her head a little bit, unsure of what he meant by the gesture, but he just mouthed 'Later' and she let it go for now. At this moment, she was happy to bask in the glow of her friend's joy. And besides, she knew that the party that was about to happen was going to be something else, if anything Tali had said was true. It was going to be a night to remember.


	16. Not Another Tango

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promised fluff - there is no cuddling until next chapter, but have some Shakarian dancing.

Garrus had been pleasantly surprised to see just how well quarian-style clothing fit Shepard's body. He made a mental note to send a thank-you letter to that asari designer she had mentioned ( _What was her name again? Neera? Nyrah? Something like that..._ ) as soon as he got back to the Citadel (and as soon as he and Shepard had gotten some real alone time). Shepard hadn't said anything to Garrus himself about the weight she had gained over the years, but he knew from the way that she always went into the bathroom now to change her clothing that she did not appreciate the way her body had changed since the Reaper War. He wasn't about to bring it up unless she seemed ready to talk about it, but he wouldn't lie to her - he _definitely_ appreciated the changes. The subtle sway of her rounder hips as she escorted Tali to the front of the Assembly Chamber made his mind go places that it really shouldn't have been going during any sort of important ceremony, and he had to fight to keep a straight face when Shepard's heavily made-up eyes had met his own during the bonding ritual. Joker had tried his best to teach Garrus how to blink one eye in a gesture that was apparently meant to be flirtatious to humans. Garrus wasn't sure if his gesture came across correctly to Shepard, because her eyebrow just quirked in confusion, but he was determined to make up for seven years' worth of lost time by flirting the night away if he had to. Among other things.

When the ritual was over, the crowd immediately began to disperse into the Grand Hall where the real party was to be held. The room was beautiful - all vaulted ceilings, ivory walls with silver drapings, and a huge ring of curved tables that surrounded a round area in the center of the ballroom. Garrus had to laugh at the indication that there was to be dancing tonight - it had been so long since he'd been able to poke fun at Shepard for her terrible dancing. Not that he'd been much better,  but he would never admit that to her.

Besides, he wasn't entirely sure how dancing was going to go with his new prosthetic. He'd brought along extra pain meds besides the ones he took just before the ceremony began, but he began to wonder if it would be enough to keep up with Shepard and the always-energetic Tali. Perhaps Shepard would take it easy on him. _Ha!_ Just the idea of Shepard slowing down for anyone, even him, seemed incredibly unlikely. Oh well, if the pain got too terrible, he knew that Shepard wouldn't hesitate to escort him back to their hotel room. On second thought, why were they even going to the party? Maybe he should just feign out on the pain right now, to skip ahead to part he was most excited about. The last few weeks, he had been uncertain about where Shepard was and wanted to be physically. Her comments the previous day, however, had reassured him that she was still interested in that aspect of their relationship.

The thought of that kind of reunion brought up other questions in his mind, though. _Had she seen other people while he was gone? Had she..._ Not that it would be a huge problem for him; he completely understood if she had. He wasn't Kaidan - he didn't expect her to forego all romance when he was presumably dead. No matter what she had been up to, he would still follow her to the ends of the galaxy, and he knew that she would do the same for him.

Even so, he wasn't sure that he wanted to know what - or who - she'd been doing in his absence. Those were questions for far down the road, when he had fully recovered and everything had settled back down. But when had things ever settled down for them? Surely something was bound to come up before long, some huge new threat that Shepard would of course be called upon to deal with. _Later,_ he thought to himself, as he sensed unwelcome cynicism creeping into his mind.  _Enjoy where you are right now._

He felt a soft hand, with too many and yet just the right number of fingers, entwine with his own and he looked down to see Shepard's quarian-esque face peering up at him with a dazzling smile. As they followed the crowd into the Grand Hall, Joker walking along behind them, Garrus pressed a mandible to her temple in a silent gesture that he was glad they were there. It was an incredible thing, seeing Tali so happy with someone like Koris. _Definitely_ a story that he'd have to hear later.

Their seats - or Shepard's at least - had already been marked with a small silver place card in flowing quarian script, with what looked like her name in a human language written delicately beneath it. She was to be sitting right next to Tali, of course, but Garrus fidgeted awkwardly for a moment when he realized that he wasn't really sure of where he was supposed to take a seat. A sprinkle of light laughter turned his head as Tali appeared beside him, removing the two place cards to Shepard's right and handing them to a quarian who appeared to be a part of the waiting staff for the reception. The male quarian sauntered off to relocate the two names, and Tali motioned for Garrus and Joker to sit in the newly-vacant places. Garrus, of course, took the place directly to Shepard's right, but it took him a long moment to ease down into the low-backed (and thankfully low-backed as well, so he didn't have to worry about his fringe) chair, even with Shepard's help. Her eyes flickered in concern as an unbidden growl rumbled out of his chest when the knee of his prosthetic bumped against the table. He just shook his head at her and squeezed her hand gently, sighing in relief when his body finally settled into the gentle curve of the chair and he was able to stretch out his legs. Joker took the cane from him and laid it on the floor beneath his feet, to keep it out of the way of the waiters who had suddenly begun swarming the hungry guests with drinks and plates of quarian food. As a white-clad server walked by with two fizzing glasses of quarian champagne, Tali flagged him down and asked him to retrieve their finest bottles of levo wine. Shepard protested the extra effort on their behalf, but Joker smiled and gave Tali an appreciative thumbs up as the amused waiter set down the champagne in front of Tali and Zaal.

"No emergency induction port, Tali?" Garrus said, looking at his old friend with as serious an expression as he could manage. Glowing violet eyes glared back at him, playfully narrowed.

"Garrus! We do not speak of that anymore!" Garrus fought a chuckle, until Zaal'Koris turned a confused gaze to them, his dark black brow quirked in question. Tali glared at both Garrus, who had managed to keep an incredibly straight face despite himself, and Shepard, who was barely containing her laughter at this point and wouldn't dare look Tali in the eyes.

"What...." Koris cleared his throat nervously, looking back and forth between his bondmate and Garrus. "What exactly is an 'emergency induction port'?"

"Do _not_. Say. A _word_." Tali's threat was only halfhearted, but Garrus was ready to leave it well enough alone until Koris leaned in, pressed a gentle kiss to Tali's temple, before speaking to her quietly in that thick, proper-sounding quarian accent of his.

"Come on, my love. It can't be that bad. What's the joke?" Tali groaned and put her forehead against the table in defeat, throwing up a hand at Garrus in permission to tell the story. He did so with gusto, letting Shepard tell some of the funnier parts that he couldn't quite remember. The longer the two went on with regaling the various instances of Tali getting intoxicated, the more Koris was laughing until he finally had to hold up a hand for them to stop, so that he might try to catch his breath. Tali, good-natured as ever, endured the stories with as much dignity as possible by slinking down in her chair until only her eyes were visible over the table, looking as much like a child as she had when Shepard had first picked the girl up on her Pilgrimage. Garrus was relieved to see that sliver of childishness, something so distinctly Tali, so much a part of her innocence and compassion and enthusiasm, still visible in the playful gleam of her eyes even as she endured the relentless teasing.  

Their storytelling was cut short when a loud, shrill chime came from the center of the room. The two pairs of lovers and Joker (who by this point was well into his third drink, and relishing the fact that his cybernetics handled alcohol _very_ well) looked up to see Admiral Raan, her facemask now removed, standing in the midst of the now-silent crowd, holding a tall silver glass in one hand and waving to get everyone's attention with the other. "If you will all find your seats now," she said, loud enough for everyone to hear over the sudden shuffle of feet and boots and high-heels towards the ring of tables and chairs around the central dance floor. When the majority of the guests had cleared the center space, Raan walked slowly, elegantly, towards Tali and Zaal with a brilliant smile plastered across her mauve-tinted grey face . She extended a hand towards them and gestured for them to stand up, and they crossed together through one of the gaps in the ring of tables and into the central space. Raan left the middle of the circle, and Tali and Zaal looked briefly at each other with dazzling smiles before turning to their guests. Zaal spoke first, draping his arm around Tali's impossibly slim waist and pulling her close to his side.

"What a great honor it is to have you all, our friends and families, gathered here today to celebrate this momentous occasion with us. It's been so good to see all of your faces amongst the crowd, and both Tali and I hope that we at least get the chance to speak with each of you briefly before we all must go our separate ways at the end of the night. However, we've got quite a while before this party is over, so I encourage you all to eat, drink, and enjoy yourselves as much as possible. Should you - "

He was interrupted by Tali, who said with a lighthearted chuckle, "Try not to enjoy yourselves too much though, everyone. We all know how a select few of you - I'm not pointing any fingers, Han'Gerrell - tend to act when you've had a little too much to drink. There are extra hotel rooms reserved for those of you who do not feel capable of traveling back to your homes by the end of the night, and skycars have already been arranged to take you to the appropriate hotel, free of charge.  Like my _bondmate_ said," she continued with a grin and extra emphasis on the new term, "we are so glad that all of you could make it. It has honestly been an incredible surprise to see some of you here" - as she said this, she turned her body to face Shepard, Garrus, and Joker - "and it has made this day even more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. Now, I'll stop talking because we all know how long-winded I can get, so I'll let Zaal finish this speech up." Zaal pressed another gentle kiss into Tali's hair and smiled.

"Thank you, my love. Again, we are so glad to have you all here, especially our honored guests." Garrus felt Shepard cringe at his side and squeeze his hand tightly as Zaal held out a hand towards the three of them. Joker's eyes went wide as he realized that _they_ were who Zaal was referring to, and he slowly set down the newly-refilled glass of dark levo alcohol. "Ladies and gentlemen, a quick round of applause for Councilor Shepard, her partner Garrus Vakarian, and their colleague, Mr. Jeff Moreau. I hope you all get the chance to stop by and speak with them tonight as well, because I can assure you all that they are quite fascinating. Now, everyone get back to your drinks and carry on with your fun!" The room erupted in applause as Zaal finished speaking, and Raan sauntered back out towards them. The three of them bowed their heads together briefly in an unheard conversation before Raan nodded and pulled up her omnitool. She pressed a myriad of buttons as she walked back out of the circle, and Zaal and Tali turned to face each other, their right hands pressed together and held up in the air between them.

Before Garrus had time to wonder what was going on, a gentle breeze of music had stirred up from hidden speakers above them. The room instantly grew silent once more as the notes of a human instrument - a harp, if he recalled correctly - drifted into the still air, all eyes focused on the lovers at the center. They began a slow dance, walking around each other gracefully with light and delicate steps. Every few steps they would switch directions and hands, swirling over and around and beside each other and moving so effortlessly that Garrus had to question where Tali had learned to dance like this - she certainly hadn't been much of a dancer at Shepard's party on the Citadel during the War. Perhaps she'd taken lessons or something. Or, just perhaps, she'd managed to grow up even more from the bubbly young woman he had met a decade ago to the regal, composed woman now dancing with her bondmate.

"Hey, Posey," he whispered quietly, leaning over to press his  mouth close to her ear. She jerked away with a surprised gasp as his breath tickled her ear, but he put a hand on her arm to keep her close. "You want to dance?" Other pairs of quarians, salarians, and even a few other turians were now joining the couple on the dance floor, twirling in graceful spins to the beat of the romantic music. Shepard's eyes were wide as she looked back up at him.

"Are you nuts?" she hissed, glancing nervously from him to the dance floor and back again. His mandibles twitched, fighting a smile, and he reached under his chair to grab his cane before she could protest. As he stood up slowly, Joker let out a cheer of encouragement, and Shepard's face fell as she realized that there was no way to get out of it now. After sitting for quite some time, Garrus's prosthetic wasn't hurting but a little, and he decided to act on his moment of confidence and placed the cane back in Joker's hands. Shepard's eyebrows quirked up in question, but Garrus just smirked and grabbed her hand, leading her out onto the floor. At this her lavender eyes, rimmed with shimmering eyeshadow and white eyeliner, shot wide open and a blush crept across her cheeks.

"No, no, no you don't. Not this again." Garrus twitched his mandibles in amusement and gently pulled her close, one of his hands at the small of her back and the other taking her free hand the way he'd done on the Citadel so long ago.

"No tango this time, I promise," he breathed in her ear, and as he pulled away to look at her face she rolled her eyes and smirked, shaking her head.

"You'll pay for this," she muttered, reaching up to put her left hand over his shoulder.

"Promises, promises." Shepard opened her mouth to reply, but was silenced when Garrus swung her around suddenly. Her face twisted momentarily  into a pained expression. He slowed them to a stop and moved his hand from her waist to her chin, tilting her face up to look at him. "Are you okay?" She simply nodded with an unconvincing smile, brushing her fingers across his mandible lightly.

"Just my hip, it's no big deal."

"I have your pain meds, if you need them." He couldn't stifle the concerned rumbling of his subvocals, but he knew that she couldn't really hear them unless he wanted her to. "Or we can sit down, if you want." Shepard shook her head vigorously, frowning and returning her hand to his shoulder.

"Hell no, Garrus. I'm fine. If it gets bad, I'll let you know. Is your leg feeling okay still?" If he was being honest, a sharp throbbing had started up at the base of his amputation, but he wasn't about to end this moment they were having. Not after so long away from her. He shook his head briefly before pressing his forehead to hers, closing his eyes peacefully.

"I've never felt better." He felt rather than saw the smile that graced her features, and he returned a turian grin of his own as he heard the music around them beginning to steadily pick up the pace.

She let out an indignant squeak but held on to him as the music  transitioned from a sweet romantic waltz into something that the entire party could recognize as an invitation onto the dance floor. As more and more people flooded onto the floor, Garrus pressed Shepard closer to him, feeling her hum in approval and tighten her grip on his hand. "I've missed this," he said as quietly as he could over the loud music. She looked up at him and smiled, the corners of her orchid-painted lips turning up.

"Me too, Garrus. I'm so glad you're here." He didn't miss the way her voice cracked just slightly, but he didn't mention it to her. If her human hearing had been attuned to his subvocals, she would have heard the bittersweet thrumming that coursed through his whole body. As she stood up on her tiptoes for a moment, Garrus took the opportunity to press his mouth plates gently against her own velvet-soft lips, purring loud enough for her to both hear and feel. After a long moment, he broke away and pressed his forehead to hers again, whispering.

"I'll always be here, Posey. I promise. You'll never be alone again."

At his words, she sighed and laid her head against the side of his keelbone, closing her eyes and letting him rock her back and forth to no particular beat. "I love you, Garrus Vakarian."

"I love you too. I always will."


	17. OSD

By the time the skycar arrived at the hotel, Garrus and Shepard had both fallen fast asleep, their heads leaning against each other and their hands intertwined tightly. Joker hesitated to disturb their peace, having not seen Garrus's face looking so relaxed in all his time knowing the turian. But he knew that waking them up now would make both of them far less grumpy than if he simply left them in the skycar, so he gently nudged Garrus with his elbow. There was a soft stirring and some grumbling as Garrus's eyes slid open, taking in his position between a sleeping Shepard and a smirking Joker. The former pilot opened his door and eased out of the car, walking around to the back to grab Garrus's cane while the turian dared to awake the great Commander Shepard from her deep slumber. Garrus had to rely heavily on his cane for support as he stood up outside the car, stretching his long, slender limbs and grimacing at the stiffness in his amputated leg.  When Joker opened the door on Shepard's side, she murmured sleepily at him as he reached down to help her up. Her arms wrapped weakly around his once-fragile neck and he smirked at her child-like drowsiness. He bent down and gently grabbed her waist, pulling her out of the car carefully so as not to hit her head on the door frame. Garrus looked at him groggily to make sure that he could support Shepard, and then he limped towards the hotel, with Joker and a stumbling Shepard close behind.

As soon as Joker had helped Shepard to sit down on the bed in her and Garrus's hotel room, he brought them both a glass of water and a dose of their respective pain medications, knowing from his own experiences that if they didn't take them now they'd regret it in the morning. He then excused himself with a huge, shaky yawn and headed to his room four doors down. With weary limbs he started unbuttoning his tuxedo jacket, laying it gently on the back of the chair at the desk so he'd have less ironing to do before he returned it to the rental company. When he went to remove the trousers, though, he froze as he went to empty his pockets. His fingers brushed against the thin, flat square that he'd stowed away earlier that day - the one that he'd always kept with him, ever since Liara had found it. He'd had enough to drink earlier on in the night that, during the party, he hadn't really felt that familiar ache in his chest. But now that he was sobering up, it was coming back all too quickly. Joker sighed in defeat and opened the doors leading out to his balcony, bracing himself against the cool Rannoch breeze.  His arms trembled with weariness as he leaned against the railing, pressing his forehead to the cool metal to collect his thoughts. Then, with shaking hands, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the little square. The OSD was still in good shape, a little shiny from Joker constantly brushing his thumb over its surface but none the worse for wear because of that. He hesitated to turn it over, knowing that, as soon as he did, his heart would break for the thousandth time and it would feel like every bone in his body was shattering all over again. He wouldn't be able to breath, to even think for a few seconds. That's what always happened. But he'd come to cherish that pain, because it meant that everything he remembered had been real. She'd been real, and she'd been alive, to him more than anyone.

As he turned the OSD over in his hands, the little stretch of masking tape with her name written on it in Liara's bold handwriting made every nerve in his body brace for the pain he knew was coming. **_EDI_**. Liara had never told him exactly what she had put on this OSD - how much of EDI it actually contained, if it actually held any of her personality matrix. Perhaps she'd just put all of the Normandy's base operating programs on it to preserve the technology. _Who cares_ , he thought to himself with a bitter cough. _It's not like there's anything we can do about it now._ He had submitted himself to this agony long ago, knowing that he wasn’t ever getting EDI back. But he sure as hell wasn't ever going to find someone else - that much he was sure of.

The day that Liara had ventured out of the Normandy for the first time on that stupid planet where they'd crash-landed, Joker hadn't even bothered to ask what she'd found when she came back on the ship and slumped into the copilot's seat. EDI's seat. He hadn't been able to see her face, so he couldn't read her expression. But then, after a long moment of silence, she had turned towards him and he was taken aback by the shimmer of tears in her eyes and the saltwater trails down her cheeks.

"What's wrong, Liara? What did you find?"

She couldn't even speak. Instead, she stood up slowly and walked back towards the airlock, out of Joker's line of sight for a few seconds. He heard the scrape of metal-on-metal, and his blood ran cold. He wasn't capable of turning his chair around by himself, not in his current condition, but he didn't need to. Liara's hands clasped the back of his chair tightly, before resting on his shoulders and giving them a gentle squeeze.

"I found her, Joker." She turned his chair around, agonizingly slow, and Joker wished more than anything that she would just turn him back around as soon as he saw EDI's body. If he'd had more to eat than half of a rations bar, he would have retched then and there. It wasn't that she looked damaged - in fact, quite the opposite. She looked perfectly fine. Hardly a scratch on her. But the radio silence on the Normandy had been the only indicator they needed to realize that something was wrong with EDI. Very wrong. And seeing her body - her mobile platform, whatever - here on the ground, looking more synthetic than the little blue orb that used to represent her physical presence... That's a pain that he was never going to forget, he had known it from that moment on. Liara had laid her down at the top of the small staircase that led down towards the cockpit. Her eyes were closed peacefully, her arms folded down across her torso as if she were cold.

In that moment, Joker hated the fact that Liara had strapped him into the safety harness to prevent him from trying to move around on his own. He wanted to fall to the ground, shattered bones be damned, and gather EDI up in his arms and cradle her close to him. It took everything he had not to scream out in pain, but there was nothing he could do to stop the tears that came flooding down his scruffy cheeks.

"Wh-where.... Where was she?" He cursed inwardly as his voice cracked, threatening to make him lose any semblance of composure that he had left at that point.

"When we landed, we must have hit a large tree or rock or something. It badly damaged the hull in the AI core. She... I don't know why she was there, Joker, but I'm guessing she'd fallen out through the hole left by that damage. I found her about a hundred meters away. If you want, I could - " Joker held up a hand to silence her, rubbing at his eyes with the other hand to push the tears back as much as he could.

"I'm so, so sorry, Joker." Liara's voice was a whisper as she knelt down beside his chair, pressing her forehead gently against his arm as she rubbed his shoulder with a hand. "I know how much you cared for her." He just shook his head slowly, turning away from both Liara and EDI. Liara understood the body language - she sighed and pressed a soft kiss to his baseball cap, and then turned his chair back around so he didn't have to watch her pick EDI's body up to move it elsewhere.

Liara had worked tirelessly every day, between keeping up with the men's injuries and trying to figure out how to fix EDI and, subsequently, the Normandy. And Joker respected how hard she had worked, he really did. But he couldn't help but feel some resentment towards her - where was all that expert knowledge when he truly needed it? For the longest time, he'd been so bitter towards Liara, and now that they were back home he felt awful every time he looked at her. She'd never been anything less than civil towards him after that, trying her best to care for him and trying to get him to talk about things, but he never wanted to talk to her about any of that. With Kaidan effectively in a coma, Garrus had been Joker's only friend aboard the Normandy for the last seven years - the only person that he ever confided in. And it had taken a major toll on his once-strong friendship with Liara.

As he slipped the OSD labeled **_EDI_** back into his pocket, he sighed and brushed his fingers against one of its corners for a few more seconds. He then pulled up a picture on his omnitool - the one they'd all taken together, at Shepard's apartment. The sheer number of people in the photo that were no longer alive threatened to crumble his emotional barricade once again. His heart grew still as he glanced at himself in the picture, staring at EDI like nothing else in the world had mattered then. Which was true - by that point, she'd been everything to him. He had liked to think that he was that important to her, too. That she'd maybe rearranged her systems' priorities to include him somewhere close to the top. After all, he'd overheard her saying to Shepard that'd she would have "risked nonfunctionality for him"... And here he was, alive, with nothing but a thin OSD in his pocket to prove that she'd once existed as more than a glowing blue AI bubble on a stealth warship.

It had taken Liara at least a year to diagnose all of the problems within the Normandy's operating systems, and even then she had never figured out how to get EDI back. She had completely understood his lack of enthusiasm on the day when, almost five years later, she had dashed into the cockpit triumphantly, stating that she had figured out how to get the ship online without requiring EDI's assistance. But, that was also the day that she had finally managed to upload whatever files she could onto the OSD that now nestled like an anchor in his pocket, weighing him down. Joker had snapped at her when she gave him the OSD, when she explained that it was 'the best she could do'. He'd been awful to her, he realized. _Really, really awful._

 _I have to apologize,_ he thought with a firm conviction. _This wasn't her fault, and it wasn't her responsibility. I'll make this right, somehow._ With that in mind, Joker switched off his omnitool after gazing at the picture for another few moments. He wiped his eyes dry, took in a huge breath of crisp Rannoch air, and retreated back into his room to make some attempt at sleep.

#

_Please, not this again._

_His hand stretches out after her, and his throat is too tight to even manage to cry out her name as she gives him one last longing look before turning to sprint away towards the blinding column of light. Her crimson hair is completely disheveled, falling out of her bun because she_ still _couldn't be bothered to wear a helmet, even in the biggest battle they'd ever faced. That familiar blue-violet glow flashes around her body as she sets off a singularity, firing off a warp quickly after to dispatch the group of cannibals that she'd caught in her biotics._

She's going to make it, _he thinks with an elated gasp. She's never made it this far before in these nightmares. But then, he hears that noise that has always chilled both him and her to the bone, ever since the first time they'd heard it while investigating Leviathan._

_The scream of a banshee rips through the air, and he sees Shepard stumble in surprise before turning around frantically to find the source of the sound. His visor shows the spike in her heart rate, the shooting of adrenaline through her veins as she finally locates the nightmare creature. Lightning-fast, she locks her pistol back to her hip and whips out the Black Widow sniper rifle she was so incredibly fond of. But it is too late - the banshee has already gotten too close, there was never going to be enough time for her to take that thing down before it got to her._

_Her eyes grow wide as a spindly, dead hand closes around her throat and lifts her into the air. Even from here, Garrus can hear her choking scream and his blood runs colder than it ever has before. He wants to look away, would give anything to not have to see this like he has a thousand times before. But his head will not turn, his eyes will not close as the horrendous creature lets out another bone-shattering cry and runs its claws clean through Shepard. His Shepard. He knows that he, logically, shouldn't be able to see her expression from this far away, but this nightmare apparently comes with a pre-equipped zoom-in lens, which focuses with heart-wrenching clarity on the light fading from her terrified eyes, their color fading from that vibrant lavender that he adored to a dull, lifeless grey. He does not miss the way her mouth slowly goes slack, the blush of rage beneath her freckled cheeks fading in extreme slow-motion._

_He feels a horrified scream rip from his chest as her body, looking all too small next to the towering, murderous creature, goes limp. Liara and Kaidan are both grasping his arms with all of their strength, holding him back. He cannot breathe, cannot move, cannot think as Shepard's lifeless body slides sickeningly off of the banshee's claws as it moves on to its next victim._

Garrus's eyes snapped wide open and he drew in a panicked breath, taking in the darkness around him. A cool presence at his side, nestled close against him, brought him back to the present and he took a deep, shuddering breath to calm his pounding heart. She was here, and she was safe. Taking extra care not to wake her, he gently extricated himself from Shepard's embrace and the tangled bedsheets, rubbing his eyes with one hand as he sat up on the edge of the bed. The stump of his left leg was aching dully, but not enough for him to take another dose of pain medications. He'd fought through far worse pain many times. With a big sigh, he picked his cane up off the floor and used it to stand up on his good leg, shaking unsteadily for a moment before regaining his balance. His prosthetic was only a few feet away, but he decided that it wasn't worth the effort of reattaching it right now, so he hobbled at a painstakingly slow pace across the impossibly dark room, feeling in front of him with his hands in an attempt not to run into anything. When he stepped out onto the balcony, the night air on Rannoch was much cooler than the artificial atmosphere of the Citadel, and he shivered for a moment as chills worked their way across the sensitive skin between the plates of his unclothed torso. As he finally adjusted to the breeze, he leaned on the railing and took in the moon-lit skyline of Rannoch's capitol. The nightmare jammed its way back into his thoughts, and he shuddered again, but not from the cold.

He'd seen all this before, far too many times over the last seven years. Nearly every night that they'd been stranded on that Spirits-be-damned planet. The nightmares had stopped when he was reunited with Shepard, so why was this one coming back now?

 _I thought the nightmares would end_ , he thought as he gripped the railing so tightly that his knuckles ached with the pressure. _She's here, and we're safe. It's over now. It's over._

"Spirits, help me," he muttered into the soft breeze blowing its way across the landscape.

"Are you all right?" The soft voice behind him caused him to look over his shoulder, his gaze softening when he saw Posey padding towards him with silent footsteps. She'd fallen asleep wearing nothing but an old t-shirt that was far too large for someone so petite, and her hair was still in that braided style from the bonding ritual but tendrils had escaped at every point. In all her sleepy perfection, there was no semblance of her refined councilor self, and Garrus had to smile at that. He knew that she could still see the sadness and anxiety in his eyes and the way his mandibles pulled tight against his face, but she didn't say a word about it. She simply wrapped her arms around the front of his waist, pressing her cool forehead against the plates of his back and humming quietly. She knew that her little hums and growls never really meant anything in his language, but the sound was still soothing to him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head slowly and placed his hands over hers, running his thumb over the backs of her hands. She unwrapped herself from around him and gently pulled on his elbow, nodding towards the darkness of their room. "Come back to bed. It's been a long day." Not having the strength to resist, he wrapped his left arm around her shoulder and let her half-support him as they limped back towards the bed. Shepard took his cane and laid it back down on the floor, just far enough out of his reach that she would have to get it if he tried to get up again. He went to protest, but she just held up a hand to silence him as she crawled up to sit against the headboard. She waved him over and he just laughed quietly, obliging her request. It felt like nothing had changed, like no time had passed since the last time that he had just laid his head in  her lap, purring quietly as her fingers traced up and down his crest. He wrapped his arms around her legs, drawing her as close to him as he could, and even after only a few moments he felt his heart rate slowing down from its nightmare-induced panic.

As he focused on the steadiness of her breathing and the brush of her fingertips down his fringe, he heard a sound that he'd never heard from her before. A quiet rendition of a song he didn't recognize floated through the air as Shepard leaned back and closed her eyes, singing quietly and massaging his fringe in tempo with the song. He blinked in surprise and sat up for a moment, looking up at her.

"You didn't tell me you could sing."

Even in the dark, he knew that there was a strawberry blush creeping across her freckled face. "Well, there was never much of a chance to on the _Normandy_ ," she said sheepishly. Then, in a more somber tone, "Not really much of a reason to, either."

"So that karaoke night with the crew after we took down Sovereign, you lied just to get out of it?" She chuckled quietly and patted his head for a moment.

"Of course I did, I wasn't about to embarrass myself in front of all of you. I'm not very good by human standards. My... my sister, back on Mindoir. She was the artistic one in the family. She could sing like no-one's business, I swear. She was just twelve when everything happened, but there had already been talent scouts coming by to look at her."

Garrus found her chin in the dark and traced his thumb over it, brushing against her lips to silence her. "I think you sound beautiful," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her knee. She hummed thoughtfully and he heard her shift against the headboard. "Please, will you keep singing? What was that song, anyway?"

"Just an old Earth tune," she admitted, resuming her ministrations to his crest and fringe. As she continued singing, Garrus smiled to himself and nestled closer to her, relishing in the coolness of her skin compared to his always-warm plates. As his breathing, heart rate, and thought processes slowed, her voice grew softer and softer until she was just humming the same melody, over and over. He didn't know how long they'd been lying there, but he eventually drifted off into a blissfully dreamless sleep, with the melody of her song floating in his mind like a star to banish the shadows of his fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that it is not normal to see an infiltrator class-Shepard with very powerful biotics, but I just really like the combo. Indulge my headcanon, if you will. :-)


	18. Adoption Offers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooooh, LORDY has it been a crazy few weeks! I've had finals galore, projects, papers, and packing to go home from college to boot. I'm so sorry this has been such a long time coming, but I will give you a little bit of good news to go along with this long-awaited new chapter! I have planned out most of the next few chapters, so for a while things should be getting updated much quicker.  
> Thank you all for sticking with this! I've enjoyed writing it immensely, and I'm so glad there are others out there who take time out of their day to read it and leave kudos & (especially) comments. You guys make my day! 
> 
> NOTE: The beginning of this chapter gets a liiiiiiittle steamy, so I'm tagging it NSFW *just* to be safe. Nothing graphic, I promise. Just want to give you all a heads up.

It had been far too long since Shepard had woken up with an all-too-warm turian pressed at her back, his arm wrapped over her waist and his nose nudged against the back of her hair. She smiled as her eyes slowly opened, still burning with sleepiness. Rather than trying to move, she lay quiet and still, relishing in the sounds of Garrus's slow and even breathing behind her. His carapace pressed gently into her back with every inhale, and every exhale brought the warmth of his breath tickling against her neck. With a hearty yawn she rolled over, pressing a kiss to his nose before burying her face as comfortably as she could inside his cowl. She felt more than heard the low grumble that meant Garrus was waking up, turning almost instantly to a purr when she began to press gentle kisses against the side of his sensitive neck.

"G'morning," Garrus rumbled in her ear, as his long slender arm slid up her side to wrap around her shoulders and draw him even closer to her. Shepard smiled against his neck, before continuing her gentle line of kisses up to his throat. As her lips brushed against the tip of mandible, she let the tip of her tongue sweep ever so slightly against the sensitive underside. The tightening of his grip around her combined with the way his hips shifted suddenly gave her all the permission she needed to continue. She worked her way along the bottom of his jaw, feeling his pleased hums every time she pressed her lips against him. When her lips drew close enough to his mouth, he drew his head down even with hers and pressed his mouth plates against her lips gently, leaving a lingering kiss there before pressing his forehead against hers in that tender gesture she'd been missing for far too long.

"Good morning yourself," she whispered hoarsely, her throat still constricted from sleep. She smiled at the touch of his forehead against hers, and before she knew it he was kissing her again, but with more fervor than a moment ago. His long, slender tongue parted her lips and worked its way in to dance with her own shorter one, setting off a spark of heat that she hadn't felt in a very long time. Everything began moving very quickly then, as one of her legs nudged between his own and she gently pressed him back into the mattress. He held a hand against her waist for a moment, taking the chance to prop up his special turian pillow behind him to avoid damaging his fringe. When he had settled, he flashed a grin at her before pulling her farther on top of him, until she was straddling his waist as their hands began the tantalizing act of reacquainting with each others' bodies. She couldn't suppress the sighs that his touch brought forth from her, even as she grazed her fingernails slightly against his waist.

She could already feel the heat beginning to build in his groin, matching her own waves of desire as their bodies pressed as close together as possible. His hands seemed to be everywhere, all at once - tangled in her hair, squeezing her waist, pressing against the small of her back. Relishing this long-missed haze of passion that was working its way through her body, Shepard began to slowly trace her fingers down his chest, following the lines around his plates in an achingly slow fashion. Garrus was shifting impatiently beneath her, claiming her tongue with his own even as their hands roamed over each other. Her hands dipped lower between them, eager to trace around the sensitive plates that sheathed him away from sight.

Suddenly, her left arm flared to life with a neon orange glow and an insistent beeping, distracting her momentarily. As she groaned and pressed a button to stop the alert, a message popped up.

A reminder from the transport station that their departure time was in ten minutes.

"Holy shit!" Shepard tumbled off of Garrus and fell unceremoniously to the floor in a heap of crimson hair and baggy t-shirt. Before he could complain or ask why, she was frantically pulling on her underwear and wrangling her sleeping t-shirt over her head, racing around the room. Garrus sat up in bed and looked at her with concern, his mandibles slack and still panting for breath.

"Posey, what's wrong?"

"The transport to Tuchanka, Garrus! It leaves in ten minutes! We have to _move_!" In just her bra and underwear she raced to the bathroom, nearly tripping over Garrus's prosthetic on the way. When she realized that he was nearly helpless without it, she screamed in frustration and picked it up, tossing it on the bed. He reached for it without any note of urgency, pressing a button where the base of his spur would have been that opened the clamps. As he slid the metal tabs in place on by one and sealed them back down, Shepard stopped to watch him work. He was so serene in the way he gently lowered the prosthetic leg to the floor and stood up gracefully, not even giving a wince of pain. Though she knew he was hurting, he would not show it. She heard him chuckle as she turned away once more to grab her toothbrush and toothpaste out of her overnight bag, facing the mirror in the bathroom to begin brushing her teeth. Not a moment later, there was once again a warm turian at her back, his hips pressed against hers and an arm wrapped around her stomach as he too did what the turians would equate to cleansing their teeth. The tool he used was rather like what Shepard remembered her childhood dentist using, a little prong that he would stick between her teeth to pull out tartar and the like. They both made short work of this, and then he was getting dressed carefully while she splashed ice-cold water on her face and then pulled her hair up into a bun that would have to do for the time being. She felt Garrus's eyes on her as she slipped into her Council-issued environmental gear, which would protect her from the raging Tuchanka weather.

"You ready to go?" she asked breathlessly, as she crammed the last of her belongings into her duffel bag. Garrus nodded with a smirk and opened the hotel door for her, taking the heavy duffel from her shoulder even as she tried to protest.

#

_"SHEPAAAAARD!"_

No matter how many years she'd known Wrex and considered him amongst one of her close friends, she would never be used to the sight of a massive, full-grown krogan charging towards her with a huge goofy grin on his face. As Wrex ran at her now, one krogan toddler teetering on each of his giant shoulders, she had to fight the instinct to drop into a fighting stance, instead holding out her arms to receive one of the other little krogans charging along ahead of their father. As the tyke leapt into her waiting embrace, Shepard staggered for a moment under her unexpected weight, but smiled as she felt stubby but muscular arms wrap around her neck with a coo.

"Hello to you too, Mordin," Shepard chuckled, patting the back of the child's head tenderly. The little girl looked up at Shepard, wide-eyed and grinning just like her father. "You've gotten so big since I saw you last!"

"Shepard, you're here! Daddy didn't tell us you were coming!"

"It was a surprise, Mordin," said Wrex with a smile, patting his daughter on the top of her reddish-brown head. She had her father's coloring, but Shepard had known from the first time she met the kid that she would have Bakara's eyes. As the girl had started to grow, now being just over seven years old, it had turned out that she had Bakara's wit as well. The girl had taken on a particular interest with research already, unwittingly living up to her namesake. (Shepard suspected that Wrex had more than a little to do with pushing her in that direction, though he of course would never admit it to her.)

Mordin squealed with delight as her father gently (but not _too_ gently, of course - he had to set an example, after all) knocked his head against Shepard's own. Shepard laughed and endured the gesture, knowing that she would have to knock back a couple of painkillers later for the headache that was sure to come. As Shepard rubbed Mordin's back soothingly, she felt another pair of tiny arms wrapping around her legs, and then another pair on her other leg, and then Mordin was staring up with huge green eyes as Garrus approached behind her.

"Daddy, look!" she squealed, pointing excitedly and wriggling so much that Shepard struggled to keep a hold on her. "A turian! A real live turian!" Wrex chuckled  and nodded, extending a hand to Garrus.

"That it is, Mordin, and a real ugly one at that. And one that I hadn't expected to see again anytime soon." The weathered krogan's voice took on a slightly more serious note as his hand met Garrus's and shook firmly, locking gazes with him for just a moment. He was completely sincere as he said quietly, "Good to see you, Vakarian." Garrus nodded with a flick of his mandibles in return, before bending down to pick up one of the krogan children who had begun poking at his prosthetic.

"Ah, ah, ah, don't touch that," he chided gently, holding the child at a safe arm's length away from his fragile crest. "Wouldn't want my leg to fall off, now would we?" The child squirmed with delight and reached for Garrus's mandibles, after which he promptly set him back down in an attempt to minimize damage to his already scarred and beaten face.

Wrex just stood in front of Shepard and Garrus and laughed heartily, taking in the scene before him. "Hey, Shepard," he said with a mischievous lilt in his voice. "Still haven't taken us up on that adoption offer. We've got some more on the way, we could really use a hand."

Garrus looked down at Shepard with huge, terrified eyes, and she laughed out loud at his expression, startling Mordin. "I don't think we'll be doing that anytime soon, Wrex," she chuckled, as she gently passed Mordin back to Wrex's arms. "I'm not sure we old folks could handle an offspring of yours. We wouldn't be able to keep up."  Garrus snorted and reached out a finger to Mordin, who grabbed on to it and looked at the blunt talons with wonder in her eyes.

"Speak for yourself, Posey," he joked. "I'm still in my prime."

"Yeah, in your prime," Wrex grunted as he lightly poked Garrus's prosthetic with a massive foot. "You turians are so breakable. Still, it's good to see you. Both of you. If you have time while you're here, you should stop by and see Grunt and his kids. Heh, if you think _mine_ are a handful, you just wait." Shepard was getting ready to respond, but just then Bakara appeared at Wrex's shoulder, her belly swollen and a glowing smile on her scaly face.

"Shepard, it's so good to see you." The female krogan's voice was warm and genuine, as she reached out to envelope Shepard in a hug. She offered a polite handshake to Garrus as well, giving him a respectful nod. "Mr. Vakarian, it was wonderful news to hear that you'd made it back. I hope all is well."

"I've never been better," Garrus replied, and Shepard took one of his hands in her own and squeezed it. Bakara smiled again at them.

"How long will you be here, Shepard?" Bakara asked as she extricated some of the krogan children from around Shepard's legs. Shepard groaned and stretched out her shoulder, grimacing as she faced the prospect of returning to the Citadel after this wonderful vacation.

"Just visiting for the day, unfortunately. Tevos will have my head if I'm gone for another day - I bet Sparatus is probably giving her hell right now."

Wrex laughed at that, never having been fond of the asari councilor. "Good on Sparatus," he boomed. "That woman needs an ego check every now and then. Speaking of councilors, how is Cratazan doing?" Shepard just shrugged, not having yet had time to form an opinion about the krogan councilor as they hadn't had much interaction. Cratazan had only just joined the council a few months ago, and they were all still adjusting to the addition of a krogan council member. Although, _why_ it had taken them six years to grant the krogan a spot on the council, Shepard still wasn't sure.

"He's been good, as far as I'm concerned," Shepard said, crossing her arms over her chest to discourage any more krogan children clambering for her to pick them up. "Not much has happened since he was appointed, so we haven't really gotten much of a chance to see him in action. Not that I'm complaining, though, I don't mind having a nice crisis-free break every once in a while." Bakara and Wrex both nodded knowingly.

"I'll try to keep the krogan crises to a minimum," Wrex chuckled after a moment, bouncing Mordin lightly on his shoulders. As she squealed, Bakara turned back to them after wrestling another one of the children off of her leg.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, darling," she chided at Wrex, and then she looked to Shepard. "If you only have a little time here, I suggest you go see Grunt right away. He's leaving for a colony scouting mission soon." Shepard and Garrus both nodded, reaching out for one last handshake with Bakara and Wrex before they piled back into the transport and punched in the coordinates for Grunt's dwelling.

Their reception with the tank-grown krogan was much the same as before. Shepard's heart leapt into her throat as the massive tank that everyone on the Normandy had taken to calling her 'baby' charged towards her, laughing maniacally. " _SHEPAAAAAAAAARD!_ " She knew by now to brace her knees for the impact, but it was still never enough to really prepare for the weight of an excited krogan hitting you square on in the chest. If his arms didn't wrap around her shoulders, she would've fallen straight to the ground, but thankfully he held her up.

"Hello, Grunt," she laughed breathily, as the wind slowly came back to her lungs. Garrus just reached out for another polite handshake. Grunt chuckled and shook his head at the prosthetic, but said nothing. As another swarm of elated krogan children approached, Grunt just shrugged at Shepard with that childish grin she loved plastered across his face. Rather than going to pick any one of them up, Shepard just accepted her fate and kneeled slowly into the thin Tuchanka grass, wincing only slightly when her hip twisted uncomfortably. When she had settled into a kneeling position, she was immediately covered in children, laughing as they stroked her hair, poked her environmental gear, and brushed their fingers across her freckled cheeks with wonder in their eyes. Garrus bent down and picked one of the stragglers up, allowing the little boy to sit comfortably in his cowl (though he had to bend his neck at an odd angle to keep from smacking the kid with his crest). _This one must have been due for a nap soon_ , he thought idly as the child's fingers ran over his crest with slowing strokes. Within five minutes of their arrival, the child had fallen asleep nestled comfortably in Garrus's cowl, his arms wrapped rather _un_ comfortably around Garrus's head to keep upright. Shepard caught Garrus's eyes as he scanned the crowd of toddlers, and she smiled at the warmth she found there.

If they ever did decide to have children, some day, he was going to make a great father. Of that she was sure. Truly, the only thing holding her back from such an idea was the fact that she wasn't sure _she_ would make such a great parent herself. All she'd ever known was running and fighting, from slavers to criminals to Reapers. But that was an issue for another day, another time, and another place.

As one of the children pulled her arm up to frown and poke at its slender muscle, Shepard noticed one of the children pressing around on Garrus's prosthetic. She opened her mouth to chide the little krogan, but it was too late. Somehow, the little stubby fingers had managed to wedge just in the right spot to disengage the clamps on the artificial limb, and Garrus was already wavering to keep his balance. In a fatherly effort that she once again had to admire, he reached for the now-wide-awake toddler on his shoulder to put him down in case he was about to fall. But the little krogan was having none of that - in his desperation to cling to Garrus as long as possible, his two tiny hands wrapped a tight hold around the base of Garrus's fringe and tugged hard.

That's when everything went terribly wrong.

Before Shepard could blink, Garrus let out a scream of rage and his eyes lost their former warmth. In a glassy haze, Garrus managed to disentangle the child and set him down none-too-gently, before shaking his head around like a madman and finally locking his gaze on Grunt. The krogan was somehow ready for him, braced for impact and bristling like the protective krogan father that he was. Garrus didn't ever reach him, though - Shepard, at the last moment, regained control of her thoughts and threw out a stasis field over the turian, freezing him in a lunging position. She panted as she held the field, frantically checking over the child he'd tossed down with her free hand to make sure he was all right. When the child seemed none the worse for wear, she let out a sigh of relief. She then turned her attention back to the bigger issue.

"Grunt, I'm so sorry," she wheezed, the effort of putting such an active body in stasis already taxing her.  "He's... We don't know, I thought this was over, I - "

"Shepard, let me get the kids inside, and then we can deal with this." The krogan's eyes were still flaming defensively, but his stance had relaxed a little now. Shepard shook her head.

"No, Grunt, I can handle this. I just need to get him on the transport, okay? I'm sorry, I'm so, _so_ sorry. We've... We have to go, I'll come visit soon. By myself." The krogan didn't answer her as she threw out a lift field with the last of her energy, navigating Garrus's frozen, furious body towards the transport. Her guards must have seen them coming, because they had the  doors open by the time she got close enough to get Garrus into the vehicle. She didn't let off of the lift field until they had closed the doors and buckled Garrus into one of the seats farther back. As the violet biotic glow faded from around him, his body slumped into unconsciousness, and Shepard's heart nearly beat out of her chest. She didn't dare get too close, fearing that he might wake up at any moment with God-knows what kind of temper still hanging around. Keeping nearly four feet away, she kneeled during the entire transport ride back to the Citadel, watching for any sign of movement  and praying to God that, whatever was happening with Garrus, was something that wouldn't eventually take him away from her again, forever this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the other hand, if you guys don't *mind* the NSFW stuff, I can try to work a little more of that in here too... ;-)


	19. Enough on Her Plate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a big thank-you to everyone who waited so patiently for the last chapter, I decided not to wait any longer to post this next one. I hope you all enjoy it!  
> Also, I have planned out the rest of this story, and it will be totaling 25 chapters (technically, prologue + 24 chapters) barring some major rewrite of what I've got down for the next few chapters. So after this one, only six chapters left to go! I hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it.  
> Special thanks to everyone who has been leaving such sweet comments lately, you guys seriously make my day every time you do!

There was a staggering amount of familiarity in the situation Garrus awoke to. His leg ached, the lights in the room were dimmed, his head was throbbing, and Liara was sleeping serenely in a chair beside him, her hands folded delicately over a sizeable stack of datapads in her lap.

The realization that it was Liara there, not Shepard, was just the first of many things that would terrify him that day. He blinked repeatedly, trying to assure himself that _no_ , the last month hadn't just been some beautiful dream or a made-up reality. Shepard had been real, she'd been there, he _knew_ it. He'd touched her skin, run his talons through her hair, smelled her delicate soap that she said humans would call 'rose-scented'. _She'd been in his arms._

So where was she now?

"Please, Spirits, no," he choked out, feeling all of the nightmares he'd ever had about losing Shepard bulldozing their way back into his mind. He shook his head uselessly, letting a harmonic keen resonate from his chest unabated. The sound roused Liara from her sleep, and she looked up instantly alert. She noticed his face, awake and distressed, and instantly moved to calm him.

"Garrus. _Garrus, it's okay_. Everything is fine."

"Liara, I... Please, _please_ tell me I wasn't just dreaming. Wh-... Where is she?"

Whatever he was expecting from Liara, a sigh of relief wasn't it. Her hand braced on his shoulder as the corners of her lips tilted upwards just slightly.

"She's in a meeting with the Council right now. She's safe. You're in the hospital on the Citadel. We're home, and we're all okay." A huge gust of relief escaped Garrus's chest, and he could no longer feel his heart threatening to rip out of his chest in fear. As his heart rate slowed and he caught his breath, he went to rub over his crest in relief. He was surprised to find that his arms would not move - when he looked down, he realized that they were bound to the side of the hospital bed with glowing straps of neon orange, akin to an omnitool surface.

"Liara, what - ?" The realization hit him like a bullet. "Oh, Spirits. Tuchanka."

Her smile disappeared as quickly as it came, and her eyes cast away from his. "Yes, Garrus. Shepard checked you in yesterday and stayed with you all night, but the rest of the Council demanded her presence today. She said she would return as soon as possible. Dr. Belen is working as hard as he can right now to figure out what's wro - I mean, what's going on. With you." The asari's face flushed an uneven amethyst as she hurried to correct herself. Garrus just shook his head and sighed, leaning back against the turian pillow that Shepard must have brought here for him.  

The swish of an opening door spared Garrus from having to respond to her. Belen entered quickly, his eyes narrowed in concern as he rifled through a stack of five datapads in his arms, tapping each a few times before moving on to the next. When he looked up, his eyes widened in surprise for a moment, but then returned to their previous state.

"Vakarian, you're awake. Good. Need to speak with you, urgently. But, ah... It is not good news, I'm afraid. Would you like to summon the Councilor?" Garrus thought about it for a moment, but then slowly shook his head.

"She's got plenty to worry about right now," he rumbled, knowing that his subharmonics were screaming shame and anxiety right now to anyone who could hear and understand them. "I'll tell her later, by myself."

"Are you sure, Garrus?" Liara's brows (or at least the lines on her forehead that seemed to resemble what humans called 'eyebrows') quirked upwards in concern. "If it's bad news, she probably needs to hear it."

"I'll tell her when it's time," Garrus snapped back. He instantly regretted it. "Sorry, Liara. I just... Don't bother her right now. She's got enough on her plate." Liara didn't make any further move to argue, simply gathering her datapads and exiting the room slowly. When the door had closed behind her, Belen set his stack of datapads on a small desk on the wall near Garrus's bed. The salarian let out a long, tired sigh before turning back to face Garrus.

"Concerning symptoms, Mr. Vakarian. Have been running more extensive tests since the Councilor checked you in yesterday, finally have plausible theory as to the cause of these... episodes."

Garrus sat in silence, bracing himself for the worst. It took the doctor a long moment to choose his next words.

"Am aware your mother was diagnosed with Corpalis syndrome some time ago, correct?" When Garrus nodded slowly, the salarian pulled out one of the datapads from his little stack. He handed it to Garrus, who promptly set it down without reading a word. The salarian heaved a dramatic sigh.

"All right, Vakarian. We - mainly I, of course, not many true _research_ -capable doctors here - have concluded that you are indeed showing some early bioindicators of Corpalis. The aggression, mood swings, brief lapses of coherency or 'blackouts' if you will. All very prominent symptoms of early stages in more severe cases. However, no losses of memory so far - we believe this may have something to do with the virus we discussed some time ago. The virus's effect on host cell processes may have actually stimulated memory retention, rather than causing these symptoms as we originally feared."

Garrus let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding as Belen talked.

"Corpalis. Are you sure that's what this is?" The doctor nodded gravely, before gesturing to the datapad he had given to him.

"I highly suggest reading over that material there, as well as contacting your mother and asking about her experiences. They did develop a cure a few years ago - otherwise your mother wouldn't be here still - and the major medical details of her case are outlined in that datapad. But, you may want to hear it from her." Garrus couldn't think of anything to say in response to the doctor, so he just nodded once again and picked up the datapad, sliding a finger across the screen absentmindedly. After a moment, Belen picked up another one of his datapads, and his voice lightened considerably.

"Some good news, though. Cure can be administered as soon as your amputation wound is healed fully and your prosthetic is completely integrated. Not before, we can't risk even the slightest immunocompromise. Your mother will know more about that, can explain it to you in simpler terms than I can. All is not lost, Mr. Vakarian... You will live a long and happy life, if I have anything to say about it."

"Thank you, Doctor. Now, if you could please excuse me, I... I need to call my mother." Belen nodded in understanding and  approached Garrus's bed, tapping one of the orange restraints around his arms in a few places. All of the restraints came off at once, and Garrus rubbed his slender wrists appreciatively. The doctor then gathered up his datapads once again, balancing them in his arms as he shuffled quickly out the door. When he was finally alone, Garrus pulled up his omnitool with a heavy sigh.

They had replaced his old, burnt-out one with a vibrant new interface. At Shepard's behest, they had put in a top-of-the-line military grade one instead of the civilian tool they had originally suggested. He wasn't planning on returning to active duty any time soon, but he appreciated Shepard's effort to maintain some sense of normalcy for him. The omnitool hummed slightly as it brought up the video interface and tried to connect. Solana, his mother, and his father had all programmed their contact codes into his tool when they had visited last week. He scrolled through the short list of contacts until he found the listing for **_C.VAKARIAN_** _[loc:cipritine/plvn]_. There was a part of him that half-expected the call to falter, to say that no such user existed. He hadn't even known she was alive through most of the Reaper War - once all this mess had been sorted out, if it ever was, he was looking forward to hearing where exactly she'd been all these years.

His heart stuttered slightly when his mother's face flickered to life on the interface.

"Hello there, son." Her sandy-beige mandibles were stretched wide in a smile. Spirits, how Garrus had missed that smile all these years.

"Hey, Mom. How are you doing?"

She chuckled softly and shook her head. "Garrus, I'm fine. Spirits, you always were terrible about worrying about everyone else. Tell me, how are _you_?"

Garrus knew that she wouldn't miss the way his mandibles flicked downward, just for a moment. He tried to maintain his pleasant expression, but she saw right through him. As she always had.

"Garrus, what's wrong?"

He let out a huge sigh and scratched nervously at his crest. "Mom, I... You need to come to the Citadel. As quickly as you can, okay? Don't bring Dad, or Sol. _Definitely_ don't bring Solana. And please, don't let them know that anything's wrong. Can you do that?" Her face went grim in a second, and she nodded as her brow plate furrowed down.

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Be safe, son. I love you."

"I love you too, Mom. Travel safe." As the interface dimmed and his mother's face disappeared, the door to the hospital room swished open again. He smiled when the white and grey of Shepard's Council coat appeared in the open doorway, her back to him as she waved a passing hello to someone in the hall. When she turned towards him, his smile fell again. Her face was tired and pinched, cheeks flushed and forehead wrinkled as she handed him a take-out box of dextro food.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, pulling up her 'everything-is-fine-and-I'm-not-frustrated-as-hell' mask that he saw right through. He took her hands in his and rubbed over them gently, trying to massage away some of the tension he felt even in her slender fingers.

"I just took some pain meds," he replied, even as the news that Belen had brought niggled at the back of his mind. "I'm feeling fine."

Just as he had always seen through her masks, she saw right through his. She knew there was something up, but she didn't look in any mood to press the issue right now. As she withdrew her hands from his to strip out of her coat, Garrus just waited for her to say something. Her day obviously hadn't gone well, but she would talk about it when she was ready. It took her a while - after folding her coat carefully over the back of a chair, she fetched a glass of water and drank it all in one gulp. Then, finally, as she leaned against the desk beside his bed, she opened her mouth to speak.

"I fucking hate Tevos."

Garrus let out a laugh, because whatever he was expecting her to say, that wasn't it. He quieted when she directed a ferocious glare in his direction, but his smirk remained.

"I gave her an exact itinerary of our vacation, told her when I was leaving and when I was coming back. And yet still, she bitches at me for being gone too long! Why is it my fault that the Council apparently can't function properly when I'm not there? D'you know, they actually granted that volus ambassador a full Council _audience_ a couple of days ago. I was so goddamned close to convincing that guy to just drop it, but noooo!" Shepard threw up her hands in frustration, letting out a little squeal of anger. Garrus didn't dare laugh again, but he mentally noted that, when she wasn't brandishing a gun, angry Councilor Shepard was pretty damn cute. "I just... Ugh, I'm going to have so much to catch up on. Why did I ever agree to this? I knew it was a bad idea. I'm a terrible politician."

"Posey, if anything you're the only decent person there," Garrus said soothingly, reaching out for her. She took his hand and moved closer to his bedside, laying her head against the top of his crest. "Everything will work out. Although, you'll have to tell me the story of how you got elected one of these days. I imagine it's quite the tale."

Her wry smirk confirmed the statement. "Quite the tale, indeed, Garrus. I'll tell you in a second, just let me run to the restroom really quick, okay?" Garrus nodded and smiled as she crossed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was out of sight, Belen came in again, with no datapads this time.

"Vakarian, good. You're still here. I've cleared you for discharge today, because I don't think there's any more we can do further than what we've already discussed. When your surgical wounds and prosthetic attachments have healed sufficiently, we will move ahead with the treatment. Until then - " He paused as Shepard came out of the bathroom again, smiling when she saw Belen. He continued after nodding respectfully at her. "You are free to go home, but I would like to hear immediately should anything new come up. I wish you both well." He left the room as quickly as he'd come, leaving Shepard and Garrus alone once again. She smiled at him and took the food she'd brought to pop it in the flash-heating unit, before bringing it back to him. His mouth watered at the scent of rare cardalan meat, and she sat beside him as he ate it slowly, relishing every delicious bite.

 

#

 

 _Goddess, would it kill him to answer a call?_ Liara had tried to hail Joker on his omnitool at least five times now, but he still hadn't answered. After the sixth try, she gave up and simply sent him a message.

 

_**FROM:DR L.T'SONI** _ _[loc:newcitadel]_

_**TO:FLT.J.MOREAU** _ _[loc:newcitadel]_

_**MESSAGE:** _ **** _Joker, I need to speak with you. It is urgent. Please meet me at 13:00GST, at that levo coffee shop directly across from the Citadel Imports store. I expect you to be somewhat close to on-time, please. As I said before, it is of the utmost importance. - Liara [timestamp:9:53GST]_

 

As she finished the message, she threw a few of her more important datapads into a small over-the-shoulder bag and left her apartment, hailing a taxi down to the Zakera Ward warehouses. The cleanup crew on the Normandy had placed all of the found belongings there, and Liara figured she could at least begin sorting items while she waited for her scheduled meeting time with Joker. He sent back a message as the cab carried her to her destination, confirming the time and place for them to meet.

They had reserved a smaller stall in the warehouse for the Normandy belongings, having carefully stacked boxes and boxes of things in the corners. Liara sighed as she looked at the wall of work before her. It was going to be a long task, this one.

As she lifted the first box down, she instantly stiffened. The lid hadn't been fastened onto it, because there was an item too large to fit completely in the box. Liara pulled the silver plate out carefully, running her fingers over it slowly. She fought the tears that sprang to her eyes as she read the words emblazoned across the metallic surface.

**COMMANDER P. SHEPARD**

She set the nameplate aside, as the beginnings of a pile that would need to go to Garrus and Shepard. The next items she pulled out of the box were some of Shepard's larger ship models - she'd definitely want those. Liara set them down gently beside the nameplate. As she rifled through more and more of the things, she found that most if not all had come from Shepard's cabin. The next thing she pulled out of the box was Garrus's old visor. As she neared the bottom of the storage bin, her fingertips brushed across something small and square. Curious, she wrapped her fingers around the small object and pulled it out. A little silver box. Interest piqued even further, she opened the little box, and her breath caught in her throat. She quickly closed the box again and set it aside, knowing that it truly hadn't been meant for her eyes. 

The other boxes took longer to go through. Having come from various areas of the ship - the kitchen, the medbay, the shuttle bay, and even her own office - the items were more mixed together, and Liara hadn't known all of the crew as well as she'd known Shepard, Garrus, and Tali. As she was sifting through the fifth box, a cracked coffee mug nearly cut her finger, and she had to filter carefully through the remaining things to pull out the sharp pieces of ceramic. One item stood out to her in particular. When she lifted up the toothbrush, it took a matter of seconds to identify it as Samantha Traynor's most prized possession. Liara pressed the button on the handle, and the little mass effect fields that made this thing so expensive flared to life. She shut it off again and placed it in the pile of clothing that she had determined must belong to Samantha.

As she finished up with the fifth box, she checked her omnitool and realized that she was due to meet Joker in less than ten minutes. She sent a quick message to Garrus about the nameplate and the little silver box, noting that she'd put them in a separate, more discreet location than the rest of his and Shepard's old things. Stuffing the few things of her own that she'd found into her bag, she quickly locked the warehouse shut behind her and hailed another cab to the Presidium.

Ten minutes after their scheduled meeting time, she was still waiting for him.

 _Why did I even expect him to be on time?_ Liara wondered to herself as she sipped at her hot chocolate and looked out over the Presidium Fields. She pulled up her omnitool and hailed him over vidcomm for the fifth time, rolling her eyes when he once again didn't answer. Just as she was reaching for her bag to pull out a datapad to try to get some work done, she heard her name being called out over the quiet noise of the café. She looked up and there Joker was, loping across the Presidium without so much as a limp. She smiled at the ease with which he moved, and he returned the smile with one of his own.

"Sorry I'm late," he apologized when he reached her table. "I was on vidcomm with Kaidan." Liara nodded in understanding and held out the cup of coffee she had ordered for him. He accepted it gratefully and sat down across from her, running a free hand through his thick-but-graying hair. "So what did you need?"

A brilliant smile lit up Liara's face as she set her hot chocolate down and reached for Joker's hand. He gave her an odd look, but let her hold his hand as she answered, "Did you bring the OSD?" Joker snorted.

"Of course I did. You know I don't ever go - Uh, I mean yeah. Yeah, here it is." With his other hand, he set the coffee down and reached into his pocket, producing the small square disk. Liara scanned it quickly with her omnitool, pausing for a moment to read the results of the scan, and then she practically giggled with delight. She stood up quickly, releasing Joker's hand and grabbing her hot chocolate and her bag.

"I hope you don't have any plans for the rest of the day, Joker. Because I've got something to show you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the beginning of explaining Garrus's symptoms - obviously, the Corpalis issues are not the only ones, as he is also suffering from some PTSD (understandably). There will be a mix of symptoms from these sources, so if something doesn't align strictly with one disability or the other, that is why! Feel free to ask questions or make suggestions!  
> Thank you for reading!


	20. Leaning Left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty lengthy, sorry if it feels a little long but I couldn't figure out a better way to divide this! 
> 
> Only five chapters left!

_***One Week Later*** _

 

"All right now, Mr. Vakarian, let's try it again." The nurse's voice was soft but determined, meant to be soothing. Although to him, her London-Earth accent might as well have been talons scraping down stone for all the 'calming' effect it was having.

Garrus grumbled but complied, placing his hands in front of him on the mat and pushing his torso upwards. The joints in his hips cried out in protest, and he bit back a pained growl. He could see Shepard next to him, mirroring his movements but failing to conceal the grimace on her face as her bad hip twinged painfully. The hip exercises in their joint physical therapy sessions were always brutal for her, and he hated seeing her lovely features twist every time the nurse asked them to do something new. But he was here to support her as much as she was to do the same for him - joint therapy had been her idea, though it'd taken some convincing to get her nurse, Denise, to agree with it.

"Okay, hold it for another ten... Five.... 3, 2, and 1. Great job, you two," the nurse cooed, on her knees in front of Shepard and Garrus's individual mats.  Garrus could see the petulant glare Shepard threw at the floor in her effort to maintain a positive face for the nurse, and he had to hold back his chuckle. "All right, Posey," Denise said soothingly, "that's all your exercises for the day. Do you need help getting into the pool for cool-down?"

Shepard shook her head, rolling over onto her back to look up at Denise. "No pool today. I'm going to stay with Garrus, if that's all right." Her eyes flickered to his for permission rather than the nurse's - he nodded quickly and smiled, purring just a little bit despite their company.

Denise didn't look pleased, but she just shrugged. "Have it your way, Posey. By now, I know better than to try and argue with you."

"I knew I hired you for a reason," Shepard grinned, before blowing a stray piece of hair out of her sweaty face. Denise just laughed and shook her head, standing up to offer Shepard a hand.

"Shepard, you hired me because I was the only nurse in London who could put up with your antics. Not that I'm complaining - the New Citadel is a much lovelier scene than those dull greys of London." When she'd gotten Shepard seated comfortably in a massage chair, she bent down and helped Garrus to stand up slowly and shakily. He'd been able to bear partial weight on his prosthetic for more than a week now, but he still hadn't worked his way up to walking around without a cane for any extended amount of time. Some days, even with the cane, it became hard to move for the pain shooting through his amputation site.  Those were the days where he'd be stuck in bed all day, with Shepard fussing over him like a typical turian mother.

Denise pressed a panel on the wall, and two glowing parallel bars materialized on either side of him. Garrus frowned, knowing what was coming next. The nurse saw his expression and chuckled lightly, shaking her head. "You've got this, sir. I know you can do it." As he looked over at Shepard, he saw the same encouragement in her eyes, and the big smile she flashed at him strengthened him further. He put one hand on either of the parallel bars and steadied himself for a moment, taking in deep breaths in sync with the nurse's.

"Okay, Mr. Vakarian, now shift left." Garrus slowly moved the bulk of his weight onto his prosthetic, gripping the bars tighter and tighter the more his stump screamed in protest. He no longer tried to hide his pained expression, knowing that Shepard certainly wasn't going to judge him for it. When the nurse finished counting down from ten, Garrus leaned back into a neutral position as fast as he could manage, breathing heavily. Denise gave him just a few more moments, and then asked him to do it again. This repeated many, many times, until Garrus was nearly panting for breath.

"One more time," she said softly, though there was a hard edge to her voice that she usually put on towards the end of the session. He nodded solemnly and inhaled as deep as he could, forcing himself to focus. Every nerve in his body felt like it was burning at this point, but it was nothing new in these physical therapy sessions. As he began to lean to the left, he could feel the clamps of his prosthesis grinding  inside his leg, and he gritted his teeth against the discomfort. The further he moved, the more quickly the pain built, until he couldn't help but let out a pained whimper before returning to the neutral position.

"I can't," he breathed quietly, so soft that Denise had to lean in to hear him. She shook her head and frowned.

"Don't you stop now. You're doing so great, sir, you just need to do one more full shift." Garrus shook his head again and took in a deep, shuddering breath.

"Denise, I just can't do it today. I need to stop."

He heard a shuffling of feet to his left, and then familiar hands covering his left hand and shoulder. Shepard's face was still flushed from her therapy exercises, but she looked up at him with a determined fire in her eyes. Her mouth curved upwards in a tiny smile as the hand covering his wiggled to intertwine their fingers, and her other hand slid under his left arm to support him.

"You can do this," she whispered, leaning as close to his ear as she could without standing on her tiptoes. "You have survived so much worse, I know you have. You've faced down rogue Spectres, kicked Collector ass, and sent the Reapers back to Hell. All of those things inflicted far worse pains than this, and it only gets easier from here. Believe me. You are so much stronger than you know." Her rich, strong voice caught a little at the end, and Denise politely averted her eyes as Garrus pressed his forehead gently against Shepard's own. "Just one more try, please. For me."

Garrus looked back into her eyes and gave an almost imperceptible nod, tightening his grip on her fingers. "For you, Posey, anything."

It hurt, but he followed through, and by the time he was standing up straight once again he felt like the life had been drained from him. Posey was smiling brilliantly at him as she helped him into their transport, carefully guiding his prosthetic into the car before shutting his door. He didn't miss her obvious wince as she eased in on the other side of the transport, massaging her hips the whole way back to her apartment.

When they finally reached home, Shepard helped him back out of the car and supported him inside to the couch, laying him down after propping up his special pillow. "I'm going to go get some lunch, okay?" Shepard said as she grabbed her own cane from beside the door. Garrus frowned as she did, knowing that she would only ever use it after an especially tough session. She hadn't seemed to be in too much pain when he'd been watching her, but perhaps it had been far worse than she'd actually let on this time. In any case, his stomach was grumbling loudly as she walked out the door, blowing a kiss back in his direction. "Love you!" she called out as the door swished shut behind her.

"Love you too," he muttered into the silence that she left behind. He reached out towards what Shepard called a 'coffee table' for some reason - although it was just a short table, and looked to have absolutely nothing to do with that weird coffee drink that Shepard liked so much - and grabbed blindly for the pain meds and glass of water that he knew she'd left there for him. She was so incredibly thoughtful, it still sometimes took his breath away. Somehow, she always knew what he needed even before he did. And he didn't tell her nearly enough how much he appreciated her. Hopefully, when they were both feeling better (perhaps even later tonight), he was going to really show her how much she meant to him. Although, at the rate they were both going, it was going to take even more patience, care, and specific positioning to make sure they were both comfortable this time.

"Mr. Vakarian, sir, there is a visitor at the door." The voice of the apartment's VI toned over the intercom. Garrus groaned and pushed his head farther back into the pillow, rubbing his eyes drowsily as the pain meds quickly began to do their work.

"Who is it?"

"Biometric scans indicate that the visitor is Lady Caena Vakarian, sir. Would you like me to allow her in, or shall I send her away?"

"No, no, let her in! VI, allow Caena Vakarian access to all areas of the apartment besides the master bedroom, effective immediately."

"Done, sir." There was a soft chime from the door, and Garrus pushed himself up to peek over the back of the couch. His mother entered with a beaming smile, her sandy-brown plates shining with a healthy glow. Garrus's mandibles spread in a grin as he pushed himself into a sitting position. Seeing him on the couch, Caena walked towards him and set her duffel on the floor next to the couch before kneeling beside him and pushing him back to lie down.

"Hey, Mom," Garrus said quietly, as she took his hand between both of hers. She smiled, but Garrus could see the note of sadness that resonated in her eyes as she searched over his face.

"Sweet Spirits, Garrus," she half-chuckled, though there was a serious tone in her subvocals, "what have you done to your face?" Her long fingers, incredibly slender for a turian, brushed against the scarred side of his face, and she sighed. "On second thought, I probably don't want to know. But I'm so glad you're home." Garrus rumbled out an apologetic purr, leaning into her touch as he had when he was just a child.

"I'm sorry I never called, Mom. I wanted to, I did but with the Collectors it seemed like none of my messages ever got through to you, and Dad never wanted to talk about it, and - "

"Garrus, hush." His mother stopped him with a firm look, and he closed his mouth immediately. "You do not need to apologize for anything, not anymore. That is all behind us. If anything, I should be apologizing to you, for being gone so long. Spirits, if I'd been there all those years, maybe you - "

"Stop right there, Mom," Garrus interrupted. "We're not going there. It's not your fault that you got sick, end of story. You did what was best for your health." Caena's face grew even more solemn as she looked down.

"I still owe you an explanation, son."

"Yeah, you do. But we can talk about that later, okay? I've... I've got something I need to tell you." As his mother looked at him expectantly, concern flickering in her gaze, Garrus softened his expression. "I need you not to worry about me, okay? This is going to sound bad, really bad, but everything is going to be all right."

"You're not exactly easing my anxiety here, Garrus."

"Okay, okay. So they've figured out what may be causing these... issues, that I've been having." Caena nodded for him to continue, and he took another deep breath. "They, uh... They think it's Corpalis."

Caena sucked in a breath, as her dawn-grey eyes flew open in surprise. "Are they sure?" When Garrus nodded, she rocked back on her haunches and exhaled slowly through her nose, her hands wrapping around the back of her neck. "Well, shit."

Garrus snorted out a laugh, not remembering the last time he'd heard his mother curse. "Yeah, shit. But hey," he said, in a more reassuring tone as he lifted her chin with a hand. "You made it through. So will I." Caena gave him a sad, sweet smile and nodded.

"You are so strong, my son. If I can do it, you surely can. I assume they've given you my case details, then?" Garrus nodded, but there was still a question he was burning to ask her.

"Yeah, they told me about the medical specifics, but what really happened? I mean, maybe you could put it in more simple terms or something."

"Of course. The last time we spoke, you knew that I'd been sent to Sur'Kesh for treatment. I was there for a very long time. I only returned to Palaven just a little more than two years ago, actually. I had to stay on Sur'Kesh so long because the treatment, in its early stages, was nearly fatal. You see, it's another, much more aggressive virus that deactivates the Corpalis spores, so it can't bind to your cells. At least, that's what Dr. Solus had told me, when he'd begun synthesizing the -"

"Wait, repeat that?" Garrus said incredulously, thinking he must have misheard his mother. She looked at him quizzically.

"Repeat which part?"

"Your doctor... Dr. Solus? What was his first name, do you know?"

"Oh, shoot," she muttered, as she fought to remember. "I could've told you if you hadn't asked, I swear... Oh! Something with an m, Micah, Marcon, Marvin..."

"Mordin?"

"Mordin, that's it! Doctor Mordin Solus. He was at the treatment facility for a few months. He was so smart, Garrus, but the man could talk for hours, I swear. Very sweet, though. I remember that much about him. So selfless, all the time. You know, he would stay up with me all night when it was really bad, and he would just talk to me about these crazy adventures that he'd been on. Spirits, he was fascinating."

"Yeah," Garrus said fondly, remembering the salarian's crooked smile when he'd asked him about his...er, relationship with Shepard in the beginning. "He sure was."

"You knew him?"

Garrus nodded and looked up at the ceiling. "He was one of my squadmates when we went to take down the Collectors. I guess he went back to Sur'Kesh for a while after all of that was over, but he'd told us that Wrex had recruited him to cure the genophage."

Caena's mandibles dropped in shock. "You mean Dr. Solus was the one who made the cure for the genophage? You're kidding! Great Spirits, my doctor cured the genophage! Like I said, he was only on Sur'Kesh for a few months, but in that time he'd already begun to synthesize the cure. One of his relatives, his nephew I think he'd said, came in when Mordin left to continue the Corpalis Project. Like I said, what an incredible man." Garrus chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"Lucky you," he said through a grin. "Spirits, I'd have given anything to let him know how much he was appreciated. Especially if I'd known that he played a part in helping you get better. Hell, I _should've_ known he'd be involved with that. It seems that anywhere there was some sort of massive disease that no one else could fix, he'd show up in the nick of time with some magic cure and a way to disperse it."

"He sounds rather like your Shepard, to be quite honest," Caena replied with a sly grin. Garrus smirked and nodded, pondering the thought as she continued. "Always there in the nick of time, doing impossible things. She's quite the hero herself."

"That she is, Mom. That's all the galaxy knows her as at this point, I think. Commander-Spectre-Councilor Shepard, Savior of the Galaxy and Reaper Ass-Kicker Extraordinaire. But to me, she's just Posey Shepard. She never wanted that life, but she took what she had and made the most of it. I love her for that, for how humble she is about it all."

There was a long, peaceful pause, until his mother's brow plate quirked up. "So, son."

"Yes?" Garrus reached for his water glass again, taking a long smooth sip. The smile that still graced her features was making him uneasy, combined with her quizzical expression.

"Should I be saving up credits for a bonding ritual anytime soon?"

Water sputtered out of Garrus's mouth and dribbled down either side of his mandibles as his jaw went slack. "I, um, I mean - I've thought about it, sure, but - "

"Oh calm down," Caena laughed, patting his forearm gently. "We're not rushing you or anything, but it's something to think about. I've seen the way you look at her, Garrus. Even your father approves of her, and you know how big of a deal that is. She's an incredible woman. One that we would be glad to have as a member of our clan."

"Would that even be allowed?" He'd heard of the occasional asari being allowed into a clan, but he'd always figured that was because they could at least produce offspring with their turian partners. He and Shepard were never going to have a biological child, barring some divine intervention, so he'd always wondered if she would be recognized by the Hierarchy as his bondmate.

"The Primarch would be an idiot if he didn't recognize a chosen bondmate of yours, Garrus," Caena chuckled. "From what I hear, you're probably in line for quite the promotion soon. And besides, especially if you are choosing to bond to Shepard, I see no reason there would be trouble. The bond would be welcomed by the Hierarchy, I assure you." Garrus felt like a massive weight had been lifted on his chest, and he thought back to the message Liara had sent him a while back about Shepard's nameplate and the ring he'd bought for her being in the warehouse for him to pick up.

"So you... You'd be okay with that? Shepard being my bondmate?"

"Oh, son." Her subvocals thrummed with pride and emotion as she took his hand in hers again. "All I have ever wanted, since you were just a little fledgling, was to see you happy. And _safe_ , but I guess _that_ didn't happen," she chuckled as she gestured with her free hand at his scarred face. "But I have seen the way you look at her, and how she looks at you. When the two of you are together, it is as though nothing else exists outside of your own little personal bubble. It's quite beautiful. And I adore her, Garrus, I truly do. I would love the opportunity to get to know her better. We spoke at the memorial service for your crew some years ago, and although she was very kind and open with me, I know there is more to discover about her. Especially now that she has you, and is in a happier place."

Garrus hummed thoughtfully and leaned his head back against his pillow. "I'll do it, then. Humans call it marriage," he muttered, the word sounding strange in his mouth. But he liked it all the same. "Yeah, she's definitely it. Bondmate, wife, whatever we call it, I want her. I need her. She's everything I never knew I needed, and I don't ever want to have to live without her again. She's not just the galaxy's savior, Mom, she's my savior. And I want the galaxy to know just how much I feel for her."

Caena's subvocals echoed his own emotions as she bent over to press her forehead to his. "I'm so proud of you, son. And of your mate. You have grown into so much more than I could have ever dreamed. And yet, I sense that you will do so many more great things. I look forward to watching you and Shepard embark upon this journey together." Garrus felt the beginnings of a yawn, and Caena chuckled as she stood slowly and stretched out her long arms. "Sleep well, my son. I will be here when you wake."

 

#

 

Shepard stood outside the door of her apartment, breathless. No. No, no, _please God no_.

Why hadn't Doctor Belen told her about the Corpalis? She'd been right there, it would've been so easy to -

 _Breathe, Shepard,_ she admonished to herself. _There's a cure. He'll be okay._ But even though the rational side of her knew that Corpalis syndrome could be fixed now, the emotional side of her, the side that had lived through seven years of hell without him, quickly began to spiral out of control.

It wasn't like her to eavesdrop on conversations like this, especially not with people she respected and cared for. But she hadn't been able to help herself - when she'd heard the voice of Garrus's mother through the door, sounding more unsettled and concerned even than when Garrus had still been in the hospital, her interest had spiked, and she'd tuned in on her omnitool.

Why hadn't Garrus told her?

Another word caught her interest, and she turned up the volume on the surveillance system running from the apartment's VI. _Bondmate_.

Where there had been an icy block of worry before, working its way through her veins in fear, there was now a blossom of radiant warmth, calming every nerve. It took all of her self-control not to burst through the door of the apartment then to rush over and knock Garrus breathless with a thousand kisses, to hell with the fact that his mother was right there. The idea of being married to Garrus sounded absolutely perfect. Christ, maybe she really would be Councilor Vakarian one day.

 _Whoa, whoa, whoa,_ her rational self contested. _You're getting a little ahead of yourself, there. There are bigger issues to deal with right now._ Her giddiness subsided, and Shepard listened back in to her omnitool. When she heard Caena telling Garrus to sleep, she keyed in her code to open the apartment and walked in, pretending that she hadn't heard a thing.

 

#

 

Kaidan let out a big sigh and leaned back in his chair, relishing the view of the bay from his mother's apartment balcony. It wasn't as great as the view he remembered from his childhood, but it was beautiful all the same. Everything about the Vancouver scene felt familiar, from the condensation sliding down the side of his beer to his mother's quiet humming from the kitchen as she cooked dinner for the two of them. There was something missing, though, that pained him every time he saw his mother.

Liara had given him a heap of datapads, stocked with information she felt was pertinent to the years he was missing from his memory. When he'd read about his father's classification of Missing In Action, it had felt like a knife in the stomach. In talking with his mother, though, she seemed more at peace with it than he would have anticipated. She was just glad to finally have him back at this point, after spending so much time on her own.

Reading through the datapads hadn't helped any with his memories, but it had made for some surprisingly good reading on his extended stay here in Vancouver. The Shadow Broker files - knowing that Liara was the Shadow Broker at one point had absolutely blown his mind - she'd given him had revealed more about just what Shepard meant when she'd said she had died. The recounts of what happened, some of it told in Shepard's own words, had nearly broken his heart. She'd ordered him to go, and he had actually obeyed her. He couldn't believe that he'd left her there to die on that ship, roasting to a crisp over Alchera.

And then she'd been resurrected like some sick, Christ-like figure. Looking at it now, he couldn't even find it in his heart to be angry with her for joining Cerberus. When the files made it clear how little every other galactic agency had done to stop the extermination of the human race, they seemed almost justified. Of course, nothing could account for what he'd read about them later, and the sick experiments he'd seen when chasing Saren. But Shepard had, thank God, risen above them.

He hadn't even been pretended to be genuinely surprised when he read that Shepard had played a major part in curing the krogan genophage. While he'd initially been shocked at all of the massive events that he had been there for, but had no memory of, the more he read the more believable he found it all. And looking out over the horizon now, at the traces of Reaper carcasses that still remained littered about for lack of a better place to put them, he found that a weight he didn't remember existing being lifted from his shoulders.

A soft chime sounded from his wrist, and Kaidan looked down to see his omnitool glowing with a new message.

 **_FROM:COUNCILOR P. SHEPARD_ ** _[loc:newcitadel]_

 **_TO:MJR K. ALENKO_ ** _[loc:vancouver/earth]_

 **_MESSAGE:_ ** _Kaidan, We've finally arranged for a Normandy memorial, for the ones... Everyone who didn't come back. If you can make it, it would mean a lot to all of us. I hope you're doing well in Vancouver. Let me know if you'd like to be there. - P. Shepard [timestamp:17:41GST]_

Kaidan didn't even have to consider it. Of course he would go. He sent a message back to Shepard stating such, before pulling up his vidcomm. He wasn't about to call Shepard, of course. As much as he dreaded the awkwardness of seeing her again, knowing why she wouldn't fully meet his gaze, he had already started to put his past with her behind him. In fact, maybe he was actually looking forward to seeing her again - maybe they could move past this, and he could reconcile with Garrus.

Instead of Shepard, his fingers punched in the code to call Liara, having memorized the code a while back with the frequency of their calls and messages back and forth. She answered almost immediately, her periwinkle face littered with freckles as she smiled at him. They briefly discussed the memorial, which she of course already knew about, and then their topics moved to more entertaining things, as their conversations usually did these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up, I am considering doing another fic (probably FAR shorter) focusing on the Vakarians as they move through Caena's illness, spanning ME2 through her recovery post ME3. Is this something you guys would like to read? Let me know!


	21. Redeamus Memoriam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shepard and the surviving members of all of the Normandy crews come together for some final closure.
> 
> [The title is my best approximation of the Latin translation of 'Revisiting Memories''. All you Latin-speakers out there (because I know you exist), forgive me for inevitably butchering that.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : I can't believe this has gotten over 3000 hits and more than 100 kudos! You guys are so amazing, and I'm so grateful to all of you for supporting this work. I'm so glad that I decided to start writing this story, and every time someone leaves a comment about enjoying this piece it absolutely makes my day. Thank you, thank you, thank you ALL! xx
> 
> *Also: another rather long chapter, sorry!

Shepard was a blur of movement as she roamed around their bedroom in the apartment, packing an extra change of clothes for the both of them as well as their medal boxes from the Alliance and Hierarchy. Her old Alliance dress blues were more snug than they used to be, clinging to every curve more than any military uniform had a right to, and if she had been in a better mood Garrus would've snatched her out of her packing frenzy and swept her up in his arms. But today, unfortunately, they didn't have the luxury of peace of mind.

"Garrus, did you make sure to download the list of recognitions that everyone received to our omnitools?"

"Of course, dear. I took care of everything."

She breathed a relieved sigh and blinked rapidly as she tried to think of what else was left to do. Truth be told, she was looking for any excuse at this point to not have to think about what was coming. But now, she wasn't able to put it off any longer as she gently nestled her and Garrus's black velvet medal boxes into the top of her duffel and zipped it shut, signaling the end of her packing spree. Garrus noticed that she was finished and came up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders tenderly and  pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek.

"Are you ready to go?" he murmured softly, squeezing her shoulders reassuringly. She nodded, well aware that they both knew she wasn't ready for any of this. Garrus grabbed the duffel bag before she could, but on his way to the front door he glanced towards one of the guest bedrooms and paused, his mandibles shifting nervously. After flashing a quick glance forward at her making her way slowly down the stairs, using the handrails for extra support to take the weight off her hip as much as possible, he disappeared for  a moment. Shepard noticed his absence and looked back up towards the railing with furrowed brows.

"Garrus, what are you doing?" she called from the bottom of the steps, crossing her arms impatiently. She wanted this over with as soon as physically possible. He didn't reappear for a solid minute, and just as Shepard was about to hike back up the stairs she saw his head poke over the banister with a solemn expression.

"I'll be right down. I.... I need to show you something."

"Is now really a good time, Garrus?" She loved him, but his newly-developed tendency to make them run late for important things had begun to grate on her nerves. And that was something she absolutely did not need today -  a fact he was well aware of.

"It won't take long, okay?" Upon his reply, Shepard sighed and rolled her eyes, moving to lean against the nearby countertop at the edge of the kitchen. It took Garrus quite a long time to descend the stairs with his prosthetic, especially after their tough therapy session yesterday. But when he finally reached her, her eyes widened at the thing he held in his hands. He didn't hand it over to her right away, brushing a talon over the metallic surface with a distant gaze. When she cleared her throat nervously, he blinked suddenly and looked up at her.  Wordlessly, he held the long, slender rectangle out towards her, and her breath caught in her throat. Her fingers traced her name etched into the plate unconsciously, as she stared right into the face of the evidence that she probably should have been dead (twice now, not even counting all the times she'd nearly died on the battlefield).

"You... You kept this?" Her words were choked, and she inwardly cursed herself for the sudden bubbling up of emotions that she had promised herself to keep in check today. Garrus just nodded, his hands wringing uncomfortably as he watched her ponder the name plate. "But why didn't you.... Why wasn't it on the wall, with everyone else's?"

He obviously had been expecting that question, if the drawn-out sigh and nervous scratching at his neck gave any indication. Posey could hear the lowest notes coming from him, the beginnings of a deep and relentless keening that she knew would incapacitate him if she did not intervene. She shook her head slowly and mirrored his sigh, looking up into his solemn aquamarine eyes. When she'd calmed herself enough to keep her voice from cracking, she murmured to him quietly.

"You know what, never mind. I don't need to know." It took all the strength she had to put the name plate down on the kitchen counter, but when it was done she reached for Garrus and pulled him close. There was a deep, sad rumbling in his chest as his arms wrapped around her and she returned the gesture, taking a moment to mentally steel herself for the day. When she pulled back, she put a hand to Garrus's smooth mandible and gave him a small smile. He leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.

"Are you ready?" he said quietly, subvocals betraying the fact that he was no more prepared for this than she was, even though she'd technically done it before. She nodded despite this, taking the duffel from Garrus's shoulder and replacing it with his cane. He would've protested had it been any other day, but now he was silent and accepted the cane with a gracious nod.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Shepard said calmly, smoothing out the front of her dress blues carefully before walking out the door of the apartment.

 

#

 

 _Admiral Hackett has really outdone himself this time,_ Posey thought to herself as the door of her skycar lifted, letting her out at the edge of the vibrant green expanse that was the Presidium Fields. As much as she would have liked to do this somewhere more private, Hackett had insisted that this second memorial service, more for closure than anything, take place at the site of the memorial they had erected a few months after the Citadel had been recovered enough for habitation. Even from two hundred yards away, Shepard could see the pristine platinum rendition of the Normandy SR-2, glimmering in the artificial daylight of the Citadel. Just to the side of the immense statue, harder to see until they drew closer, was a small gathering of chairs and a small podium, with several armed Spectres standing outside the ring of chairs to ward off curious spectators and ravenous media.

Posey wasn't ready for this, at all. No matter how briefly she spoke today, even if she somehow managed to avoid eye contact with everyone the entire time, she was not going to be able to keep it together. That strength had left her long ago.

At the first memorial, so many years ago now, they hadn't asked her to give a big long speech. She'd simply said a few words about how brave her crew had been, how she'd never known any finer soldiers than those who had served at her side all those years. The whole time she'd felt numb with grief, so there had been no tears at the service. No emotional breakdown, no public display of mourning or sorrow for the Citadel News Network to pant over. She was well aware, though, that she was no longer numb to the memory of her dear friends. And even though some of them had made it back, it wasn't going to be enough to keep her from reliving every teammate's death that she'd seen. Every day, little things wore her down, and it killed her to know that she was nowhere near the woman she used to be. These were things she hadn't voiced to Garrus, knowing that he would do his best to console her when there was really nothing to be done. She was a woman changed now, so far departed from her former self that she wasn't sure she'd recognize Commander Shepard, Savior of the Galaxy and Reaper-Ass-Kicker Extraordinaire, if she saw her in the mirror. Even donning her old dress blues today hadn't been enough to make her feel any semblance of her former self, instead making her feel even more like a fake, a poorly-made counterfeit of the impenetrable, indestructible woman that the galaxy had once known her as.

Commander Shepard had been bold, brave, a game-changer. Someone who stared down death on countless occasions, and overcame insurmountable odds to do things no one had ever dreamed of.

Councilor Shepard was just a watered-down woman who cried too much, was angered too easily, and still relived every huge mistake she'd ever made (and, unfortunately for her, there just so happened to be a lot of those).

But today, she would do her best to put on that Commander mask, to replicate her old powerful tone of voice and the proud way she'd always carried herself. If not for herself, for her friends, or at least what few of them were here anyway.

Drawing closer to the memorial, she saw that most of the people who had RSVP'ed to her had already gathered around the cluster of chairs, talking quietly in small groups of two or three. Samara was the first to notice Shepard's approach, and she broke off from her conversation with Tali and Jacob Taylor to greet Shepard with a hug.

"Hello, my friend," the matriarch said serenely, extending the embrace for just an extra moment with a little squeeze of Shepard's shoulders. "It has been too long." Shepard nodded in agreement as Samara moved to greet Garrus with a handshake.

"Good to see you too, Samara," Shepard said quietly. "How is Falere?"

"She is well, thank you. The monastery has finished reconstruction, and she already has four girls who have enrolled of their own accord. It is nice to see so many who are willing to turn themselves over, rather than forcing me to chase them down."

"So you're still out hunting Ardat-Yakshi, then?"

Samara nodded slowly, her eyes closing for a brief moment. "A Justicar's oath is for life, Shepard. I will be out roaming the galaxy until the day I pass into the embrace of the Goddess, whenever that may come. I believe I still have quite a while left, though, and as you humans would say there's a lot of life left in these old bones. I am still a couple of centuries off from 1000, so I have no intentions of quitting or dying soon."

"Good to hear," Shepard replied with a warm smile. "I wish you all the best of luck."

"To you as well, Shepard." With that, the justicar moved off to another small pocket of conversation, and Shepard walked over to join Jacob as Tali's omnitool pinged loudly and she moved away to answer the message. Jacob had aged well since the first memorial - fatherhood had brought out just a frosting of gray at his temples, and she noticed the beginnings of deep laughter lines set amongst his rich, dark skin. His smile was brilliant white as he embraced Shepard heartily, clapping her on the back before greeting Garrus as well.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he grinned at Garrus, who flicked his mandibles back in a smile as he nodded.

"Jacob, how've you been?" Garrus's subvocals were still solemn, but if anyone else noticed they didn't say anything as Jacob laughed and pulled up his omnitool's interface.

"Busy, busy," he replied, extending his arm to show Garrus and Shepard the picture he had pulled up. The little boy was beautiful, almost seven years old and looking every bit like the handsome man his father was, sporting jet-black hair, though curly and wild where Jacob's was short and neatly trimmed. Gabriel had also inherited his father's rich chocolate eyes, as well as his mother's flawless caramel skin. As Jacob swiped to the next picture, he chuckled softly. "This kid has more energy than you'd believe, it's crazy. Brynn's got him at home right now, they would've come but Gabriel's got school tomorrow."

"He's grown up so much," Shepard cooed, leaning forward to get a better look at the picture. The last time she'd seen Jacob's son in person,  he had been just a tiny little thing, cradled in Shepard's arms at the reception after Jacob and Brynn's wedding. She had held him all night, rocking back and forth and marveling at the way his teeny tiny fingers had grasped around hers so firmly, refusing to let go even at the end of the night when Brynn came by to feed him.

"That he has, Shepard," Jacob laughed again, swiping the interface to a few more pictures. "Brynn doesn't know it, but I've already got him training with pistols. Kid's a crack shot, I tell you."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from your kid, Jacob," Garrus said fondly as Shepard leaned into his shoulder. Jacob smirked and closed the interface, shrugging.

"What can I say? Alliance training is nothing if not effective."

"I can second that," Shepard interjected, and the two men looked at her and chuckled along with her.

" Cerberus may have ended up being a bunch of assholes with guns, but in the beginning they trained pretty well, if I recall correctly." Shepard turned at the interjection, feeling her face crack into a brilliant smile as she instantly recognized the sway of the full hips walking towards her.

"Miranda!" The woman's raven hair was swept into a loose braid over one shoulder, arcing down around a perfect bosom and long enough to reach her ridiculously small waist. Unlike the rest of Shepard's friends, Miranda's youthful features had stood the test of time, and she still looked just as young as she had the day she'd killed her father, Henry Lawson.  Shepard figured she probably would have aged nearly as well as Miranda, had her cybernetics not been so strained in the Battle of London. She'd been able to heal relatively quickly, but there were many scars that had not and probably never would heal.

Miranda's teeth were perfect and shiny white as she smiled back at Shepard and embraced her tightly for a few moments. As they broke apart, Miranda opened her mouth as if to say something but was interrupted by a weathered, tired-sounding voice from the center of the small gathering. Admiral Hackett waited for everyone to quiet down and cleared his throat, gesturing towards the chairs.

"If you'll all go ahead and get seated," he said solemnly, "we can go ahead and begin." The various people acknowledged the request and moved slowly towards the seats, leaving Shepard and Garrus standing towards the back as she felt her throat close up. Garrus's fingers wove their way into hers and he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

"You can do this. Just read what you've put together, Posey. We've practiced this at home, and I know you don't feel ready but this isn't something you can ever really be prepared for. Just say what you can. I'll be right there for you, the whole time. I promise."

Posey nodded and swallowed, walking towards Hackett at the small podium. He nodded towards her and took his seat in the front row of chairs, and Garrus followed to sit next to him. She took a moment to clear her throat quietly and compose herself before pulling up the interface of her omnitool and scrolling through to find the file she'd prepared. When she looked up, she briefly surveyed the faces of the people who'd been able to show up. She made a brief mental note to speak to the few she hadn't seen before the memorial started, including Jack in the back row and Kaidan on the edge of the second row of chairs. Grunt and Wrex took up half of the third row by themselves, but they had chosen to sit on the very edge as Wrex was going to need to leave quickly to get back to Tuchanka for some sort of meeting with all of the clan leaders, if Shepard remembered his message correctly.

As the final murmurings of the small gathering quieted, Shepard's eyes flicked back down to her omnitool. She took a deep, slow breath, looked back up towards Garrus and met his gaze for support, and then began to speak.

"Hello, everyone." Two words out of the gate, and she already hated how weak her voice sounded. But she had already started, and now she would have to continue. "I'm really glad that all of you could make it out here for this. This isn't going to be formal or anything, but I - we, Garrus and I and Admiral Hackett - felt like this would bring some sort of finality to everything we've all been through together. The last time we were all here, some of us still held on to the hope that the crew of the Normandy would one day be found safe. I'd like to quickly say thank you to everyone who hoped with me, who never gave up even when I had. Without you all, I don't know what I would have done with myself these past years.

"Even though we all held on to hope for so long, it was so incredibly unexpected when the Normandy docked on the Citadel a couple of months ago. And the fact that even one of the crew was alive, let alone four, was more than I could have asked for at that point. I know that we all wish more had come back, but... To be honest, guys, a selfish part of me is just glad to have those four. Joker, Kaidan, Liara, and..." Shepard's voice trailed off as she realized that there were two familiar faces that she hadn't seen in her survey of the crowd earlier. It was a little harder to recognize Joker without his facial scruff, but even here at a memorial he would've been wearing his old baseball cap, and it was absent from the group of faces before her. She also didn't see the speckled blue of Liara's crest anywhere amongst them, and she knew for a fact that Liara had responded affirmatively to the invitation to the memorial. However, there was nothing to be done about it now, although Shepard absolutely hated the idea of two of the SR--2 survivors not being able to attend the memorial and receive their medals and recognitions the way they should have so long ago.

"And Garrus," she finished as her train of thought jumped back onto its tracks. "The four of them made it back, by some miracle. Thinking back on all of those who didn't return with them, I thank whatever higher powers there are, every day, to have you all here in my life. Seeing you all out amongst the galaxy, doing the incredible things you were born to do... Death was always a part of war, something that was going to happen no matter what we did to prevent it. But every single one of us that took part in the war, was prepared for sacrifices. And while some of us made greater sacrifices than others, the things you have done with your lives now have honored their memories and the sacrifices they made. By leading nations, keeping the peace, tracking down criminals, and even raising families, you have made all of the suffering, the scars, the wounds of the past mean something. You've made everything we went through worthwhile. And, honestly, that's all we can do, now that so many of our friends and colleagues are gone. We... we, um..." Her throat began to close again of its own accord, choking her words, and she stopped. Her hands balled into tight fists on top of the podium as she closed her eyes, doing her best to dam the imminent flood of tears as long as possible. She was almost there, almost to the end of her speech, and then she could cry as much as she pleased once she got home.

But for now, she still had to finish. There was an understanding in the silence as she fought for control of her voice, a knowing look on the face of every person in the crowd that said they had shed just as many tears and spent just as many nights tossing and turning over the same things that were choking her up now. The idea that they'd all been there, they'd all suffered through the nightmares and survivor's guilt just as she had, gave her the last little ounce of strength that she needed to push through. She steadied herself, laid her palms flat against the podium, and inhaled deeply.

"We are what is left of their memory," she said with much more confidence than she actually felt. Garrus's eyes met hers and he nodded almost imperceptibly at her. "And it is up to us," she continued, feeling better by the second, "to make sure that they live on with us, and that they are always a part of us." With the quietest sigh of relief that she could manage, Shepard shut down her omnitool and walked towards Admiral Hackett, who stood and shook her hand firmly before taking her place at the podium. She sat down where he'd been sitting and Garrus's hand moved to her knee and he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

Admiral Hackett's piece was far less emotional, being only a reading of the recognitions the crew of the Normandy ships, both SR-1 and SR-2, had received at the first memorial.  The entirety of both crews had been awarded a Galactic Unit Citation, well-deserved in everyone's eyes. The turian Nova Cluster, which Shepard remembered presenting to Ashley William's family a decade ago, was now given to James Vega, Steven Cortez, Jeff Moreau, Garrus Vakarian, Liara T'Soni, Kaidan Alenko, Admiral David Anderson, Urdnot Grunt, Tali'Koris vas Normandy, and Shepard herself. The same group of people had also received a Palladium Star, and Shepard thumbed the medal on her chest as Hackett re-read the list of names. The weight of recognitions on her chest was far too heavy for her, and the gleaming pieces of silver and gold no longer brought her any pride as they shone from amongst the rich fabric of her dress blues.

The Alliance had chosen to honor the human members of the crew that had been far less well-known by the galaxy with the Star of Terra, for which Shepard was immensely grateful. At the first memorial, it had brought her at least a small amount of peace to  know that she would have some sort of recognition, some sort of galactic honor to send back to the families of Privates Copeland and Westmoreland, Adams, and the numerous other human staff members that had kept the Normandy ships up and running, along with Doctor Chakwas. Admiral Hackett had  taken care of Karin's medal box all these years, seeing as she no longer had any family to send them to.

Wrex had chosen to honor those who helped with the genophage as well with the creation of the Krogan Hammer medallion, signifying great contributions to the betterment of the krogan race. That award had been given to a much smaller group, consisting only of those that Shepard had taken on the ground team to Tuchanka (Tali and Garrus, as it were), plus Admiral Anderson and Chakwas.

When Admiral Hackett had finished recounting the long list of awards and recognitions, he looked out across those seated. In his deep, tired voice he said, "Does anyone else have anything they'd like to say now, before we wrap this up?"

Everyone was quiet, but looked around at each other as if waiting for someone else to go first. Shepard knew they probably all had things to say that they couldn't bring themselves to say six years ago, but she was truly ready to be done with this ceremony. Still, no one spoke up, and Admiral Hackett took the hint after a few moments and cleared his throat, powering down his omnitool.

"In that case, I - "

"Wait!"

The entire group of people turned around towards the back of the little ring of chairs, where they could see a blue figure running full-speed across the field towards them. As Liara drew closer, they saw behind her two other people, jogging more slowly. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as she recognized Joker's baseball cap, but she couldn't put a finger on who the other person was beside him. When Liara reached the back row of chairs, she bent over and put her hands on her knees for a moment to catch her breath, also allowing time for Joker and the  mystery figure to catch up. When they were all three there, Shepard's eyes narrowed. This woman next to Joker looked somewhat familiar, but she couldn't think of why. Her dirty-blonde hair was swept back into a casual ponytail with a fringe of bangs sweeping down over her forehead, almost obscuring the woman's startlingly green eyes, and her lightly tanned skin covered what looked to be a very slender figure beneath an old asari-style lab coat with green trim. Joker's face was split wide open in a smile, and Liara's eyes gleamed with excitement as she practically bounced around the mystery woman.

"I'm so, so sorry we're late everyone," Liara said excitedly as her hands came to rest on the woman's shoulders. The woman smiled over her shoulder at the asari, revealing a set of bleach white, perfectly straight teeth behind full pinkish lips. "But we had someone we needed to pick up first. Everyone, it is my absolute pleasure to introduce you to the new and improved, EDI."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon Note:  
> The Galactic Unit Citation, Palladium Star, Turian Nova Cluster, and Star of Terra are all Bioware-created awards used in-game, as found on the Mass Effect wiki. The Krogan Hammer was an award I just made up, because I thought it was reasonable that the krogan would have their own recognition for those who'd done their race a great service. All rights to races and awards and the Mass Effect universe go to Bioware, obviously. I just take creative liberties sometimes.


	22. Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which EDI's choice of skin matrix design is discussed, Garrus tries something new, and Posey glows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another very long chapter! These last few are probably all going to be of a similar length, as there is a lot I need to cover in conversations but I don't want to break them up oddly.

Even though Shepard was sitting two feet away from her, looking her up and down with her own two eyes, it was so very hard to believe that EDI was back. At first, the blonde hair and golden-tan skin had thrown her off, but upon a closer look it was obvious that it was still EDI's body. The facial structure was the same, it just looked very different when covered with a skin matrix.

That, apparently, was EDI's favorite part of her new makeover. Besides being alive again, of course - she was very fond of that little detail.

Liara hadn't given them many details on EDI's reconstruction when they'd showed up at the memorial, so Shepard had arranged to meet the two women for coffee a couple of hours later. True to form, they had all showed up perfectly on time, a trait that all three of them appreciated in equal measure. Upon arrival at the coffee shop, Shepard had placed an order for a coffee for herself and an asari beverage called _paenna_ that Liara had grown extremely fond of. The purplish-black liquid steamed in the mug as it was set in front of Liara, and Shepard took a long, savoring sip of her extra-espresso-shot, two-creams-three-sugars coffee, sitting back with a contented smile. When she looked up, she realized that the waitress had set something down in front of EDI as well. She was just about to comment on not needing it, but EDI simply smiled and put the mug to her lips, drinking it just like any normal human being would. Shepard quirked an eyebrow at her, and EDI simply shrugged.

"I must be able to fully assimilate into civilization, Shepard," she said as one might say when explaining mass effect fields to a toddler. "Eating and drinking give me no nutritional benefits, but I do have processors that can convert a small portion of the energy created by metabolism into power that this mobile platform can use. In addition, participating in ingestion of food and beverages makes me seem more natural, more normal." Posey couldn't help but smirk at the fact that, whatever may have changed about EDI, her vocabulary still remained so incredibly proper that no one in their right minds would ever think she was normal, skin matrix or not. But truth be told, EDI's speech patterns was just one of the many things about the AI that Shepard had missed all these years.

"So tell me," Posey said as she leaned back once more in her chair. "How exactly did this" - she waved a finger up and down at EDI's new and improved self - "all come about? And why weren't any of us informed about it earlier?"

Liara set her cup down after another long sip and pulled out a datapad from her ever-present bag. She handed it over to Shepard with a grin.

"When the Normandy crash-landed, it took  us a few days to realize that EDI was completely shut down. We thought for the longest time that she was just gone, that there was nothing left of her until we got the ship up and running again. But one day, when I was down tinkering with some of the AI core parts in engineering, I decided that it couldn't hurt to try to download some of her files onto external storage devices to see if the files could be transferred elsewhere, i.e. back into her mobile platform. The first thing I downloaded was her personality matrix, and I gave that flashdrive to Jeff for safekeeping. It... it helped him, I think. A little bit, anyway. But then I made other OSD's, containing some of her simpler operating programs. I knew right off the bat that I wouldn't be able to save all of her operating systems - and I didn't expect that we'd need a full cyberwarfare suite anytime soon. Once we got back to the Citadel, this was the first thing I set about doing. It took a lot of work and a lot of help from my Shadow Broker contacts, but once we got her body going it was rather easy to reinstall the programs and her personality matrix."

"That's..." Shepard was lost for words, a truly rare occasion. "Wow. So how much of EDI were you able to save?"

The AI spoke up, folding her hands together and leaning on the table in as human a gesture as Shepard had ever seen. "Personality-wise, I am complete. My memories are almost all intact, save for a few brief episodes that I deemed low-priority when compared to remembering my interactions with the crew. The biggest pieces that are missing are my higher-level operating systems. I am no longer fully integrated with the Normandy, for better or worse I guess.  It will not have the cyberwarfare capabilities that it did when I was a part of it, but I can still infiltrate most security systems through this platform. That, and my systems run quite a bit slower than I am used to. Still, however, they are much more advanced than a human brain."

"And where's the skin matrix from?" Shepard asked, peering again at the forest-green eyes beneath EDI's fringe bangs. The AI smiled.

"You can thank Ms. Lawson for that. When Cerberus fell apart, Miranda was able to acquire a great deal of their research pertaining to my creation. She then helped to recreate the skin matrix originally used for this body, along with helping me to program a new 'style' for myself. It is liberating to be able to walk about on my own as a free citizen, rather than pretending to be a Personal Assistance Mech for Jeff. He had said before that he 'had a thing for blondes', so I decided to surprise him. He.... seems to appreciate it," she said with a sly grin. Shepard almost thought she could see a hint of blush creep into her cheeks, but perhaps she was imagining it. In any case, she was incredibly glad to see this new version of EDI sitting in front of her, chattering away as if nothing had changed.

They talked for another couple of hours, until Garrus pinged Shepard to remind her of their physical therapy appointment that evening. Shepard excused herself after giving Liara and EDI each a warm, firm hug, and she then summoned a taxi to take her up to the Outpatient Services Ward of Chakwas Memorial Hospital.

 

#

 

As always, their therapy session had been grueling, and Shepard's hips were really acting up today after standing for so long at the memorial. Garrus was extremely relieved when Denise had handed him a slip of paper with a scribble he couldn't read. Shepard had snatched the scrap out of his hand and grinned at Denise when she realized what it said. After a nod of thanks, Shepard grabbed Garrus's hand and pulled him gently toward their skycar.

Garrus still didn't understand why Shepard was so excited when she entered a small, clinic-looking office down in Zakera Ward and spoke briefly with a receptionist. The asari punched in a few things on her computer interface and then stood up gracefully, gesturing for them to follow her down a dimly-lit hallway. He didn't miss the way Shepard smirked when he grabbed her hand, questioning more and more where exactly they were going.

His fears melted away when the asari stopped suddenly, tapped a panel on the wall, and waved them into a small room lit only by candles, with a small bed made for a single human and a similar one in a turian make. Posey looked up at him and grinned, winking as the door slid shut behind them. The asari called from outside, "If you will both please remove your clothes and get comfortable under the sheets, someone will be right with you."

"Shepard, what the hell is this?" Garrus said quietly, feeling anticipation broil in his stomach. She said nothing in response, instead moving in front of him and taking his cane from his hand and laying it down beside the turian bed. When she stood back up again, slowly so as not to hurt her aching joints any further than the therapy session already had, her fingers brushed softly against the various war medals on his chest, pinned to his old Hierarchy dress uniform. The bronzes and silvers clinked quietly against each other, jingling even more when Shepard began to slowly unbuckle each of the seven clasps down the front of his tunic. Garrus couldn't help but rumble at her in pleasant surprise, and when his hands moved to help  her with a particularly difficult clasp she brushed his hands away. It only took her a few moments to finish with all of the various buckles, and then she was hanging his tunic on a coat rack he hadn't noticed before in the back corner of the room. Rather than waiting for her to come back to him, he crossed the room as silently as he could, brushing his hands over her waist as she turned to face him. His talons brushed against the top button of her navy blue jacket, and he could feel her heart racing through the thin fabric of her collar. She nodded slowly, and Garrus quickly removed her jacket, and shirt as well. They each took it upon themselves to take care of their own trousers, as there was quite a bit of positioning and patience required to remove their pants without hurting themselves these days.

When Shepard was down to just her underwear, she suddenly seemed to withdraw a bit, folding her arms across her torso and drawing her long, loose hair down around her shoulders. Garrus tried to meet her gaze, but she seemed intent to focus on the floor. She did whisper, though, in that firm but gentle Commander voice of hers, for him to close his eyes. Garrus, unsure of what to expect, did as she instructed and held his breath as a silence fell over the dim room, broken only by the soft click of a bra clasp and the rustling of sheets.

"You can open your eyes now," Shepard said, and even before he looked at her he could tell she was smiling again. He let out a small sigh, and followed her lead, crawling under the sheets of the turian bed and lying flat on his stomach as she was. He had expected it to be uncomfortable, lying like that, but there was a large indent with space enough for his keelbone to rest comfortably, as well as accommodations made for his long, sharp toes.

Just as he settled in and turned his head to grin at Shepard, there was a knock at the door and two more asari entered, both wearing long white uniforms that covered much more skin than was typical of an asari garment. One of them moved to Garrus's side and one to Shepard's, and Garrus saw Posey's face instantly drop into one of bliss as her attendant's fingers pressed firmly into her shoulders.

He had never had a massage before, but getting one now was making him seriously question why he had never done this. Every ounce of tension leached from his bones, and he couldn't contain his hums of relief as fingers found every tight point in his body that he'd never known existed. Within minutes he felt lighter than air, and if the peaceful look on Shepard's face said anything, she appreciated the attendant's ministrations as much as he did.

Garrus couldn't say how long they were in there, and no words passed between the two of them as the attendants pressed and kneaded away the aches of their therapy sessions. When the masseuses paused for just a moment to retrieve a small vial of oil for his plates and scented oil to rub into Shepard's skin, Garrus took the opportunity to reach out and take Posey's hand, purring when her fingers curled around his. She smiled serenely at him as her eyes opened slowly, their lavender hue looking more of a dawn grey in the sparse candlelight.

Suddenly, her gaze shifted away from his and her brow furrowed, as if in thought. She opened her mouth to speak, then shook her head and closed her eyes again. Garrus waited a few more moments for her to speak, but when she didn't, he began to grow concerned.

"What is it, Posey?"

Her eyes flickered open again, this time full of doubt. Garrus tightened his hold on her hand and she returned the pressure, still refusing to look him in the eye. Finally, she whispered something, so quietly that even Garrus's advanced turian hearing couldn't pick up on it. "What was that?" Garrus murmured reassuringly, brushing his thumb over the back of her hand. Stormy eyes met his own.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

His heart sank. There was only one thing that he could think of that would bring on a question like this, but he was nowhere near prepared to have this conversation with her right now. How - and when, for that matter - had she even found out about it?

"I..." There was no pretending that he didn't know what she was asking. "How did you know?"

She let out a heavy sigh closed her eyes, pulling her free hand up to rest under her cheek. "When your mother came to visit, I got home pretty quickly from getting our lunches but before I opened the door I heard you both talking and I just... Garrus, you know I don't like to eavesdrop but I couldn't help it, not after hearing what you were talking about."

"How much did you hear, then?"

"Enough."

Garrus winced, and his mandibles fluttered as he struggled for something to say. "I know I should've told you sooner, Posey. I just... I don't know, it seems like you always have something that's got you so stressed out, and I didn't feel right adding to that pile."

"Garrus...." There was enough pain in her voice to make him realize that not telling her immediately had been a terrible decision on his part. "Nothing in my life is more important than you. Your safety. You should know that. Just because the Council keeps me busy doesn't mean I don't have time for you - you are my number one priority now, and you always will be."

He found himself speechless once again, but as he went to squeeze her hand she pulled away and tucked her other arm under her chin, staring straight ahead. "I can't believe you didn't tell me," she whispered, and he detected more than a hint of anger in her voice.

"Posey, I - "

"No, Garrus. There's not an excuse for this. I get that you don't want to worry me, okay? I do. I understand that more than you could ever know. But stuff like this? You only make it worse by hiding things like this from me. I love you, Garrus, and you have to trust that I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe."

"This isn't something you can keep me safe from, though. You can't control this."

She pushed herself up abruptly, twisting towards him with fire in her eyes. As the sheet covering her torso fell down, Garrus had to clamp down on his subharmonics as they threatened to rumble with appreciation at the sight of her half-naked in front of him. For the first time, though, he began to notice just how many scars were etched across her chest and abdomen, a patchwork of twisted pink flesh and pale crescents against the expanse of her ivory skin.

"I damn well can't keep you safe if you don't tell me anything, Garrus!"

_If she wasn't so angry_ , he thought to himself, _this would be a very interesting situation._

"I just told you, I didn't want to worry you!"

"Well just look where that got you!" The door swished open again, and the two attendants entered but stopped abruptly when they saw Shepard's furious glare directed at them. "We need a moment alone, if you don't mind," she practically growled at them, and the two asari couldn't scramble back out of the room fast enough.

"Posey, please calm down. We can talk about this later, okay? Denise said - "

"No, it is not _okay_! None of this is _okay_!" Her voice caught a bit as she scrambled out of the bed and limped to the corner, pulling on her clothes quickly. Garrus sighed and sat up, putting his head in his hands as Shepard angrily fastened the buttons of her jacket. "We'll finish this discussion at home," she muttered darkly, picking his cane up off the floor beside his bed and handing it to him. He dressed quickly and followed her out of the clinic, noticing that the faint biotic glow emanating from Posey was drawing attention from passerby.

The short cab ride back to the apartment was completely silent, but at least Shepard's biotics weren't flaring any brighter than they had in the clinic. She sat pressed against the window, bathed in violet light as she refused to look at him. When he could see the Sunset Strip from his window in the distance, he turned to her.  "I have my mother's case files at home. We can go over them, if you want." She shrugged halfheartedly, still not meeting his eyes, and Garrus sighed but didn't press the issue further.

When they finally got home, Garrus could tell that she wasn't in any mood to discuss their argument. He pulled off his jacket and hung it in the closet of the guest bedroom downstairs, where they kept all of their uniforms. As he walked back by the kitchen, he noticed Shepard peering through the refrigerator, but she closed the door when she didn't see anything that she wanted.

As gently as he could manage, Garrus said to her, "I'm going to go shower, okay? You can... join me, if you want. But I understand if you don't." She nodded at his words and he retreated upstairs, turning on the shower in their master bathroom. He removed his shirt slowly, followed by his loose trousers. After hanging them up, he listened to hear Shepard coming up the stairs. He heard nothing. He waited another couple of minutes, before deciding to go check on her. As he limped down the stairs, he saw her standing at the kitchen counter over her jacket, which she'd removed and laid out gently in front of her. Drawing closer, he realized that she'd ripped all of her various medals out of the material, leaving small holes and tears across the entire chest of the garment. She looked up when she heard the click of his talons against tile, and her eyes softened.

"I hate these medals, Garrus," she whispered quietly. "All of them. They're so... so pointless. What good does a chunk of silver do, huh? All they ever talk about is all the good things I've done, all the people I supposedly saved... What about the bad stuff? What about all the mistakes I've made, the people who have died under my command? They don't ever talk about them."

Garrus crossed to her, folding her up in his arms and resting his cheek against the top of her head. She curled up against his chest and sucked in a deep, shuddering breath.

"I've done so many things wrong, Garrus," she whispered, voice filling with tears. "I sent you guys away from Earth, and I will never forgive myself for that. If I hadn't sent you away, if I'd told you to stick around or something, they'd all still be here. Traynor, Chakwas, all of them." She wiped her eyes as she pulled out of his embrace, staring down again at the pile of medals on the countertop. "I wouldn't be sending home these stupid medals in little velvet boxes, like some kind of shitty hollow apology. It's my fault the Normandy crash-landed on that goddamn planet, and then maybe you wouldn't have Corpalis and maybe -"

Garrus stopped her, pressing a finger to her lips. She let him wrap her up in his arms again, shaking quietly as she tried to withhold an emotional breakdown. He barely heard her say into his chest, "I did this to you."

"Posey, none of this is your fault. Fate does what it wants, and we have no way of controlling it. Look at me," he said gently, raising her chin with a finger to look her in the eyes. "If you hadn't sent us off of Earth, who knows what might have happened? We could've been shot down by Harbinger, crashed in London, any number of things. You made the best decision available. There is nothing to forgive yourself for. You are one woman - an amazing woman, and one that I love more than life itself. But a woman all the same. Nothing in this life is perfect, and there is no possible way to foresee all of the consequences of our actions. You saved a galaxy, Posey. They couldn't have done it without you. I couldn't do... _this_ without you. Corpalis is a scary thing, sure. But they have a cure, you know that. Otherwise my mother wouldn't be here. Sure, going through treatment is going to suck. But you'll be there, right beside me. Just like I'll always be there for you, no matter what you're going through. You're my top priority too, Posey. Always."

She sniffled a little and wiped her eyes again with the back of her hand, before pressing her forehead to the plates of his chest.

"I can't lose you, Garrus. Not again."

"You aren't going to. Not ever." Her shaking slowly subsided as he gently rocked her back and forth, and when her tears had stopped she took his hand and led him back upstairs to the shower. He was already undressed, but she brushed away his hands when he offered to help her with her clothing. As he stepped into the shower, steam blurred his vision but he could still see the outline of her body stepping out of her navy trousers and pulling off her undershirt over her head. The black of her bra hit the floor, and then she was stepping into the shower beside him. Her long, crimson hair hung in a curtain that mostly obscured the scars he'd noticed earlier, her hands covering the rest of it in a gesture that said she was trying to hide from him. Garrus softened his gaze, reaching up to pull her hands away from her body. She resisted a little at first, looking up at him with anxiety in her eyes, but when he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead she relaxed and let her arms fall away from her torso. Garrus swept her hair behind her shoulder and took in the way her body looked now, after a decade since they'd first met.

Her body was not the lithe, combat-trained stealth machine it had once been. Not to say that she was not still in good physical condition, but he knew that she was never going to be combat-ready again. She knew it too. Her muscles and joints just couldn't handle the strain anymore, even with the cybernetics' support.

But he still thought she was the most incredible piece of artwork he'd ever seen, even with the scars both new and old that laced a pattern across her chest and down her right side. She looked away from him as he traced each one gently, mapping this new texture of her skin so he could begin to memorize every ridge and break, every line and pull of skin. For the scars on her neck, he pressed a kiss to each of them in turn and grinned when he felt her shudder beneath his hot breath.

"You are so beautiful, Posey," he said quietly as he pulled back to cup her face in his hands. She gave him a small, sad smile and closed her eyes, stepping forward a little bit so she could wrap her arms around his waist. The way she was standing allowed the hot water to splash down over her hair, and Garrus ran his hands over the thick bundle of crimson. He felt Posey smile against his chest when he popped open the bottle of what she called 'shampoo', its familiar vanilla and rose scent assaulting his senses as he worked it gently through her hair. As he massaged her scalp, he felt more than heard her hums of approval, trying her best as she always did to emulate the sounds he often made in his second set of vocal cords. When she tipped her head back to rinse the suds from her hair, Garrus snuck in a quick kiss to her forehead, then her cheek, then her lips, wanting nothing more right now than to ease her pain, to make her know just how much he loved her. How much he had _always_ loved her, and always would.

While she scrubbed his plates with his cleansing oil and a stiff-wired brush, Garrus thought about what their life was going to be like from now on. He knew from his discussion with his mother and reading over her case files that this whole Corpalis thing wasn't going to be easy. But then again, when had their life ever been easy? It had always been like this, one thing after another going wrong until neither of them quite remembered what it was like to be at rest.

Maybe rest, then, wasn't what they needed. After so long apart, maybe these trials and hardships were what it would take to bring back the people they used to be. Both of them knew, when they caught stolen glances at each other when one of them wasn't looking, that neither of them was the same person they'd been at the Battle of London.

And Garrus was okay with that. If the years without Shepard - that expanse of time where the only thing he could do to ease the pain was try (and fail) to forget every touch, every taste that they'd shared - had taught him anything, it was that he no longer bore any resemblance to that stubborn, independent C-Sec Officer that had strutted about on the Normandy like he owned the place. He was no longer awkward with his feelings, afraid of how much he loved the woman standing in front of him. Where once he could imagine no other home but the silver mountains of Palaven, now he could find no rest anywhere but in her arms.

She was his home now, and he was hers. Whatever was to come, whatever the next thing that the galaxy decided to throw at them, he knew that they would face it together, head-on. Not without fear - they loved each other too much not to dread a life without one another. Not without questions - neither of them would ever have all the answers to life's riddles.

But Garrus knew now, staring at her eyes and their odd, pastel-lilac hue that had always reminded him of a precious gemstone found on Palaven, that there would always be love. There would always be trust, faith in each other. Unconditional acceptance of each others' faults and flaws, no matter how severe.

There would always, from here on out, be the two of them, Shepard and Vakarian, fighting together against whatever was thrown their way. And this soft little human, so full of fire and spirit and life, was the best life partner he possibly imagine. As their luck usually went, the odds of a peaceful and relaxed life weren't in their favor. But with the two of them united, facing their trials as a team?

Garrus liked their chances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has definitely been my favorite chapter to write so far (besides the last chapter, which I've mostly completed and am very pleased with)! Please let me know what you guys think!


	23. Family and Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a couple of time-jumps, just a heads-up! 
> 
> This chapter is also not incredibly plot-heavy, it's more of a short chapter to kind of move things along. I hope you guys don't mind that this chapter is a little light on fluff/angst/drama/whatever. Only two more chapters left to go! Just another quick thank you as well to all of those who have constantly supported this, I can't express how grateful I am for you guys. xx

**_*Four Months Later*_ **

Shepard's legs dangled back and forth, hanging off the side of the hospital bed where she and Garrus now sat. Her heart was racing, but she knew he was probably even more anxious than she was. A warm, three-fingered hand wrapped around hers and squeezed reassuringly. She looked up at Garrus, a half-hearted smile tugging at the corners of her mouth though her eyes betrayed her fear. Garrus leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, humming softly. Shepard sighed quietly as he pulled away and rested her head on his shoulder, tracing with her finger the edges of the small plates covering his hands.

A small ding at the door made them both snap to attention, and Shepard's grip on Garrus's hand tightened when she saw the familiar blinking eyes of Dr. Belen. She felt Garrus tense beside her as the salarian grew closer, carrying a datapad under one arm.

The air was heavy and fraught with tension, and Shepard found it all of a sudden difficult to breathe. She tried to still her legs, but her ankle kept shaking nervously even when her legs had stopped swinging. Belen cleared his throat and powered on the datapad he held, passing it to Garrus.

"You're clear for treatment, Mr. Vakarian."

Garrus and Posey looked at each other, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, and suddenly the anvil on her chest lifted. It felt like, for once in her life, everything was going to be okay. Uninvited tears stung her eyes and she let them pour out over her cheeks, unable to stop her elated laugh when Garrus slid off the hospital bed, took her in his arms, and spun her around once before pressing his forehead to hers again. They stayed like that, wrapped in bliss for a few moments until Belen put a hand to Shepard's shoulder, and she turned to look at him.

"Glad we were able to give you good news. However, there are some things we need to discuss. Please, have a seat." Shepard tried her best to quiet her heart, though it felt like it was pounding out of her chest. Garrus gave her another small smile as they returned to their seats on the hospital bed, Shepard curling up into his side and wrapping an arm around his torso. He held the datapad up where they could both read over the screen, but Shepard found that she couldn't focus on the tiny words at all. She just stared at Belen, waiting for him to continue. He gave a small smile and crossed his arms, glancing back and forth between Garrus and Shepard.

"Amputation site and prosthetics integration has healed very well in such a short time. Corpalis treatment can continue as soon as you both are ready, but I must advise you to think this through carefully. Treatment must be administered in a sterile environment for the first two months, and you Mr. Vakarian will be on an all-liquid diet that will go through a quarian-style filtration system to ensure that there are no foreign bacteria present. Would you like a brief rundown of treatment?"

Shepard and Garrus looked to each other for an answer, and nodded simultaneously. Belen continued. "Treatment will consist of first administering the cure, which consists of a virus that will actually combat the presence of Corpalis-inciting materials. First two weeks, your immune system will rapidly degrade as the virus tends to destroy a great percentage of bacteria and natural flora of internal systems. However, starting week three we will introduce vaccines and antibodies back into your system very, very slowly to essentially reconstruct your immune system from scratch. This case will progress much quicker than the treatment of Caena Vakarian, as our treatment methods are much more refined at this point. Once we get past the five week mark, we can begin a daily regimen of antibiotic medications. If all goes according to plan, by week eight you may begin eating more solid, non-filtrated foods. I understand you have made arrangements for a suitable treatment environment?"

Garrus looked to Shepard for the answer, and she nodded slowly. "In our home, yes. We've taken great measures to secure one of the downstairs bedrooms for him. "

The salarian blinked back, skepticism rampant on his face. "In your home, Councilor?"

"I've spared no expense," Shepard replied without a beat of hesitation. "It's passed inspection by a biohazard team, and is fully equipped for his treatment, whatever it will take."

"I hate to imagine what something like this costs, Councilor, but if you will forward the inspection form to me then I will gladly complete the treatment in your home."

Shepard chuckled softly, tapping Garrus's arm with a fist gently. "Let's just say we've got a lot of backpay saved up from the war."

"Very well. As it stands right now, I will make a personal visit to your residence twice a week then, to check up on our patient here." He gestured calmly towards Garrus, whose mandibles flicked slightly in acknowledgement. When the details had been nailed down and the first in-home treatment session scheduled for the next day, Shepard and Garrus slid into her skycar and sat there for a moment, absorbing the tidal wave of information that had just crashed over them. Finally, after a lengthy but not uncomfortable silence, Garrus shifted the vehicle into gear and pulled into the stream of traffic that would lead them towards Tiberius Towers.

 

#

****

**_*Two Months Later*_ **

Shepard had decided that Solana Vakarian was _definitely_ one of her favorite people that this galaxy had to offer. Garrus's little sister was so like him that sometimes even a word, a phrase, or a particular tilt of the head of flick of her mandibles would make Shepard laugh because it was just so distinctly Garrus. The two couldn't have denied their relatedness for anything, not after Shepard had spent the last two months getting to know Solana better.

Solana, Caena and Fractus Vakarian had all flown in from Palaven on the sixth day of Garrus's treatment, and had taken up residence in the master bedroom and one of the upstairs guest bedrooms since then. Shepard had moved most of her things down into the free guest bedroom on the first floor, so that she could always be close to Garrus in case he should need something in the middle of the night. Having the Vakarian family around for the last two months had been incredibly helpful - they'd taken care of Garrus whenever she had important off-world Council business, or even when she was just gone for an especially long day. More importantly, in Garrus's eyes anyways, they made sure to take extra care of Shepard herself. Heavens knew she put so much time and energy into her lover's well-being everyday that often she would just collapse of exhaustion in the middle of a conversation or forget to pick up the next day's supply of purified food paste for Garrus's meals. Solana had become something like a live-in therapist, encouraging Shepard to talk about her day if she came home frustrated and Garrus was asleep, as he so often was these days. Sometimes he would sleep for two days at a time - at first Shepard had been worried, but Belen had brushed it off and Caena had recalled that she had experienced similar fatigue, sometimes sleeping even upwards of three days herself. That had reassured Shepard, and reaffirmed how grateful she was to have Garrus's mother in such close proximity.

Fractus Vakarian, however, was a puzzle that she hadn't yet been able to solve. He hadn't been hostile or rude, not by any means, but he had definitely been distant. As much as Shepard had spoken one-on-one with Caena and Solana about a broad range of topics, she had yet to get in a conversation with the straight-laced, uptight turian that was Garrus's father.

Along with having the Vakarian clan there as support, Liara and Kaidan stopped by quite frequently with homemade levo food for Shepard. Finding out that Kaidan could cook - and quite well, if Shepard did say so herself - had been a very pleasant surprise. She'd requested more than once for him to make her favorite meals, and he had very kindly obliged. He would usually make enough for a few days' worth of dinners, but sometimes he and Liara would stay and invite Joker and EDI over as well. Shepard enjoyed these impromptu get-togethers, as they took her mind off of how slow Garrus's progress seemed to be going. Even more fun were the times where Kaidan offered to teach her how to make some simple meals for herself, as she'd always been hopeless in the kitchen. She wanted to smack herself on the forehead when she realized how simple it was to cook a steak the way she liked. Kaidan even left her with a bag of hand-mixed seasonings so she could just reach in, grab a pinch, and sprinkle the mixture for a perfect finish to a semi-well-prepared steak.

This seasoning proved especially useful when Garrus's treatment rolled into its eighth week, and he was finally allowed to eat solid, unpurified foods again. His request for his first meal had been, of course, a lightly-seared slab of cardalan meat. Shepard had taken the extra measure to hunt down specific instructions on how to cook the meat rather than just getting it from the store, wanting to be the one who made this special meal for him. She didn't much see the point in taking a bite of it herself to test the flavor, as she was well aware that it wouldn't taste the same way to her levo taste buds as it would to his. She decided to go ask Solana to come into the kitchen to do a quick taste test, since Shepard had made enough for the whole Vakarian family. As she walked back towards the door from the kitchen to the study, she let out an undignified squeal as she nearly collided with a massive turian keelbone. She backpedaled quickly and looked up into the face of none other than Fractus Vakarian, shocked to find that he was sporting a rather bemused expression.

"I, uh..." Shepard was lost for words as she stared back down at Fractus's keelbone. He chuckled and moved out of the doorway and into the kitchen, sniffing the air with his mouth slightly open and closing his eyes in delight.

"Whatever you're cooking, it smells wonderful Miss Shepard." His voice was rich and gravelly, how Shepard imagined Garrus would probably sound if he never laughed. She laughed nervously and scratched at the back of her neck, a gesture she'd picked up from Garrus long ago. Fractus smirked, recognizing the adopted gesture after years of seeing it in his own son.

Shepard was even more surprised when he jerked his head towards the stove, where the steaks sat sizzling in two massive pans alongside a smaller one for her own beef portion. "Need any help?" Fractus said calmly, stepping towards the pans and grabbing a set of tongs. Shepard shrugged and said,

"Yeah. Um, I mean yes sir. That would be appreciated."

"You do not have to call me sir in your own home," Fractus chided, waving the tongs at her. "Please, call me Fractus. I insist."

Shepard gulped and nodded warily, thinking to herself that this was the longest conversation she'd ever had with this man. She moved to the island in the center of the kitchen and began to chop up some vegetables to add to her meal. When she heard him moving the turian meats off of the stove and onto individual plates, she tossed the squash and zucchini slices into a bowl and dumped them into another pan on the stove, pouring some of Kaidan's seasoning onto them as well as her steak as she pulled it out of the pan and onto a plate for herself.

The sink behind her came on suddenly, and she could hear the scrape of a cleansing brush against the cast-iron of the skillets Fractus was now washing. As she scooted her vegetable slices around in the pan, trying her best to brown them quickly so her food would be ready before the Vakarians' food grew cold, Fractus cleared his throat and she paused for a moment.

"You know, Miss Shepard," he said quietly as the sink turned off.  He appeared beside her, toweling his hands dry as he continued. "I never expected to raise a son like Garrus." That was all he said for a while, and Shepard glanced at him in her periphery as she waited to see if he would say anything else. The sizzle of the vegetables was the only sound for a long time, until Fractus let out another quiet chuckle, so soft that Shepard's ears had to strain to catch it.

"I'm so proud of him." The words were quiet, meant more for himself than for Shepard. Then, louder, he said as he turned his face to Shepard, "Proud of both of you, really. When he was just a fledgling, there were so many situations where I wondered if maybe I'd done something differently, disciplined him more or less, maybe he would've turned out like me. But now that he's here, looking at you and him together, I'm glad that he didn't. You two are so, so lucky." He grew quiet again, and Posey took the chance to speak.

"He's lucky to have a father like you, sir. I mean, Fractus, sir. Fractus."

That earned another, brighter laugh from the older turian. "If someone had told me when Garrus was born that he'd eventually end up bonded to the woman who single-handedly saved the galaxy from certain annihilation, and a _human_ no less, I'd have laughed them right off of Palaven. But now, after seeing how he looks at you, and how good of a person he's become under your leadership.... I know that your species does not practice bonding traditions such as ours with the markings and such, but if that were ever something that you desired to do, I would be honored to accept you into our clan. You have full marking rights as far as the Vakarians are concerned. I don't know that that's something you'd want to do, but just know that it would be an honor to our clan. Even without markings, we would welcome you with open arms. Surely the Hierarchy records would recognize the addition of someone like you, so brave and fearless, so loving and kind, no matter your species."

A grin lit up Shepard's face and she brushed a lock of stray hair behind her ear, blushing at the high praise from someone she respected so greatly. She was opening her mouth to reply when a glimpse of dark beige plates caught her attention. She turned her head to see Solana leaning against the doorway where Shepard had almost collided with Fractus earlier, sporting a massive grin. Shepard waved a hello with the wooden spoon she'd been using to stir the -

"Shepard, you might want to take whatever those weird, squishy things are off the heat, or else you're going to set off your smoke alarms." Posey looked down to see her vegetables crisped almost too black to be edible, and she hastily scooted the pan over to one of the cooler sections of the stove top. Solana smirked and helped her scoop the nearly-burnt vegetables onto the plate that contained Shepard's steak, before taking up two plates of the cardalan meat and strolling towards Garrus's room, which they'd finally been able to open up a little so they didn't have to wear bio-suits every time they wanted to go in to see him. Garrus's mandibles spread wide in a smile when they entered, and his portion of meat was gone in record time. Fractus and Caena joined them shortly with their own plates, and they all spent the rest of the evening laughing and looking through pictures of Garrus as a tiny naked fledgling, covered in little blue-grey downy feathers.

The entire night, all Shepard could really think about was what Fractus had said, and wondering if she would actually look okay with Vakarian blue clan markings.


	24. Laughter Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shepard's friends keep her in good spirits during Garrus's slow recovery.
> 
> **Like the previous chapter, this one is a bit of a time jump (though not as far as the previous chapter), just to move things a long a little bit in preparation for the last chapter!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY FREAKING MOSES
> 
> To say the last three weeks were busy would be a huge, nay MASSIVE understatement. There were a lot of things going on in my family, things got pretty crazy, and then I got Dragon Age: Inquisition (which has absolutely sucked up all of my time since then). I'm so terribly sorry for the long time between updates! If you've kept up with this, I extend my most sincere thanks.  
> Only one chapter to go!!

Shepard checked over her reflection one last time in the mirror, displeased with the lines that had become more apparent in her face over the years. She was at least thankful that she had ended up with more laughter lines than crows' feet, despite all of the hardships that she'd endured in her life. Her freckles stood out brighter than they had during the war, when she was covered up with environmental protective gear nearly all the time. Now that she had the chance to travel on business, often visiting quite tropical and exotic locations even if only for a day, the little brown flecks stood out significantly more against her fair skin. She was actually quite fond of them, and as it turned out Garrus was fascinated by the phenomenon. Before his Corpalis treatment had begun, more days than not she would awake to him quietly counting under his breath, or delicately mapping out constellations with a talon tip across her chest and stomach.

She hadn't been able to sleep in the same bed as him since they had begun his treatments, and it was slowly killing her. Every morning she had woken up feeling cold, empty, until she could make her way downstairs, into a biohazard suit, and then be there for Garrus to wake up for a few hours at a time. At least now that the biohazard suits were no longer needed, she'd been able to sleep in a chair next to his bed, holding his hand gently as he slept through most of the day. Garrus still wasn't allowed to leave the downstairs bedroom save to hobble over to the bathroom, but every day he regained more and more strength. And as he gained strength, Shepard gained more and more hope that maybe this would be the last big trial they would ever face. Maybe this would be the last big struggle, and they'd be left by God or the Spirits or whatever the hell was in charge up there, to live out their lives in relative peace.

No matter what happened, Shepard would be there to support Garrus. That much she was certain of.

However, another thing that she was even _more_ certain of is that if she didn't get out of this apartment for something other than a mind-numbing Council meeting, she was going to go completely insane. In over two months, she'd barely had two seconds to herself. And as a generally introverted individual, she had always treasured the times she had to think, to breathe, to simply _be_ without eight thousand other things going on.

That's the main reason she had squealed excitedly when a message had popped up this morning on her omnitool from Liara, inviting her over for dinner. Shepard had almost immediately responded with an enthusiastic yes, and now she was walking out the door to head towards Liara's apartment.

Her skycar pilot tipped his hat politely at her as she nestled into the backseat. She smiled at him and then turned her gaze out the window, relishing in the familiar greenery of the Presidium Fields as the skycar flew over them towards their destination.

Liara answered the door immediately upon Shepard's arrival, throwing her arms around her in an animated hug. The asari's skin was radiating  a faint violet glow, and Shepard held her back at arms' length after a moment to raise her eyebrow in question. Liara cocked her head for a second, but then shrugged and flashed a dazzling smile, grabbing Shepard's hand and dragging her into the living area.

"I'm helping Kaidan with his biotics today," Liara said with a grin as they rounded the corner into the kitchen. Kaidan didn't look at them, instead focusing all of his energy into the half-full glass of water that sat on the counter a short distance in front of him. Shepard went to say something, but Liara clamped a hand over her mouth and _shh_ 'ed her with vicious glare. "Don’t distract him," she hissed.

Where the haze of Kaidan's biotics had once been an astounding shade of violet, incredibly bright and powerful, now it was barely visible. Shepard had half a mind to think that she could only see the faintest hint of a dawn-pale lilac in the air around his fingertips only because she remembered what her biotics had looked like when she was a child, without an amp. She had never thought about the possibility of Kaidan re-learning his abilities after they had taken out his amp, much less his implant. But here he was, sweat beading on his brow and hands clenched tight into fists at his sides. They watched for almost a full minute, nothing notable occurring besides the appearance of numerous more beads of sweat on Kaidan's forehead.

And then, finally, the water in the glass shook, dipping back and forth as the cup shook unsteadily. The cup rose a millimeter off the table, then a centimeter, then two centimeters, then it was hovering well above the black granite countertop. Liara let out a huge breath, teeth flashing in a massive grin, and took a step towards Kaidan, her hand outstretched to grab the glass and prevent it dropping against the counter. But Kaidan shook his head, brow still furrowed in concentration, and Liara stopped moving.

The glass, shaking even more than previously, slowly made its way towards Kaidan's slightly outstretched hand. Liara's fingers were clasped tight together over her heart, her mouth hanging wide open as the distance between glass and Kaidan steadily closed, first a meter away, then half, then it was hovering just beyond his reach.

As his fingers closed around the width of the glass, Liara let out a shocked and delighted gasp, echoed by Kaidan who seemed more surprised than anyone at this sudden success. He drained the water in the glass in one long gulp, smirking as he felt a trickle run out of the corner of his mouth. After setting the glass down he wiped the trickle with the sleeve of his well-fitted black t-shirt, before smiling brilliantly at Liara. She was practically vibrating with excitement, her hands waving frantically between him and the now-empty glass.

"By the _Goddess_ , Kaidan, you weren't supposed to be able to do that for... Well, at least another month! That was... Oh my word, I'll have to redo all my charts and lesson plans! Oh, Kaidan this is wonderful!"

"What can I say," he replied with a nonchalant shrug. "I have a really good teacher." Shepard almost thought she saw a wink from Kaidan, and her interest immediately piqued. She'd have to investigate that one.  But for now, she brushed it aside as she eased into one of the kitchen chairs.

"So Kaidan," Shepard said, looking up at the still-grinning former Spectre. "Did the migraines get any better?" Normally she would hesitate to broach such a sensitive subject, but he was already in such high spirits and they were already on the subject of biotics. She needn't have feared anyway, as he just shrugged once again and met her eyes calmly.

"It's the weirdest thing," he said quietly, looking down at one of his hands. "They're definitely less frequent, which is great. But when I do get them, they're way worse. I mean, real bad."

Shepard frowned and nodded in sympathy, taking care not to make it seem as though she pitied him. That was one thing that Kaidan Alenko never stood for - other people feeling sorry for him. In all the time she'd known him, Kaidan had borne the side effects of his biotic implants with not a single complaint. He had always fought through, worked past the pain. She had only ever seen him take two off-days when his migraines were so bad that he couldn't see, couldn't hardly speak without choking on the pain. The first had been during their time together on the SR-1, just after Virmire, and she had tucked him away in her cabin with quiet kisses and gentle orders to stay in there until he felt better. The second time had been after the Cerberus coup attempt. That time, he had nearly fried his implant in his fervor to protect the Councilors and was reeling from the effects of that for days. One day, Shepard had strolled into the observation deck where he usually resided to find it entirely dark, save for the glow of the stars outside the massive window. She had flared her omnitool to life and looked around, until he had groaned quietly at her to turn the light off. For nearly two hours, even though she was in the middle of her rounds and they definitely hadn't been on the best of terms at that point, she sat on the floor beside the couch where he lay curled up in a fetal position, smoothing warm fingers over his back and humming quietly to him. She didn't ever understand why the singing had helped - he seemed sensitive to almost all noises in this state, no matter how quiet they might have been. But he had asked her to sing, and she had. Her favorite quiet songs, some old classics that EDI had looked up for her in a database of human music, even a couple of old Mindoir lullabies that were much easier to remember than she would have expected. 

Both times, he still hadn't complained. Simply locked himself away where he wouldn't be a distraction or a hindrance to others. Shepard's respect for him, as a friend and a comrade, knew no bounds at this point, no matter what other issues they may have unresolved between them.

Liara interrupted Shepard's brief reverie by clearing her throat and nodding her head towards the dinner table, where the asari had already laid out the food whilst Shepard was lost in her thoughts. They all moved toward the table and sat down, the mood quickly shifting from solemn back to bright and airy as they discussed (or rather, listened to Liara lecture about) the use of biotic abilities without amplifiers or implants, and how varied the results were between asari and humans. Shepard did not fail to notice the way that the tops of Kaidan's ears blushed red any time Liara offered him one of her many enthusiastic praises, and the idea of a happy ending for them both brought a small, secretive grin to her face and a warmth to her heart.

 

#

 

 

**_*Two Weeks Later*_ **

Garrus let out a groan of relief as he stretched his hands towards the ceiling, relishing in the pull of muscles that he hadn't felt for quite some time. He was finally cleared by Dr. Belen to leave his little compound area, and he'd forgotten how much he loved the view out the huge glass wall of the apartment. Shepard was in the kitchen, working with incredible focus over a few small pans of sizzling food. Garrus knew that she was working on whatever she and Joker would have for dinner, so he decided to take it upon himself to find his own dextro food. She smiled at him over her shoulder, leaning into him when he briefly wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Sleep well?" she said warmly, turning her gaze back to the stovetop as Garrus moved to the cooling unit to rifle through whatever dextro food they had on hand. He decided on a type of pasta and set about readying it, pulling various herbs and spices from the pantry as he went along.

"I may take another nap before Joker and EDI get here, but yeah, I slept pretty well. I just don't want to fall asleep in the middle of their visit." Shepard nodded in agreement, though her back was to him.

"I can go ahead and cook for you if you want to just head back to sleep now," she said, gesturing with a wooden spoon at the pot he was filling with water in the sink. He shook his head, smiling at her.

"You've got enough going on right now, I'll have plenty of time for a nap when this is done."

Even though her back was to him, he knew that she was rolling her eyes at his stubbornness. "If you insist," came her good-natured mutter. Garrus grinned at her exasperation, knowing that she had his best interests at heart, as always. He returned his attentions back to the now-boiling water, sliding the thick, chocolatey-brown noodles into the pot.

"When are Joker and EDI supposed to arrive?"

There was a loud pop and sizzle, followed by a yelp from Shepard. Garrus turned around quickly, turning Shepard around with his hands on her shoulders. "You okay?" he said quickly, glancing over her bare arms for signs of a burn or anything. She laughed and shook her head, pointing with her spoon again towards the stove.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just too much oil in one of those pans, it popped a bit and scared me. No harm done." Garrus smiled in relief, hugging her close again before releasing her to continue cooking.

Half an hour passed in companionable silence,  broken only by the sizzle of pans and the occasional chopping of additional ingredients. When his meal was finally finished, he scooped the pasta and sauce into a storage container and slid it into the cooling unit before retiring back to his bedroom.

 

#

 

Just as she was finished slicing the last bit of mango, the apartment VI announced that there was someone at the door. Shepard smiled to herself and scooped up the mango pieces, tossing them into a bowl with the other fruit she'd already cut. She wiped her hands off with a dish towel and then jogged towards the door, grinning when it slid open to reveal Joker and the blonde, tan beauty that she was now learning to associate with EDI's new skin matrix. EDI stepped forward first, offering a nearly crushing hug that left Shepard coughing just a little bit as she moved to give a more gentle hug to Joker. EDI smiled bashfully, having not yet re-mastered controlling her own strength. Not to mention the fact that, no matter how soft her skin matrix might have looked, that body was still ultralight titanium alloy and therefore did not offer much give. If EDI wasn't careful, it was like hugging a fully-armored krogan, especially when paired with the enthusiasm that permeated almost all of EDI's actions.

As Joker and EDI took a seat on the couch in front of the fireplace, Shepard returned to the kitchen and grabbed a beer for herself and for Joker, who grinned as she handed it to him. Shepard realized as she took her own seat on the opposite couch that both of them seemed awfully excited about something. EDI was seemingly always in a good mood, but she hadn't stopped grinning like an idiot since she'd walked in the door and Joker looked like a little boy who'd just had far too much candy and knew it. Shepard stared at them for a moment, glancing between them with an eyebrow cocked. Finally, Joker smirked and sighed, nodding at EDI, who reached into the pocket of the jeans she was wearing and pulled out a small wallet. Shepard grinned at just how human it seemed, pulling a wallet out like it was nothing. But then EDI flipped open the wallet and fished out a small plastic card, passing it to Shepard.

It didn't look like much - just a white card with lines and lines of black coding scattered across its surface. When Shepard's brow furrowed in confusion, EDI grinned again and took it back, pulling up her own omnitool and pressing the card against the surface of her palm. When the interface recognized the coding, Shepard couldn't help but let out a delighted gasp.

It was an identification page, much like the ones she'd been familiar with ever since her first days in the Alliance military. The picture was a translucent orange depiction of EDI's face, with various specs listed beside the image. What caught Shepard's eye most, though, was the name.

**Edi Moreau.**

Shepard couldn't help but jump up in surprise, looking wildly back and forth between the two people on the couch. "You guys finally got her galactically recognized!"

Joker nodded, wrapping his hand around Edi's and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Yeah, we figured it was about time. She's a full citizen now."

"How did you guys manage to pull this off? I mean, don't you need birth certificates or something?"

Edi scoffed and waved a hand, flashing a mischievous smile at Joker. "Let's just say that C-Sec's firewalls are among the programs I am still able to bypass with this mobile platform. And fabricating a birth certificate was certainly easy enough."

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle at the nonchalance with which Edi regarded hacking into C-Sec's data records. But the idea that her friend was now a citizen, recognized as a real person by official records, was extremely exciting. Edi stood up and shrugged with an impish grin, strolling off to the kitchen to investigate the food that Shepard had prepared for dinner. Shepard sat back down slowly, ignoring the twinge of discomfort in her hip, and looked at Joker.

"So I guess I must have missed the wedding invitation," she said quietly, flashing a wink at her former pilot. Joker smirked, as usual, and cast a fond glance over at Edi in the kitchen.

"Yeah, you know I was never much one for ceremony," he said softly, and Shepard knew that this was entirely true. Every formal occasion that she'd ever seen Joker at, he'd looked immensely uncomfortable, even if he was receiving a medal or award of some sort. "Besides," he continued, his voice lowering even further, "Edi is _quite_ the spender. I don't even want to know the kind of damage she could do to my credit chit trying to plan a wedding."

"Jeff, my auditory sensors work just as well as ever, you know." Joker blushed and Shepard chuckled, standing to go join Edi in the kitchen. As she noticed Shepard drawing closer, Edi put down the fork she'd been using to investigate the fruit and leaned back against the counter, arms crossing in a gesture that was so incredibly human. Her brow furrowed for a moment.

"Shepard?"

"Yes, Edi?" Posey had known the AI long enough to realize that Edi was about to ask about something she perceived as a sensitive subject. Her hands did not twist nervously as a real human's would, but the anxious tilt of her eyebrows was an entirely human expression. While waiting for Edi's answer, Shepard crossed to the cabinet, pulled out a glass, and poured herself some water as a distraction from the suddenly somewhat-awkward silence.

"When do you think you and Garrus will have a wedding?"

She asked this just as Shepard had taken a large gulp of water, and Posey couldn't help but spew a little bit as Edi's question hit her. Coughing, tears brimming in her eyes from her near-choking experience, she leaned over the sink to catch her breath. Joker's hearty laugh from the couch did nothing to make her feel better. After wiping her mouth and returning her breathing to normal, she looked up at Edi.

"I... Well, I don't really know, Edi. I mean, you know we love each other and all but - Well, I mean I'm not sure if -"

"It's called a bonding ritual for turians, Edi," came a rough, sleepy voice from the doorway of Garrus's bedroom. Shepard could feel herself blushing furiously as he smirked at her, flashing a wink before walking towards Edi and offering a hug. As he waved a hand at Joker, he moved onwards to press a chaste kiss to Posey's cheek. His eyes were mischievous as he said, in a voice just seductive enough to send a tremor through Posey's knees, "And we're going to get on that as soon as possible."

"Umm, yeah," Shepard chuckled, regaining some of her composure now. "What he said."

"So who's gonna be the best man?"

Garrus laughed, shaking his head. "Well for starters, Joker, turians don't really do that. And besides, all the guys I know are total assholes." Joker rolled his eyes, but he still laughed along with everyone else at his own expense.

"Yeah, yeah, throw hits at the cripple. Whatever."

"You're not crippled anymore, Joker," Shepard said with a raised eyebrow. He threw up his hands in defeat and leaned back against the couch. As the laughter continued, Shepard and Edi grabbed the plates of food and set them down on the table in the dining room, waving over Joker and Garrus to sit down and join them. The conversation was lively and humorous, as it always had been with those two, and long before the night was over Shepard's cheeks and stomach were aching with the effort of laughing so heartily. At some point along the way, Garrus brought up the topic of throwing a small get-together to celebrate Edi's citizenship. The idea was a great one, and the other three heartily agreed, and spent the rest of their night planning out the entire event.


	25. Vakarian Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At long last, I found the willpower to push through and write this last chapter. I hope that you all enjoyed reading this piece as much as I loved writing it! It has definitely been a labor of love, and I could never have done it without y'all's support through kudos, bookmarks, and comments.  
> Special thanks to BardofHeartDive and her wonderful lovely self. You are awesome and amazing and a WAY better writer than I am, yet you still manage to put up with me fangirling over all your work. 
> 
> **At the bottom of the page, you'll find the picture of Posey that the INCREDIBLE +masseffxt on tumblr drew for me as a contest prize. I'm so in love with this drawing of her, it's exactly what I had in mind when originally picturing this character.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to kind of gloss over the super-specifics of the party, because you guys can all imagine how that would have gone. I didn't want this last part to be too ridiculously long to read, and there are *much* more important things to dedicate this last chapter to. ;-)  
> Sooooo, without any further ado, here it is. The final chapter. :')

True to form, Liara was the first to arrive at the apartment the night of the party. Fifteen minutes early, as always, clothed in a an onyx-black sundress and immediately setting about ensuring that the food, music and - most importantly - drinks were all in sufficient supply. Kaidan arrived a few minutes later, carrying a case of Canadian beer under one arm. Joker and Edi were next, and Shepard couldn't help but grin at the casual white dress that Edi had chosen to wear.

Wrex and Grunt arrived together, jostling each other roughly to try to be the first one through the door. Grunt inevitably won out, snorting triumphantly in Wrex's direction. The older krogan denied him the recognition, instead turning to gently butt his head against Shepard's. "Thanks for the invitation," he said with a big grin. "Is this thing going to be as crazy as the last party?"

Posey shook her head quickly, jerking her head towards the kitchen. "We've got plenty of alcohol, Wrex, but we're going to try to keep things a little more toned-down tonight. This is less of a 'drink as much as we can before we're dead' kind of party. More like a 'thank God we can all just take a deep breath and be okay for a minute' type of thing. You know?"

Wrex nodded calmly, smiling though there was just a hint of disappointment in his eyes. When Tali and Zal'Koris stepped in through the door of the apartment, Wrex beamed and lumbered over to pick Tali up in a hug. She squealed in mock-terror, quickly giving way to laughter as Wrex tucked her under an arm and used his free hand to shake Zal'Koris's hand. After he set Tali down, he and Grunt moved on further into the living room as Jack, Samara, and Zaeed all showed up at the same time. As the three greeted Shepard, Garrus came up behind her and clapped a hand to Zaeed's shoulder, eyes glimmering with mischief.

"Glad you're here, Zaeed," Garrus rumbled. "We've still got a lot of work to do on the apartment." The weathered mercenary's hand curled into a fist and he punched the turian's arm none too gently, flashing a wide impish grin.

"Sounds like a plan, Vakarian." The two men wandered off, quickly disappearing from Shepard's viewpoint. Though she wanted to follow them and keep them out of trouble, she still had other guests to greet. Jack was sporting her usual scowl, glancing around at the apartment.

"Did this fucking place get _bigger_?" Shepard followed her gaze, shrugging.

"Maybe. I asked the Tiberius staff to do some renovations while I was still in London, so that I'd have a place to come home to when they elected me to the Council. I'd never really noticed before, but perhaps they took a few liberties when they redesigned the place."

"Yeah," Jack muttered, though it was all with a smirk, "no fucking kidding." To Shepard's utter shock, Jack stepped forward quickly and embraced Shepard for the briefest of moments, before pulling away and pushing a loose strand of long chocolate hair behind her shoulder. "I've missed seeing you guys."

Posey smiled and nodded. "We've missed you too, Jack."

Samara wrapped her arms around Shepard as well, though her hug was much warmer and less rushed. "It is good to see you again, Shepard." The justicar's voice was serene as always, calming Posey just by hearing it. As she turned and looked around the room at everyone gathered together, pouring each other drinks and laughing about the fonder memories they'd all shared (few and far between as they'd been), an unfamiliar sense of peace washed over her. They were here - every one of their team that had survived this far. And when she nudged Joker and Edi to announce their "marriage", the small crowd erupted into raucous applause and cheery hollers. As congratulations were passed their way, more drinks were poured for all in attendance, and everyone seemed all the merrier.

The party lasted well into the night, never reaching the sweaty dancing fervor that the last gathering had, but still keeping everyone well entertained. They told stories, drank excessively, and toasted to the successes that they had all achieved in the years since the war. But more than a few times over the course of the night, the party would take a somber turn, and a half-hour would be spent reliving the less-than-fond memories that they had shared. All of it was worth remembering, though - that's what kept Shepard from interrupting these tales and changing the subject. Sometimes she forgot that in order to truly appreciate all of the blessings she had now in her life, she had to remember the times where her hope had almost failed her.

People began to trickle out of the apartment around two in the morning. As the last of them finally left, she took in a deep breath and thought about how much everyone had changed over seven and a half years. And how much they had somehow stayed the same.

The glass of her apartment window was cool against Shepard's forehead as she leaned against it, staring out over the Sunset Strip. Wheels were turning over and over in her mind, little questions running amok that she didn't quite have the answers for. She could feel a massive headache coming on, but she didn’t even feel like going to get her pain meds at this point.

 _Why is it,_ she pondered, _that everything about that party felt so familiar? Like nothing has changed?_

To tell the truth, _everything_ had changed since the last time she had seen so many of her friends gathered together in her apartment. How could they have enjoyed themselves just as much, when so many of their comrades were missing? All of their absences had been felt, by everyone there. That much she knew, in the way a conversation would quickly veer away from a particular topic to avoid bringing up someone's name. Or how, more than once throughout the night, she'd walked in to the living area upstairs to see someone leaning against the wall, staring between the couches at the massive picture from the first party. A picture of when everyone (or almost everyone, anyway - even at that point, they'd already lost too many) had been there, and still alive. And now, so many of them were gone. But everyone still had a good time - they still laughed and drank, and not in that desperate end-of-the-war manner as last time. In a word, the whole evening had just been. . . relieving. Serene, calm, nearly perfect. The only thing Shepard was missing was all of those who didn't survive.

Even the view out her massive apartment window still looked eerily similar - for all the destruction done to the Citadel, for all the time it had taken to get things back in working order, the Sunset Strip looked almost identical to the way it had before the war, albeit with a few more shiny new upgrades.

Shepard's train of thought was cut off as she felt a long, warm arm snake around her waist from behind. She smiled halfheartedly and stood up straighter, leaning back against Garrus's chest. He purred and hugged her tightly, resting his chin on the top of her head as he too admired the apartment's view.

"Guess I'll need to take a look at our backpay accounts, and see if we can finally finish clone-proofing your apartment. Zaeed and I have _big_ plans for this place."

Shepard huffed out a laugh and shook her head, smacking his arm lightly. "I swear to God, Garrus, if you put any sort of explosives in this house, I will make your life miserable." She could feel his mandibles twitch in amusement as he pressed a quick kiss to the back of her neck. His arms tightened around her waist, and she sighed in defeat. Stubborn turians. Deciding to change the topic, she asked quietly, "Did your family make it back to Palaven okay?"

"Yeah, they're back now. Solana leaves for Blackwatch training in a couple of weeks." There was obvious pride in his voice as he mentioned his sister, which brought a warm smile to Shepard's face.  "You know," Garrus muttered, running the talons of one hand up and down her side and sending shivers through her spine, "you look absolutely radiant tonight in that dress. The green looks good on you. Not as good as your councilor uniform, but still... Very nice."

"You just like my councilor uniform because it's blue," Shepard said with an eye-roll to rival Aria T'Loak, folding her arms over her chest.

"Hey, it's not just blue, it's a certain _shade_ of blue. Vakarian colony marking blue, to be exact - don't think I didn't notice. It's a very specific color. And a very beautiful color, especially on you."

Shepard hummed with delight and leaned her head backwards to kiss the bottom of Garrus's chin. "It most certainly is. Speaking of colony markings, your dad said something very... _interesting_ the other day."

"Oh Spirits, what was it this time?" Over the Vakarian family's extended stay at Shepard's ( _their?_ ) apartment to help him recover, it would've been impossible for Garrus not to notice that his family had taken a great liking to her. His father had, on multiple occasions, tried to initiate friendly conversations about fighting tactics, human customs and holidays, and various other topics that always had Garrus shaking his head at how awkward his father was. Fractus's attempts at conversation had always fizzled quickly though, to Garrus's dismay.

"He, umm..." Shepard could feel a blush creeping over her freckled cheeks, but she had already opened this can of worms and knew that there was no going back. It was now or never. "Your dad was helping me cook dinner the other day, and" - she paused as Garrus scoffed at the idea of Fractus Vakarian, cooking dinner like a domestic - "he was telling me how proud he would be to have the markings of his clan on... Well, you know, on someone like me.... Silly, right?"

Garrus saw right through her hesitation and hummed thoughtfully, pressing another gentle kiss to the top of her head. "Well now, that is quite an idea." He chuckled as he added, "Never thought I'd see the day when Fractus Vakarian took a liking to a human. But if I'd had to take a wild guess on what human would be able to warm up my father, I'd have bet on you." His warm arms left her waist and he turned her around slowly, taking her hands between his. His eyes flickered nervously as he struggled to think of what to say next, and Shepard took the moment to appreciate how much she had always loved Garrus's awkward, bumbling side when he was nervous.

Finally, he took a deep breath and shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. "You would look badass with my colony markings though," he said, trying (and failing... miserably) to put on an air of confidence. "If -. . . I mean, if that's even something you wanted. That probably sounds a little stupid, to a human." Shepard grinned and rubbed her thumbs over the back of his hands, meeting his eyes with a wink and a gentle shake of her head.

"There is nothing stupid about that idea, Garrus. I'm a Councilor, and the Savior of the Galaxy for Christ's sake. I'm pretty sure that, at this point, I can get away with whatever the hell I want to. They can't exactly kick me off the Council for taking my mate's markings, species be damned. Although," she muttered, summoning all of the boldness she could, "I guess that I could only use that excuse if I were technically Councilor _Vakarian_."

A little flash ran through his crystal eyes, and his mandibles dropped just enough for her to notice his surprise. When he smiled, she did too, and their linked hands tightened their grips.

"Well, if you want to do that, there's something. . . _else_ we have to do first, you know." The drawl in his voice was almost enough to make her knees go weak, but the waggling of his browplates did nothing to enhance his sexuality. Shepard smirked at his attempts to be seductive, but she decided to reward him for the effort anyway. As she leaned forward, stretching up on her toes to reach his face without forcing him to bend down for a kiss, she was surprised when the warm chest in front of her suddenly vanished. She opened her eyes, and looked down to see Garrus on the floor in front of her, fishing around in his pocket. Her brow furrowed in genuine concern, and she rapidly knelt down beside him.

"Garrus, are you okay? Is it your leg? I _told_ you that you should've been using the cane during the party, you big stubborn -"

He shook his head and laughed, using one arm to gently push her back up to her feet. "I think you're supposed to be standing up for this, if I've done my research correctly." He shifted his weight until he was half-kneeling, bearing his weight mostly on his good leg. When he was settled comfortably, he pulled out a tiny silver box and held it aloft in his right hand, using one left talon to delicately open the box. Shepard's hand flew to her mouth in surprise, and she felt an instant familiar sting of tears.

"Holy shit, Garrus... What are you - "

"My research also said that there's supposed to be some big sappy speech before I give this to you, so. . . Here goes." He looked up at her, almost bashful, asking permission to continue with his gaze. Shepard nodded, unable to speak, and Garrus smiled before continuing. After clearing his throat nervously, he used one talon to pull up a document on his omnitool. When one of Posey's eyebrows quirked up, he shrugged and tossed a grin back up at her. "I had to write it down, so it didn't. . . You know, sound stupid or anything. Anyway, here goes." His mandibles fluttered anxiously for a moment, and then he took a huge breath.

"Shepard... Posey. If anyone had told me ten years ago  where I would be right now, with you, I'd have called them crazy. Maybe punched them. Then I would've stuck around to watch you punch them too. Spirits, all this time with you has felt like a dream. And honestly, Posey, if it is, then I don't ever want to wake up. I was just a kid - a really dumb, _smartass_ kid - when we met, and I had no idea that chasing down Saren could possibly lead me here, to the love of my life and to the most incredible, brave, beautiful woman that I've ever met. When we lost you, Posey... the first time, I mean, on Alchera; that was before I knew that I loved you. You were a brilliant Commander, a perfect scion to humanity, but more than that, you had been my best friend. Losing you made me start to realize just how much you meant to me, even if I didn't know then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

"I will never, ever, in _all_ my years be able to tell you how lucky I am to have fallen in love with you. To this day, you are still my best friend, and so much more. More than I could've ever asked for, even dreamed for. Spirits, I don't... I don't even have the words to tell you this, how much I feel for you every day. When we were saying goodbye, in London, all that business about 'No Shepard without Vakarian'...  Ever since you walked into my life, you changed me in ways I can't even begin to comprehend, and I am so grateful to have accompanied you for so many missions. That statement works both ways, you know - no Vakarian without Shepard, either. I would never have become the man I am today if you hadn't taken that chance on the hot-headed young C-Sec officer who just wanted a piece of the action. I just. . . I love you, Posey. So much. And I want you by my side, whatever may come, for as long as I'm around. You are everything to me, and nothing would make me happier, prouder even, than if you would do me the honor of being my bondmate. My wife."

Tears were streaming down Shepard's cheeks by now. She had no capability to form words, her mind too stunned to think of what to say. So she just nodded, ecstatically, and felt Garrus take her left hand in  his to calm her shaking nerves. He held the little ring in between two fingers, a little band of silver with a modest diamond, surrounded on either side by two lilac-colored, opal-esque stones that looked far too rich to be any gem from Earth. "It's cevarodite, from Palaven," Garrus said quietly as he caught her staring at the ring. "You know, I bought this ring just a couple of weeks after you picked me up from Menae. The stones reminded me of your eyes, and Liara had mentioned something about humans exchanging rings as a sign of bonding. I had known for a while by that point, that you were it. You were the one that I wanted, no matter how the war turned out." He paused for a moment, and Shepard could just barely hear the slight shudder in the deep breath that he drew before he said, "I'm just. . . I'm so glad I'm here to give it to you." Shepard nodded slowly and spread her fingers apart. A fresh flood of tears spilled over her cheeks as Garrus, ever so carefully, slid the delicate ring onto her fourth finger and kissed it gently. Her knees gave out beneath her, and she fell to the floor beside him before peppering his scarred and broken face with kisses, tasting the traces of her own tears that she left on his cheeks. His limber arms wrapped around her once again, and she heard him whisper quietly into her ear.

"Marry me, Posey Grace Shepard?"

"Garrus Vakarian," she murmured, pulling back to look him directly in the eyes with a gentle, quivering smile. "There is nothing in this galaxy that I would like more."

 

************

 

 

 

**Posey Grace Shepard**

(art by +masseffxt on tumblr)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is by no means the end of Posey and Garrus's story - there will be other one-shots and such posted later. If you have any requests, feel free to let me know and I will do my best to accommodate!  
> Thank you all again, a thousand times over. You all rock. 
> 
> PS. For those of you who wanted a Shekarian wedding (Simi and Bard, especially) - keep an eye out for something coming soon. ;)


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